A Misty View

Thank you

2011-12-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

I survived, and actually ended up having fun, doing the interview with Rudi Rudinski for NDEspace.org on the Carribean Radio Show through BlogTalk Radio. Dottie Clark was a great help to me with her friendly encouragement. Dr. Richardson is going through a rough time right now and took the time to put on the show for us. It took a lot of people, their talents and time to make it happen.

The link in the post below will let you listen to it, if you are interested. We covered a lot of topics. Rudi made it easy to find my thoughts and express them...

You really can't know why things happen as they do. This was originally scheduled for the 12th and got moved to the 19th...I sent an email out to those I thought might be interested in listening. One of my email friends that had read the book earlier wrote me to say he had intended to "go home" (via suicide) that day, but stayed to hear our talk...and has now decided to stay on longer here.

To be rescheduled meant I had to be nervous a week more. :) It didn't seem like a good thing to me. It meant something different to my email friend. He saw it as a reason to stay; to hear our words on the THAT date. That we cared he stayed lifted his spirit.

To know that even ONE person was helped by us in doing that show made it so very worthwhile to me...and all I did was talk...share words...

When we care and share we can change life for the better for each other. I might never had known how important it was to that friend, but he is here today and I am glad!

It took all those people in so many different locations on this planet to put those words out there and we helped one find the strength to keep living and loving...Go Team!!

First Radio Interview

2011-12-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

I will be interviewed about my experience with dying and death tomorrow night, Monday, December 19th at 11:00 pm. You can listen live here:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/caribbeanradioshow/2011/12/20/near-death-experience-the-mystery-of-suicide-death

Call in numbers for questions are 347 202 0222 or 661 467 2407.

You can read about my experience at http://www.1way2see.com/thebook.html

This is a first for me. I have done private interviews and one for Discovery Channel that was not used...I'm curious to see just how it goes.

The other point....

2011-02-23T09:14:00.000-08:00

We make much of the death of Jesus, it was such a horrible ordeal and he did suffer terribly. Many here still suffer horrible, painful deaths. We seem to forget that the point of the story is that He did NOT "die" - He continued to LIVE.

It is not (to me) his death that changes each heart, not that He died for us, but His living love for us. He loved us enough that HE CAME BACK for us to SHOW that He lived on and that WE will live, too.

It is His living presence in our lives, his willingness to love us as we are, even as we continue to ignore, reject or disbelieve in Him, that gives us proof of His Divine Love; And it is his return that proved to us the reality of Eternity.

While He was alive, as we know alive, He changed hearts, healed and taught - and He is STILL Alive, doing the same.

Death doesn't count any more...not for Him and not for us. It's just a stepping stone to another way to live and love...People don't seem to see that. Jesus, by living beyond the death of His body, has opened up Eternity to each of us.

Even though His body here was killed, He lives, loving us still, and He SHOWS us that...proving His love to each of us here as we reach for it, and giving comfort to each heart that loses a loved one, that we will be with them again forever - where death can never separate us again.

Old Habits are Hard to Break

2011-01-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

Each of us has our own ways of living and doing things that, over time, become habitual. It may be as simple as the way we walk to town or as complicated as an addiction.

I know that each of us is needed here, exactly as we are, for the completion of the divine and loving plan for all. Even those that a general vote would find as failures, mean, addicts, or another "negative" way of living, are needed here - I don't always know why something that may seem wrong to so many is truely right for another. I know that it is.

Learning to accept each other "unconditionally" takes something that one finds objectionable to learn on. You can't "learn" to love unconditionally if every thing is perfect between everyone...we would already know how...

What we seem to need to keep the closest eye on is our hearts...All we can really do is the best we can do. The only person we can change here is our self.

How we treat others and our selves shows to everyone we meet. We can't help it, the truth of us comes out through our words and actions...and what others see IS what they get.

You can keep a smile pasted on your face and say, "I'm just fine." for quite a while. But some where, it's going to slip off. The truth of how you really feel is aching for someone who really cares to hear it and offer comfort...

That's what we can do for each other here, listen and care, really care, how our hearts feel...for that is where the truth of you is...in your heart.

Matthew 15:17 - Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?

Matthew 15:18 - But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

These verses remind me to look at what is inside a person and to consider why they appear to me the way they do. What thing in life has driven them to be the way they are? Why does it matter so much to me that they "change"?

Often, if I answer those questions honestly, I find that I believe the way I live is "better", "easier" or more "right" than the way they chose to be...

Which one of us can claim to understand all of life and why it is as it is? I'm thinking the answer to that is, "Not one." I have to understand that, for them, their way is right - no matter what I might think. And it is OKAY that their way is different than mine.

When your heart is full of hurts and pain, betrayals and losses, how can you feel content or happy here? When you hate yourself, how can you care for or be kind to anyone else?

Helping each other get our hearts emptied of hurtful things and filled with hope and comfort is what we do when we treat each other kindly and with respect. To truely change a heart takes the Divine Love to act on it.

All we can do as humans is to be as gentle as we can on the hearts around us. They are what they are. People have "bad" habits and "bad" ways of acting - but each one of us has a heart that is just aching to love and be loved...just the way they are...

To be careful what comes out of your heart, you have to be careful what you allow to stay in it. Try to remember your hurts and hard feelings will keep coming out until you forgive those involved and set yourself free to be caring and open again...

Don't let the looks, habits or even actions of others change how YOU treat them...offer respect and kindness to each one. Care enough to help who ever is brought to your attention as best you think you can. You may not change their heart, but you CAN change yours...Having even one person treat you fairly, honestly and with loving care can give hope to the hardest heart when it meets one who really cares.

Considering that it's only three words, it sometimes seems like the hardest thing to do, but it's the only thing that counts; Love one another.

See no Evil

2010-07-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

It's said God can't see evil...when I started looking it up I found a verse:

Zep 3:15 The LORD hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the king of Israel, [even] the LORD, [is] in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more

The thought I want to share is this; God says thou shalt not see evil, should I keep seeing it?

What if I just give up the the word "bad"? What if I refuse to say anyone has done "evil"? If I leave it all to Him, I do not need to define bad or evil or sin - I only need to walk my steps in kindness and caring to those he brings me without judging if they "are worth" the effort, the care I offer...I can just offer to help if I can....and let Him cover what I can't see anymore.

It frees me. I only need to know if I CAN meet the need that is brought to me. I don't have to decide if I SHOULD meet the need.

And if it's not mine to do, I won't have what is needed. Either my heart won't be able to care enough to meet the need, or even if it DOES care and want to meet the need, I may not have what it takes to fill the gap...I will have to say that I can't help. They will have to seek elsewhere.

But I will not have called them worthless, sinful, bad, or whatever. I can just treat them like the hurting humans I see them as and do what I can for each one I meet. They don't have to "be worthy" of a kindness, any more than I am worthy of God's grace... I just have to do His will - and that is no mystery to me. His will is that we love, care, heal, help, encourage and even carry one another - that is what His son said and did.

1Jo 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.

If I want someone to be able to see there is a loving God then first I have to show them a loving human...that's not easy. I'm not God. But the life force in me is His. The love in me is His. I am of God. And I chose to walk the world lovingly.

If they can find one human who loves and cares, maybe they can reach to believe in a God that loves and cares.

I want to be like that. I want to love. I can't love all of everyone and thing here - but I will continue to do the best I can to be gentle with all those I meet. If even one looks up and finds the reality of the Creator, I can feel like being here was worth the walk. If something I can do eases even one heart for one day, it was a day worth getting through.

You don't have to be a saint. You only have to care.

Reminder Reprised

2010-06-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need to remember what works for me doesn't work for others. You will all make your own choices and have your own beliefs. They are all valid. To be true to my heart and my ideals I have to live my beliefs...below are some things from a couple pages I've written to remind me that we all can only be what we are...even me.

"When others don't understand why I care so deeply and give so much, I will not do less to suit their view of life. I will not care less to "match" their level of love. I will keep sharing my love so there is more love in the world. I want to show them that even broken and sad hearts can learn to love and trust again and that caring for each other is caring for ourselves."

"Striking out when we hurt is built into the body as a defense mechanisim. It shouldn't to be built into our hearts. I will forgive the hurt I feel and return loving attention and care. I don't find it easy. Prayer helps me to understand.

If we can look at the hurt done to us we will realize that, in many cases, it is our own sense of importance and social pride that is hurting. Is that really worth losing a friend over?"

"I will try not to return tit for tat. I'm just not going to get into a lose-lose situation again if I can help it. You do what you need to do - I will answer when you call, return your calls, come when you need me, share what I have and try to give what you ask me for. I will continue to help where I can, to fill the needs I see around me....I will try to soothe hurts, ease hearts, offer caring attention....even if that is NOT what you have shared with me.

Why?

Because I believe we are all in this together - we are ONE - each a part of the whole. If I hurt you I am hurting myself. I want to love myself. I want to love all of myself. That means loving you, too. "

I don't have to love what you do, I just have to love you the way you are. I can do that, most of the time, and with most people. It's just more of an exercise of the heart with some than with others. I work on it as it is brought to my attention.

"The book doesn't say 'do unto others AS they do unto you', it says to do what you WISH they would do for you.

I wish to be loved. To be forgiven when I hurt another. To have help when I need it. To have food when I am hungry. To have companionship when I am lonely. To have what I need when it's needed. I wish to be loved by others and to love them freely. I try to give that to all I meet.

I can't do that and hold on to the hurts done to me. I am letting go of the hurts and only counting the love. I will count the smallest sign of loving care and watch as those small, loving actions increase. I believe Love is all there is. Why would I try to track and remember things that are "notlove"?"

"If you encourage the smallest kindness of others and offer only kindness, it will change the world."

"Maybe I won't be able to live up to the ideal every day. I'm human. I can get vengeful and vindictive and want to hurt someone back....but if I can slow down even one minute and think about it, I can let the hurt flow over me instead of through me. I am slowing notlove and encouraging Love....I gotta try.

So do unto others as you WISH others would do unto you - feed them, house them, hold them while they cry, laugh with them, and love them.

Forgive them for being humans, love them for being part of your life forever."

I can't be what I am not. I care. Each of you has to do what is right for you, believe or not believe, care or not care, love or not love, share or not share, give or not give, take all you can get or give all you can spare. Your choice.

Mine is to love, to forgive, to smile, to care, to share and to enjoy what has been gifted to me. I'm a human female. I love things human, I love as a female. I will keep reaching for love here, enjoying parties and music, writing, riding, and all that brings smiles and joy to my heart. Joy is a gift of the spirit.

Last night I sat with the last of the family who cleaned up after a party. We sat in the dark, under a tent at a picnic table. As I tried again to describe the Divine Loving Being I met to one of them, I put my hand up and arched it across the horizon to try and show the size of that being. As my hand moved across our view of the sky, a falling star followed my fingers. It was seen by them and we all got a major rush off it....it was real in their world, not just mine.

The Divine Love knows how to show each of you that it is real. Last night it showed some of my family it was listening and caring about them...

Call it coincidence, if you must. It might make it easier for you to believe that I just happened to move my hand across the part of the sky we could see under the edge of a tent and a star just happened to fall the same way my hand was moving....

To me, it is the Divine Love showing it is alive and well in our world. And if those around me can not deal with that, it's not up to me to change their minds or their hearts. He does that. I just watch in awe while He does.

I'm not trying to be a saint. I'm trying to be a good steward of resources given to me and a good neighbor to those I share the planet with. In my tiny contribution to the world we live in, I want to gift happiness, comfort and contentment to those I walk with.

It won't happen every day, unless I work toward it everyday. Today I had to remember not to dim my shine to fit other's view of the world. That's their choice, how they see it.

I see we shine when we love and care and are kind to each other. My family shines. My friends shine. I wanna shine, too!

Don't let the world's idea of how you should live be all that guides you, follow your heart. Love as YOU love. And remember to love as you WISH others would love you.

You ARE Okay

2010-06-08T05:25:00.000-07:00

Genesis 1:
31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, [it was] very (completely) good.

Time is for humans. Where there is no time, all things are together at once. What He created on day one, is still happening for us, but He saw ALL that He had made - the whole of it to it's final form - as He made it to be. All of us, each one, is included in "it was VERY good."

There is no qualifier in this statement. It doesn't say "almost everyone" or "only the ones who believe I made them" ... it says EVERY thing. That means you and I. To me, that means Lucifer and the angels, too. He created it all.

Isa 45
7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these [things].

All that we decide is good or bad, kind or hurtful, evil or loving, was created of the Divine Love. Each of us was designed to be as we are for a reason. We are each here to fill a need in His creation of perfection. We can't mess it up.

There is not one thing we can do that cannot be undone by God. There is not one thing we can make strong enough that he can't knock it down.

There is not one person here, just the way they are today, that is not His beloved creation, His child. We are all His. We are all part of Him.

Proverbs 16
4 The LORD hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil

Even those things that we see as evil, are needed for creation to be "very good". Now that is a stumper for some. Love is good. Evil is bad. Ask anyone....

But sometimes what is most loving looks evil to the one receiving it. Having their home burn down Christmas Eve didn't look good to my niece and nephew in law with four kids. Ask them how they feel about it now, more than a year later....in a larger, better home with easier finances....and all healthy and here.

Sometimes what is evil looks very good...."free" candy or trinkets for the taking can seem more than tempting. And who is hurt by it?... But when the truth comes out, it's not good any more.

Appearances are deceptive. Good and Bad are relative to the person and society. They are how WE judge.

We can be harsh judges. "He's a drunk.", "She's on crack." Even when it's the truth about others, it is the intent to express a negative toward others that is not loving. "She had four kids by four men.", not, "She raised four children alone." He screws around on his wife."He doesn't feel loved enough". Not one of us is walking here with a clean heart that always loves everyone...not one. So who are we to judge them?

And He says it is all very good....

Isa 437 [Even] every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed (shaped) him; yea, I have made him.

I believe that the life spark and spirit of each of us is a part of God's own spirit. He created us to be "like" Him. He powered us with His life force. We are all needed here, just as we are to complete His very good creation...

You are not bad because you are addicted. You are not lost because you are a thief. Your actions have been unloving toward yourself and others. He knows that. He formed you.

I can't begin to state how completely you are loved and accepted, just as you are, as His perfect creation.

I have had to try again, the past several weeks, to share this with others, how I see it.

We need you to be the truth of who and what you are. I don't know why, I only know that truth and love are the essence of the Creator and are in each of us as our individual soul.

However you are today, you are perfectly you.

If you chose to be loving and to bring more love into being on this planet, good by me. If you chose to be hurtful and spread more not-love around, not good by me, BUT, I know it's good by HIM.

If you are needed to be loving, you will be shaped that way. If you are needed to be strong and angry, you will be shaped that way. Life itself will shape you.

He brings us into being out of Love, He brings us home in Love. What you are is needed here. If you want to change something, go for it....if you can't do it yourself, then consider establishing a connection to the Divine love....reach for it.

Proverbs 16
3 Commit (trust) thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts (intentions) shall be established (stood upright).

If you chose to walk in Love here, then do so. If you, in your deepest truth, want to change anything about yourself, the power is there. It is already yours if you but reach out to touch it.

I don't believe you need to be saved or changed unless you want it. You will be brought home to Love one day, however you are. We are all just doing the best we can in this life.

What I do believe is that no matter what YOU believe, no matter how you live, no matter your strength, weakness, ability to contribute in the eyes of humans or any other thing - it won't change the fact that you are LOVED and seen as PERFECT, just as you are.

What I think of you or what other humans think of you doesn't count in the long run. Only what YOU think of you and what HE thinks of you.

And I tell you He says "I have formed (shaped) him; yea, I have made him."

He says "[it was] very (completely) good"

You ARE okay. Be yourself. Find the truth of yourself and express it today. Others may have trouble dealing with it, He won't.

Be gentle with each other. Life is hard enough without more pain being added to it. Start by being gentle with yourself. Realize you can't be a crystal if you are granite or marble. You can't be a tree if you are a flower....you are what you are...and it is very good.

Do what you can

2010-05-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

Some days all you can do is hunker down and live through what life has brought to you. That's what trees do in the winter and it's good enough...

Just being here, alive and yourself, allows possiblities for the world to be a better place. Even just standing back and watching the dance of life around you is enough. You don't have to "do" all the time, you have to "BE" all the time. If all you think you can be is just alive - that's all you NEED to be. Living and loving is enough.

Whatever you can find the loving care, strength, time, interest, or breath to do and chose to do, is being your loving self and it is good enough. Whatever little bit you can do, it's enough.

Even Jesus didn't "fix" everything, only what came into his path. But he tells us that doing what we see needs done in love is enough...

Mark 14:3 - 9

And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he (Jesus) sat at meat, there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard, very precious; and she brake (opened) the box, and poured it on his head.

And there were some that had indignation within themselves, (they got upset) and said, "Why was this waste of the ointment made? For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor." And they murmured against her.

And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? She hath wrought a good work on me. For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will, ye may do them good: but me ye have not always.

She hath done what she could: she is come aforehand to anoint my body to the burying.
Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached throughout the whole world, this also that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her.

This woman has been given no name. She could be rich, poor, married, single, loved, unloved...we know almost nothing about her. She could be any one of us that listens with our heart and does what feels most loving to us.

But I know she had heard the words of Jesus from someone she trusted and, in those words, (Mark 10: 33-34 that he would be killed and rise again in 3 days) she believed. She believed it enough to search her heart for a kindness to do for the man who had affected her life in some way that was so important to her that she wanted him to know she cared.

To the man that gave so much to so many, she gave a gift....

At that time most women were the responsibility of a man. Those that were not were considered low lifes...

Where did a woman get such a gift? Did she beg the gift of the ointment from a friend? Did she have to ask a husband or brother for the money to buy it? Did she sell her jewelry to purchase it? We can't know. But she found a way to get it.

She walked alone, through the house of a known leper, to make her gift. It's not a place many would go at all.

She didn't ask someone to hand it to him. She didn't give it to one of the diciples for him. (good thing too, or they would have sold it!) She walked through the home where a woman alone would stand out and be marked with shame. She went into the room where they were eating, found Jesus and applied it to his body herself.

When they began to mutter that it could have been used better to serve many other poor people Jesus himself didn't just defended her, he praised her action; "She hath done what she could."

And he told them, (I feel to make the point - again - that he had TOLD them he would be killed) "she is come aforehand to anoint my body to the burying."

In essence He said - This woman BELIEVED what I have said to you all.

And her belief and gift touched him so deeply that he declared, "this .. that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her."

Still no name given...why not?

I believe it is so any woman, any time, any where, that has "done what she could" will know that her kindness will be remembered and stand as a memorial to her.

Maybe what you can do won't seem like much. Maybe it won't seem to be good enough. Others may say you could have done more or differently -

But in God's eyes, when you have done what you could in loving care, it will be remembered.

And in the eyes of the one you do for, it will be remembered in their hearts.

Do what you can in love - it is enough.

Be not afraid, only believe

2010-04-07T12:21:00.000-07:00

Jesus was speaking to a huge crowd....

Mark 5:21 ... much people gathered unto him:...

22 And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet, 23 and besought him greatly, saying, "My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live".

This man would have been one whose peers were against Jesus. But he walked through a large crowd of people, people that would KNOW him, and interrupted the teachings that were being given. For love of his child, he would risk or try anything, even one reviled by his peers...and he ASKED for help...

24 And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him.

He was ANSWERED, yes; Jesus said he would come.

Those that heard the request followed to see this miracle done. How often do you get to SEE a real healing? They all had questions and wanted to be where they had a good view. They "crowded in on all sides", bumping right into Jesus and his friends as they walked....there would be many touching each other in such a large crowd trying to fit on a road...

Yet there was another who needed Him and his help that day...

25 And a certain woman, who had an issue of blood (for) twelve years, 26 and had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, ... was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse. 27 When she had heard of Jesus, (passing by) came in the press (crowd) behind, and touched his garment. 28 For she said (to herself), "If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole (healed)." 29 And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

This woman BELIEVED that if she only REACHED OUT her hand and TOUCHED just his clothing, that she would be healed. And she was....

30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, "Who touched my clothes?" 31 And his disciples said unto him, "Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?" 32 And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.

Jesus KNEW he had been touched in faith, he FELT the power in him react to that touch. He knew it was his clothes that had been touched and he knew a woman had done it. When he asked his friends who did it, they meant "You gotta be kidding?" when they answered. How could you tell which one touched you in a crowd this large? But Jesus kept looking for her....

33 But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.

Like anyone who has taken something from someone without asking, she was afraid she would be punished...but she knew she was already healed. She knew he was aware of her. She told him all the truth.

34 And he said unto her,"Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole (healed) of thy plague (illness)".

His words to her were not a punishment, but an explaination, a comfort and a blessing.

What came to me as I listened to this passage is that he feels all of us around him. He feels our belief and our need.

Those that reach out to him with belief draw His attention. His power is ours to use, even for ourselves.

The man asked for and was going to be given help, not for himself, but for his daugher. She was too ill to ask for herself. He was afraid she would die. We can ask for help for others.

This healing slowed them down...

35 While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue's house certain which said, "Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?"

36 As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, "Be not afraid, only believe."

His fear had come true...One of his own people had come to tell him his daughter died. Yet a man he did not know, except by reputation, told him it would be alright....what a quandry! Grieve his daughter or believe she would live? Believe in the word of one he had just met? But he would have SEEN the woman that was healed as she confessed to Jesus. And he had heard of other healings or he would not have come to ask for help. He must have kept believing, as hard as it was....

37 And he suffered (allowed) no man to follow him, save Peter, and James, and John the brother of James.

38 And he cometh to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and seeth the tumult, and them that wept and wailed greatly. 39 And when he was come in, he saith unto them,"Why make ye this ado, and weep? the damsel is not dead, but sleepeth".

40 And they laughed him to scorn. (they ridiculed him, they didn't believe him) But when he had put them all out, he taketh the father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying.

41 And he took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, "Talitha cumi"; which is, being interpreted, "Damsel, I say unto thee, arise". 42 And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.

His daughter lived....The worst word that can come to a parent, "your child has died", was made untrue. What a relief! What a joy to share with his wife and family!

One reached out in belief and was healed, one asked for another and they were healed....the girl was too young and too ill to believe in a stranger - but her father believed for her and she lived...I believe she lived to know who healed her...and those who believed she was dead would have KNOWN a miracle when they saw it...

Try the impossible. Believe in God's unconditional LOVE.

Ask. Don't be afraid, even to stand in front of a crowd and ASK.
Reach out. You have to reach for what you believe will help you.
See. Pay attention and begin to see the miracles around you.
Know. The power of his Love is His to share with us all. Learn to know it is real when you begin to see it around you in answer to your requests and prayers.
Believe. Not just for yourself, your belief will touch others. Ask for those that don't believe.

Ask that they see His love is real, ask that they might have what they need, too. They will begin to see the miracles and know the power of God's love. In time, as they learn to believe, they will reach out to touch others, too.

Whatever comes to you in life, however hard it is, never forget that He tells us, "Be not afraid, only believe."

Be not afraid.

only believe.

No rules

2009-12-22T08:19:00.000-08:00

Pain in your heart that seems caused by another can lead you understanding God's heart in your life. He loves you as you are. He asks that you love others, as they are. Not as you wish them to be, not as they treat you - but as He loves you - no conditions, no rules; Love freely given.

Your percieved pain, when you think someone has hurt your heart, is the birth of learning to love another as God loves - with no conditions. When you remove the conditions from your love the pain fades away.

Loving is not what hurts you, and not being loved by another is not what hurts. Trying to love and be loved only on your terms and not having those conditions honored by others hurts you.

But it is you that set the terms, the conditions, that you would love by....So you have hurt yourself.

""If you don't do this and do act in this way, then I will love you"" - that is what we do to ourselves. Love withheld for behaviors is not love - it is punishment and reward....You sully love when you use it in this way.

And it is human's rules you set to love by when you give conditions to be met, not God's. God's love has no rules to be met, no behaviors to be learned. Love is to always be given freely, not earned...not doled out like coins - GIVEN.

Letting go of your conditions frees you to give love, no matter what others do or how they love. Being human and having to relearn this is normal. We fall into thinking that we have to meet the conditions of those around us, family, friends, society, in order to be loved...We think again that we can not love one who wrongs us by human's rules or those around us will not understand.

Let them be confused but follow the light that is love in your own heart. Love anyway. No rules.

Accept that we hurt each other, that we can not live under others conditions. Forgive them the hurts done as you forgive yourself for being human and feeling a hurt was done.

Give and share love where ever you see it needed, with no rules, no conditions and love on with peace in your heart.

The gift of love freely given can not be wrapped, but it can be carried away in a heart with a smile and a hug behind it that will not be forgotten.

Never say you have no gift to give - your love for those around you IS the gift the never fades.

Choose to love

2009-12-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

Each love you nourish in your life teaches you more about how to love. I try to learn to show love to others as I wish others would show love to me. When I exercise my ability to love gently and kindly, it nourishes everyone I touch but it only changes ME. It changes the way my heart feels.

When I am hurt and forgive it, I feel eased, released from the stress of being upset or emotionally in pain. I can't change how another person is feeling. I can only decide how I will feel.
When I can offer help it lets my heart smile. It is in how we interact with others, how WE each decide to act toward others, that the hope of a good world is brought closer to reality.

A seed can only grow to be like the flower is came from. You can loosen the soil, locate it in the proper amount of sun, keep the weeds away and feed it - offering your labor, your time and your care to the seed. Still, a zinnia seed will only grow to be a zinnia flower.

With your extra care, it will be the best and most healthy zinnia flower it can be, but it will still be a zinnia. What comes from your care of it is your increased exposure to sunshine, more exercise of your muscles, more contemplation of what you can do to help it flower better, thinking caring thoughts - YOU grow stronger for your care of the flower.

People can only be what the seed in them is designed to be - we can't change that, even in ourselves. But our loving care of each other can help us all be the best at being what we are.

It is YOU who changes from giving love to others. You learn to encourage, not discourage; to offer a hand up, not a hand out; to feed a spirit as well as a body. Your heart learns to see that they don't need to change, any more than you do - you just need to accept them as they are and yourself as you are.

Love them just as they are and learn to see what you can do to encourage them to be their very best self. Love yourself JUST as you are and know that each time you overcome your anger or hurt to forgive a friend that the world IS a better place. Be the best and most loving YOU that you can every day.

Lu 12:31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.

If God is love and the kingdom of God is composed of love, then the kingdom is in each heart that loves - your heart and mine. Seek to love freely, to forgive easily, to show others how to love as you wish love would be showed to you here.

Plant your feet in love and expand the border of His Kingdom on this planet. His Kingdom come, His will be done. In His Unconditional and Divine Love I trust. Choose to love.

Shine on

2009-12-01T08:05:00.000-08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

The above was orignally written by Marianne Williamson not by Nelson Mandela.

When others don't understand why I care so deeply and give so much, I will not do less to suit their view of life.

I know sometimes we can only love a little from our broken and sad hearts. I will not care less to "match" their level of love. I will keep sharing my love so there is more love in the world.

I want to show them that even broken and sad hearts can learn to love and trust again and that caring for each other is caring for ourselves.

Forgive me

2009-11-16T10:01:00.000-08:00

Why is it so HARD to remember - "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, [b]do ye even so to them[/b]:....matthew 7:12

Some don't return my phone calls, some don't come when I think I need help. Some can't soothe me when I hurt. Some say unkind things about me when I'm not there. Some have taken things from me without asking. Some don't show up when they say they will be over. Some hurt my feelings with words or actions. Some just seem to be mean to me.

To do what makes me feel I am on the right path and get the warm fuzzy feeling inside, I have to remember we are each just human. I have done these things to others in the past. I have to forgive the hurt I am feeling and return only loving attention and care.

I don't find it easy. Striking out when we hurt is built into the body as a defense mechanisim. It shouldn't to be built into our hearts. We can look at the hurt done to us and realize that, in many cases, it is our sense of importance and pride that is hurting. Is that really worth losing a friend over?

I can no longer return tit for tat. I'm just not going to get into a lose-lose situation again if I can help it. You do what you need to do - I will answer when you call, return your calls, come when you need me, share what I have and try to give what you ask me for. I will continue to help where I can, to fill the needs I see around me....I will try to soothe hurts, ease hearts, offer caring attention....even if that is NOT what you have shared with me -

Why? Because I believe we are all in this together - we are ONE - each a part of the whole. If I hurt you I am hurting myself. I want to love myself. I want to love all of myself. That means loving you, too.

The book doesn't say 'do unto others AS they do unto you', it says to do what you WISH they would do for you...

I wish to be loved. To have help when I need it. To have food when I am hungry. To have companionship when I am lonely. To have what I need when it's needed...I wish to be loved by others and to love them freely.

I can't do that and count the hurts done to me. I am letting go of the hurts and only counting the love. I will count the smallest sign of loving care and watch as those small, loving actions increase.

I believe Love is all there is. Why would I try to track and remember things that are "notlove"?

If you encourage the smallest kindness of others and offer only kindness, it will change the world.

Maybe I won't be able to live up to the ideal every day. I'm human. I can't get vengeful and vindictive and want to hurt someone back....but if I can slow down even one minute and think to try and let the hurt flow over me instead of through me, I am slowing notlove and encouraging Love....I gotta try.

So do unto others as you WISH others would do unto you - feed them, house them, hold them while they cry, laugh with them, and love them.

Forgive them for being humans, love them for being part of your life forever.

Day is Done

2009-10-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

By fire or candle, light was labor. You were sparing with it. There was no running down to the gas station for more propane or to the neighbors for candles...The light went OUT when the sun went down. And we let it.

After a day of hauling wood, cutting sod, feeding animals, and teaching kids how to do the same, the sun went down. Readings or recitations by firelight were entertainment and schooling. Singing was a release of the heart after a day of exercising your muscles...break time. If it was too dark to read, too dark to mend harness, we gathered together and told each other stories.

Families didn't have limitless supplies of acholol or drugs to 'relax' with. Forget TV. They found their own ways to unwind at the end of the day.

We are losing the art of family relaxation. We all need it; it's hardwired into almost everything on the planet. We need the dark. We need to rest.

Even out plants grow better when given dark time in their day. Too much light makes them spindly and thin. Our animals produce better when they are given "night" in their barns.

There is no prize for "Most Exausted Human".

There is a prize for families that relax together. That time of almost sleepy but still awake that we can share builds a bond that lasts. You don't have to do anything but be there and communicate with your family. Make it "Joke of the Day" and everyone tells one. Or just sit in the yard and stare at the consellations together.

Find a way to spend a few minutes each day glad that the night is come and day is done with your family. Even if it is the panacea of TV, snuggling down together to watch it makes the bonds between you stronger. It helps you all rest better knowing there are those who care who are with you each night.

Kick back and party, play cards, sing, tell stories - RELAX - but do it together.

"Col 2:2 That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love ........."

How may I help you?

2009-09-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

I care about those around me. I try to show it. How do you know it's needed if you aren't the one who needs it?

When I care about others I often see things that I think need filling -- from sugar bowls to hearts. I think it's needed because I have needed it before. A gallon of milk, a gas tank, a hug, a quiet talk...I can only recognize "need" as I have known my own needs.

There are some needs we all have and can't mistake. There are some needs unique to each of us.

How do you know you are filling what's truely needed when it's not you who needs it and it's not a need you have had?

I don't. I can only offer to fill the needs as I see them.

I'm really filling the needs [i]I know[/i] in those I meet; My needs. I can only hope it's close enough to what they really need that it helps them.

Can you fill a need if you have not known the need?

I think we can. I think we can see another's plight and aid them even when we don't understand why they think they need something we have never needed so badly. It's not a need you have had, it's not important to you, but you reach out to help them fill it...I think that is love; To help another be all of the best that they are.

I need to love and be loved. I see that as a need in all of us. Whether it truely is a need or not, I see it that way.

When I see someone who needs to be loved it touches my heart. My heart is ripped when I can't fill that need. When all expression of caring is denied by them you can't soothe their hurts. They will not let others love them.

When I see someone who has stopped loving, it makes my heart ache for them. Denying yourself that need, to me, is the same as standing in a blizzard naked. To stop loving others is to kill something in yourself, as I see it.

So the basic reason I fill the needs around me is because I NEED to love. To show people they are loved is secondary, really.

That's a hard thing to say. I want to be caring for others to show them there is one who cares for us all, but I know now it's my need to give love that I am filling...

When I fill anyone's need, I am filling my own....I'll keep reaching out to each I meet. Now I think I understand why I do.

Where are you going?

2009-09-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

Joh 16:12 I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.

You can't bear them now. Interesting phrase. He would not hurt their hearts further or load them down with things they did not need to know yet, but He wanted them to know He would be sharing more thoughts with them later.

What he had to say NOW was hard enough to share with them. The rest could wait.

Joh 16:16 A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father.

Joh 16:18 They said therefore, What is this that he saith, A little while? we cannot tell what he saith.

They didn't understand. He is telling them he's going to die, but he calls it "you won't see me and then, after a little while, you WILL see me...He SAYS he doesn't die, just go where he can't be seen.....but "He'll be back."

Joh 16:20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.

You will be sad and upset, but it will be a good thing that I have died to this world...and you will understand it - later.

Joh 16:22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

Now He knows He has made his friends sad. They understand he's going to die...and - like us - they STILL thought it meant "dead". Even though they had seen him revive the dead.....so they know that the spirit can be returned to a body....the SPIRIT didn't die.

He tries to comfort them by saying He will see them later and you will never miss me again...but they probably didn't believe Him.

Dead is dead, right?

So when people don't believe me I know I am in good company.

What happens when we "die"? Where do we go? Can WE come back? He tried to tell them.

I try to tell you... http://1way2see.com/thebook.html

You won't die. You change, but you are alive and loving on. I can't say I will return here to see anyone after, but I will say I'll be watching and loving you and that I'll see you when you get there.

Next time I will take another swing at grace. It's why I believe that each one of us will meet later.

Truth

2009-09-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

I've covered this before but it comes back over and over. The Divine Love is so pure it feels like liquid truth...I can't say it better.

Truth is so much a part of love that they can't be separated.

When you use untruths to those you love it twists something in you because YOU know it is not truth.

The other person now has false information to work with between you. They believe you. Your lie is their truth.

Now the balance is off between you but you are the only one who knows it.

When all the lies you have told come together in the day you need the truth between you they are hurt, your love together is hurt badly and you have shown yourself as untrustworthy.

Really - is it worth looking perfect to lie?

We're not perfect. We make mistakes. We hurt each other. But if you keep it all in the daylight, nothing to hide, it can be dealt with between you.

I'll find the verses that go with this later, it is in the book.

But I am glad I have kept what I do and where I walk in the light. I have no shame and nothing to hide in my life now.

I have done things in the past that shame me. I like walking without that in my life.

It's hard to be honest. And it's hard to find honest words that don't hurt. But it's loving to be truthful with each other. It's not loving to lie.

I gotta go with the love.

It is what it is. It's all good

2009-08-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to accept what I know is a truth sometimes.

It's all good.

It doesn't always look that way from here.

When I find myself trying to "make life better" for someone I have to be very careful to just take care of the right things and leave them to chose their own way through life. Whatever they are doing in life, it's what they are needed as here. What they are is not just what we percieve them as, but perfect for the need that they will fill in this life.

We don't often see the perfection of ourselves. We almost never see the perfection in another. Trained to look for the "lacks", we neglect the fine qualities in each other and ourselves.

Each of us choses how to live while we are here within the circumstances we find ourselves in. Hard times make for hard choices. But we keep walking through life. We get up from adversity over and over. We presever. Even when we just hide under the covers from life for a time, we are preserving ourselves for the time we will be needed. Humans are amazing survivors.

Every one of us, as we are, are alive. Some of us are living and some of us are just existing until we can find the strength to live again. But we are making it - with a little help from our friends.

We can make things better for one another. A phone call, a cup of sugar, a ride - all small things. But they show we care and the one we touch knows they are not alone. Maybe sometimes all we can do is love each other where we stand and offer our tears. But we care and we share. People are good.

Accept people as they are. Love them as they are. Don't expect them to be what YOU think they should be. They are what they are and it is all good.

Give lovingly, but walk your own path and do them the great respect of letting them walk theirs.

The hearts are his to heal. The spirits are His to waken. Our only task is to love 'em while we've got 'em.

You're not lost

2009-08-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

Where you are is where you belong right now. It's not easy to see the point in where we are standing when it's hard, hurtful, lonely or depressing to us. But it is where we are needed.

When we are true to ourselves we are walking for him. Truth is love. Love is God. God is Love. We may feel our response to a situation is harsh, over the top, or even hurtful to another. He will always use the truth of us to show His truth to the world.

Your heart is known and treasured just as it is today. The power of His love does not need physical strength or communication skills to show His love is real here; It only needs a heart that loves and cares, like His heart loves and cares.

He knows what we see as our imperfections. He knows what we see as our negative feelings and thoughts. He knows each heart that He brings in touch with another heart and will guide you to where you are needed and what He needs from you He will show you in a way you will understand.

Where ever it is that you are today, all He asks is that you love the ones he brings you. Show them loving care and kindness He has shared with you, and that is all you are asked to do.

Sometimes that loving care requires harsh words of truth. Other times it only needs the touch of a hand to a shoulder. Words are unneeded. However you express your care and love to another, JUST the way you express it, is why He has brought you to where you are.

You are never where He is not there. You are never blind to His call if He needs you to see and hear Him. He will open your heart and give you the inspiration you need to share that love.

When you are hurt and confused, stop. Look around you. Listen to your heart. When you find what you really want to do, it will be what He has put in your heart. Then do it, knowing He has it all covered and that you are just the right heart to do what He sees is needed. Trust Him to always know more than you do, see further than you can and love all the hearts involved.

You can be in the middle of nowhere, with nothing at hand and no one there and there will be a reason you are standing there. You are not lost. He needed you there, for just that length of time for a reason.

You are not lost. You are not forgotten. You are not ever out of His heart. We can't always see it from here, but the love is always holding you. Cling to that love and walk your days in peace.

Love does NOT hurt.

2009-07-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

All the songs and poems moaning the pains of love and I bought it. Love hurts. We teach it to each other all our lives and the older we get the more shy many are of caring again. They can't take the pain, the hurt to their heart will be too much to bear, they say.

They are wrong.

Loving does not hurt.

Repeating: Love does NOT hurt.

It won't hurt your heart - ever - to love.

What hurts is having to stop loving.
What hurts is when you can't love anymore.
What hurts is when one you love is gone, or doesn't love you anymore.

Stopping love hurts.

Loving doesn't.

I have hurt from being left, having someone die, dogs getting run over, cats the same, kids moving away, and more. I have hurt in love before. But it is NOT the love that hurt. It's trying to let go of the love that hurts.

I don't know how to tell you how that thought - love does not hurt - spun my head. I am stunned by how backwards we got it. Love does not hurt.

Don't stop loving; Stopping the love hurts.

I AM

2009-06-30T15:06:00.000-07:00

I am thy shield
I am the LORD
I am the Almighty God
I am waxed old
I am a stranger
I am the daughter
I am the the son
I am Abraham's servant
I am faint
I am at the point to die
I am the God of Abraham
I am with thee
I am old
I am a smooth man
I am thy son
I am weary
I am the LORD God of Abraham
I am with thee
I am the God of Bethel
I am God Almighty
I am bereaved
I am God
I am to be gathered unto my people

Buggin Me

2009-06-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

A caterpillar, hatches, eats, grows and builds a cocoon. It just does what it feels the need to do when it feels the need to do it.

The butterfly destroys the cocoon as it is "born". It lifts it's wings and moves them to dry them. It flies away.

They are the same creature. It does what comes naturally to it. What does the caterpillar need to know of flying? What does the butterfly know of building a cocoon? They don't even eat the same way.

They know what they need for the body they are in at the time. When it becomes the next form, it learns a new way to live. They don't need to 'worry' about what comes next. No one teaches them, they just LIVE. They do what they need to do to survive.

If humans can be compared to the caterpillar and our spirits are likened to the butterflies, why are we so concerned with "flying"? What's wrong with just being loving humans while was are human?

We know how to be loving, caring humans. We chose how we live. Love or don't love. Care or don't care, it's our choice.

To make this world a little better, all we have to be is caring of it and loving of each other. Hug someone today. Call a friend and share your time with them. Love someone. Live, love, give and share lovingly.

Yes, there is more to life than being human in a body. But right now, that's what we are. It's no more "wrong" to be human with human needs than it is for the caterpillar to eat leaves.

Now, we live here.

Later, we fly!

And when we get our wings, I'll fly a lap around the universe with you.

Sharing

2009-05-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

We were talking about teaching and nourishing our spirits on the board today. I had this email come through last week. I'm sharing here because it explains so much so simply.

********

A man reached the pearly gates and before he decided to walk through, ask St. Peter to show him heaven and hell, so he could chose. The Saint agreed and led him to a room with two doors.

Behind the first door was a hugh table full of people with a feast spread out in front of them. Each person had long spoons instead of arms. All the people there were starving. They were fighting with each other trying to get to the food, but the spoons were too long to let them get it to their mouths even when they did get a bit..."That's hell", said St. Peter.

Behind the next door was the same scene, a hugh table of food and people all around it. These people also had long spoons instead of arms, but they were well fed, healthy, laughing and chatting...."That's heaven", said St. Peter, as he closed the door.

"What is the difference?", the man asked, "Both places were the same but for the way the people acted...."

Saint Peter answered, "The people in heaven have learned to feed each other."

********

It's not just food we need here. We need to feed each other's spirits. That is why I opened a new forum on my website last week. It's a place for comfort and feeding your spirit.

My readers here are welcomed there. The link is on the side bar - Dead is Just a Four Letter Word. When you get there, click on the "Forum" link in the menu. You have to register to post, but you can read all you want.

This is my "coming out". Many have not made the connection between this site and that one. I maintain them both. They are mine. Also on the side bar here is Forward Ho, which is my daily blog. I'm going there now to post the new site.

I hope you will join us.

The perfect gift for everyone

2009-05-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

There is only one you.
In all of creation,
from this tiny planet
to the furthest reaches of the universe,
only
one
you.

No other one anywhere
can ever have or be.
Your self.

Sharing your love with another
is the most precious gift
you can give,
for there is no other that can offer it.
They can recieve it only from you.

When someone offers you
their time,
their thoughts,
their trust -
it can not be duplicated
or replaced
by those same things from any other.

Each time
we take someone
into our lives
it creates a joining,
unique,
between us;
our self and that one other soul.
are a pair
that can never be recreated
by any other love
in our lives.

Each of us is unique.
Each friendship is unique.
Each love is unique.
You can share everything you are
with everyone you meet
and it will never be the same
as it was with another one.

It will still be love.
It will still be precious.
It will still bring joy.
But it will never be the same
as any other love
you have in your life.

You can not give the love you have
for one to another.
You can only grow a new
and unique love
with that other.

So in each person
resides the capacity
to love many
like they are the only love
in their life.
Because each one you love
is the only one of them
in creation.

Only you can give this gift,
your love,
to another here.
It can not be taken from you,
forced from you,
stolen from you or
duplicated by another.
Love is always,
and only
a unique gift.

The rarest of treasures,
and most precious of gifts
is when one you love
loves the only one of you.

A giving of your love
creates a great love.
You always have
your unique love
to give to any other
you choose.
(return to top)

My mom made me do it.

2009-05-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Growing up, you do a lot of things you may not understand the importance of because your Mother told you to...not 'asked', TOLD.

Mom's don't always have the luxury of time to explain what's going on and why things need to be done. They just tell you to do them and expect it to get done NOW, not tomorrow, now.

Sometimes this makes the kids just a tad confused. It may not make any sense to them. (it can wait, why do I have to do it, you want WHAT?)

It may mess up their plans for the day. Sometimes it messes up their heads. (You WILL apologize to your brother! ((but he started it!)) NOW.) Kids live through it.

Moms won't change, They are trying to guide their children through life. Guide, cajol, push, drag, or compel, they try to get us taught in a way that will keep us out of jail and out of trouble with others. If, when we are on our own, we know the right thing to do in the correct places, it is partly because Mom (or dad or step mom or grams) told us it had to be that way.

It was no different for Jesus. He KNEW he was the Son of God, he was a Divinely led teacher, he had power to change the weather and bring the dead to life.

He still had a mom.

She raised him the best she knew how. She tried to take care of him. When he wandered off, she went to look for him. When he was grown, he took care of her. They were together at a family wedding one day.....

John 2
And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there. And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

She didn't say, would you or could you or will you please. She simply stated the problem. They have no wine.

Not all communication is with words...any kid can tell you that. You know the look she would have given with those words; That "this is a problem you can fix, so fix it" look. All moms seem to have one like that, so they can insist you do something without saying another word.

Jesus was to be a famous, beloved savior to all that lived. There might have been a plan in place that would include a more earth shattering miracle than this one for his first time out.

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

This was not the time to do miracles. He said so. He looked back at his mom and said "who are you to tell me what to do? I've been grown and gone for years now. (you're not the boss of me...)

But she is the mom. She would have up'ed her "look" to "THE look" and turned away, knowing he would not let her down.

His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.

Then she walked back to the party, knowing the family would have what they needed, because she had taken care of the problem by putting it in the hands of one who could fix it. Her part was done. Her son would handle it.

Because she told him to.

Now here is a good place to put "What would Jesus do?" I'm betting he rolled his eyes (after her back was turned) and let out that heavy sigh that all kids express when mom just dumps it on them and expects them to get it done....

It didn't matter that she was no longer the boss of him or that it wasn't the right time in Jesus' plan - His mom said the time was now and the need was wine.....Not gold, not love, not life, not healing - wine for a wedding party. Right. now.

So - what DID Jesus do?

His first public miracle, that's what. Why? Because God ordained it? (okay, maybe he did). But because his mother asked it of him. (okay, told him to).

And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.

(A firkin is about ten gallons. That's some big water pots. You are talking at least 60 gallons of wine....)

Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.

And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.

They put it into pitchers and took it to be approved. That's what the tradition was. The head host or best man had to taste it and say it was okay to serve.

When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (he didn't know where it came from or that it was just water about a minute earlier) (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, and saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.

Note that he didn't just make acceptable wine. They would have served the best they had at the beginning of the party. Jesus, who's time was not yet, and who no longer had a boss he called Mom, made an excellent wine....Because his mom would expect no less than his best.

And you know that when she saw the smile on the governer's face she would have looked at Jesus where he stood near the pots of water and just GLOWED a smile at him that said, "Thank you, my son. I knew I could count on you!"

And he would have grimaced and turned back to talking to the relatives he hadn't seen in a while and to the friends he had with him and ignored her the rest of the party. That's how kids are sometimes. We resent the things our parents put to us. We hate having our plans messed up.

But we love them, so we do it.

This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.

This was seen and testified to by his disciples later. ("I was there when he turned plain water into wine. No, I don't know how he does it. But you should'a been there! What a party!!")

Even after she made him do something he didn't want to, even after she spoiled her son's plans, they traveled together.

After this he went down to Capernaum, he, and his mother, and his brethren, and his disciples: and they continued there not many days.

You can bet they talked this out on the way. She and he would have done the "I knew you could", "Ya, but MOMMMM"...until they got to the part where they forgave each other and exchanged I love you's and hugs. They worked it out.

Mothers are not always easy to have. There are good ones, bad ones, sick ones and sad ones. But if you have a mother today, go spend some time with her.

It's what she would want you to do if you asked her.

And it's what Jesus would do....

If there is a God, why doesn't he take me?

2009-03-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

It's a question anyone may cry out in the dark of sorrow or grief that feels too deep to survive. It's not a question that can really be answered, except in your own heart.

The answer, for me, was "Because somebody here still needs you".

It isn't a matter of me being "good" enough to go home or a matter of the days here being promised to me as "easy". It's that, because I love and care, even through my own hurts, there is one who will need the loving care only I can give them.

Maybe I will have to get through today and many tomorrows to see who it is and how I may help them, but me being on the planet is going to be exactly what someone needs one day.

Maybe I will be standing in just the right spot at just the right time and meet just the right person to change negative to positive. It might be as simple as taking a tree branch out of the road after a storm and preventing an accident or as dramatic as going into a burning building to get someone out. I don't know. I can't know what all the tomorrows will bring.

I do know that when I read, "If you want to know if your job here is done, check and see if you are still breathing." - I knew it for a true statement. I'm still here, still breathing. Still needed.

It's hard to see what point there is to our lives sometimes. Many times there seems to be no point at all. But while you are here what we do, even all alone, affects us all.

And for one person somewhere, sometime, I may be the only one who can do what needs to be done just the way only I would do it.

So for those of you wandering around wondering why you can't get a ticket home - Hang on.

Somebody needs you.

What am I doing here?

2009-03-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

What am I doing here? I can't answer it. But I know you are important. Precious. Loved.

I got some info from http://www.lifeofchrist.com/life/genealogy/women.asp

"Matthew included five women in his genealogy of Christ. This is notable since it was not customary for Jews to include women in their records. The five women were: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. "

Tamar (Genesis 38:6-30) was the daughter-in-law of a man named Judah. Her husband, Judah's son, died, leaving no children.

Judah gave her to his son's brother. By law her offspring would continue the dead son's name and recieve his inheritance.

Tamar's brother-in-law refused to have children with her. God killed him for this. Judah would not give Tamar to any of his other sons, having lost two now.

Tamar, to continue her husband's line, disguised herself as a harlot and seduced Judah. Their child was named Perez, which means "divided".

Rahab ( Joshua 2:1-24 ) was a harlot who lived in Jericho. She hid the spies of Joshua. Because of this, the Israelites spared her life when they conquered Jericho. She later became the wife of Salmon, and the mother of Boaz. Rahab's faith was later commended (Heb 11:30-31).

Ruth ( Ruth 1:1-4:22) was a Moabite. She had married a Jew. Her mother-in-law was Naomi. They journeyed to Israel after all the men in the family died. Ruth would not leave Naomi to travel alone.

While in Israel, Ruth met and married Boaz, one of Naomi's relatives. Ruth later became the mother of Obed, the grandfather of David the King.

Bathsheba ( 2 Samuel 11:1-27 ) was the wife of Uriah the Hittite, who was a soldier in the army of King David. David wanted her after seeing her one time. He commanded she be brought to him. (Kings get to do that...) He slept with her and got her with child.

David called her husband home from war. When his plan to trick him about the pregnancy wouldn't work, David sent Uriah back into the thick of the battle. sHe also sent secret orders that support should be withdrawn from Uriah when the fighting became fierce. Uriah was killed.

David then took Bathsheba as his own wife. God punished David for this by killing their first child. Bathsheba had another son and called him Solomon, "one who recompenses".

Mary ( Matthew 1:18-25, Luke 1:26-56) Mary was a virgin when Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit. (but try to tell your fiancee' and your neighbors THAT!) When Joseph found she was with child he intended to put her away secretly because this was so shameful.
An angel came to tell Joseph what had happened. Joseph went ahead and took Mary as his wife, (inspite of what "everyone" said about her). Mary later had other sons and daughters by Joseph. (Matthew 13:55-56).

I think the point is that every life has value, always. You may not know what is important about your life while you live it. You can't know what you are doing here, only what you appear to be doing....and things are not always what they seem.

What you think is important about your life may not be the real gift you leave the world. You may build a hospital or write a book. That's good. But it may be one who reads the book that changes the world. It may be years after you are passed over to the other side that your life's importance is discovered.

No matter your situation, you can still contribute more love and joy to the world by teaching one more person to love and share love with others. By doing what is important to you, you contribute to the future.

Tamar never knew she was an ancestor to the man who would change the world. She seduced her father in law to keep her husband's name alive. She wanted children and a family.

Rahab never knew, either. She was "just a whore" and probably never expected to marry, much less have children and a caring husband.

Ruth was looking out for her mother in law, supporting her and herself. They were only destitute, grieving widows. But she found love again and is also one of Jesus' ancestors.

Mary was like any teen aged girl suddenly with child. She bore the shame. Many would not have believed in the virgin birth until her son was in his thirties and began his ministry of miracles. 33 years of scorn she may have endured. Why? What point in living when "everyone says" you cheated on your man....

Whatever you think of yourself, whatever you think society says you are, you are a person who loves.

God loves you just the way you are, just where you are standing, whatever you are doing.
So when it's hard, when it's lonely, when your heart is filled with grief, comfort yourself with the knowing that you have a value - you love.

Hold to YOUR course

2009-01-29T10:17:00.000-08:00

Mark 6:45-52 (NKJV)
45 Immediately He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while He sent the multitude away.
46 And when He had sent them away, He departed to the mountain to pray.
47 Now when evening came, the boat was in the middle of the sea; and He was alone on the land.
48 Then He saw them straining at rowing, for the wind was against them. Now about the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea, and would have passed them by.
49 And when they saw Him walking on the sea, they supposed it was a ghost, and cried out;
50 for they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."
51 Then He went up into the boat to them, and the wind ceased. And they were greatly amazed in themselves beyond measure, and marveled.
52 For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened.

46 And when He had sent them away, He departed to the mountain to pray.

What did Jesus have to pray about? He'd healed the sick, spoken of the new gospel to the people that sought him, fed the crowd, sent the disciples safely away and finally got some time to himself.

I would have collapsed in a heap and wanted a hot cuppa tea. He wanted to commune with God.

The day wasn't over yet and I think he knew it. He still had to walk out over the sea and meet the boat, calm the storm and lift Peter out of the waves.

If I knew I had all that to do after all I had done my prayer might have been, "Father - don't you realize how much you are cramming into a day for me here? I'm TIRED! How am I supposed to get the rest of this done? I'm beat now. They don't even see what is right in front of them. You just fed 5000 people and they don't even see that as a miracle so WHY did you have me even try? Wasn't it a wasted effort? And now you want me to walk on water. Do you remember I'm from the desert? Sand, wind - those I know. Walk on WATER? What is the POINT!"

Now I'm betting that, with his deeper understanding, that isn't what Jesus prayed. But how often would we have seen the whole event of feeding 5000 as wasted because no one saw the miracle in it but us? Walking on water? Who cared? It just scared his friends. Pulling Peter out? What for? How come Peter had to lose faith? Hadn't he showed them ENOUGH miracles yet? Didn't they understand he was God's son and could do anything he needed to, including allowing another to walk on water?

He still has to keep showing us, everyday, that he is real. We can't seem to remember the healings, the rescues, the "just exactly what I needed" events from yesterday. I feel better knowing the disciples couldn't remember, either.

And the poor disciples are out there rowing a boat in a storm! Why? Because that's what Jesus asked them to do. He was the one everyone wanted to see. What was the point in them going to the next place without him. Why would they struggle to keep the boat afloat and on course? No one is going to know how hard it was. Why didn't they just give up and drift?

He gave them a direction and they were trying to do what he asked of them. Was it easy? Did it seem to have an important purpose? Aside from keeping themselves alive in the storm there was no reason to aim where he told them to. There was a storm. Anyone would understand if they just put into land anywhere for safe harbor in a storm....

But they didn't. They kept rowing even though the wind was against them. Even though no one would know what they did and even though it looked like they might die in the attempt and even though they may have felt stupid for staying out in a storm. They kept rowing.

I'm glad to know they preservered. When I seem to be "going against the grain" of the world or people around me, but I know it's where I have been directed, I can hold my course sure. I wait for the voice that will come out of the dark - "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."

He's here. Every minute, every trial, every seemingly pointless effort, is guarded by him. That's the comfort of the story for me - no matter what, do not be afraid. He's got me covered.

Ten percent?

2009-01-28T08:23:00.000-08:00

Mt 23:23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

Is our "tithe" limited to the physical things we have? Things; money, homes, food, possessions. They have value and to share them is not just "good" but love being showed.

This verse seems to say that to show the love that has been given to us that we should tithe of our "things" AND our hearts. When I am angry if I could think to "tithe" forgiveness wouldn't I then give up the anger at another and isn't that a tithe of love?

When someone wrongs me and I can think to tithe "mercy", that I have been given in such abundance, wouldn't I give up the hurt and make peace?

I had already come to the conclusion that we should tithe of our talents as well as our resources. Tithing time, transportation, skills - I understood that. But tithing of our feelings and judgements - that's a new thought.

Many times I have thought the truth of my feelings was trash I was handing to the Divine Loving Being - but he sees the truth as beautiful, whatever it is in my judgement. If I could be willing to give up a tithe, say ten percent, of my hurt, anger and frustrations with life, wouldn't it be improving my life?

And if he returns what you tithe to him ten fold then wouldn't I have more ability to forgive, offer mercy, pass on kindness, not hurts?

I don't know. When I don't know I say, "There's two ways to find out; Ask someone who knows or try it and see." I'm guessing on this one I'll be trying it to see.

I'll tithe of my feelings. If I am angry I will reach for forgiveness to give instead of more hurt to another. If I am sad I will reach for a small part of joy to share - not sadness. I will give up the self pity for a bit of thankfulness and share that with others. Then I will see what happens next.

I know I haven't said this well. The words are deceptive. I have tithed of my income and my possesions. Now I'm going to add to it. I will tithe of kindness, forgiveness and mercy instead of passing on anger, pain and sadness. It makes sense to me. It's the way I see it today.

I can't, again

2008-12-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

I can't do it.

I can't keep someone from making a poor decision. I can't help everywhere I see the need for it. I can't change the weather when people are too broke to pay for heat. I can see the hurt hearts and broken hearts and blind hearts in pain. I can see the needs around me but I just can't help them all. I can't hardly do anything for anyone right now. My resources have been limited again.

It's discouraging to the point of tears sometimes.

I can't be anything other than what I am. I'm not rich enough, powerful enough, strong enough, smart enough - or whatever "enough" it is - to do what I think would be good for me or those around me.

There is a reason for this.

1 Corinthians 1

25 [This is] because the foolish thing [that has its source in] God is wiser than men, and the weak thing [that springs] from God is stronger than men.

26 For [simply] consider your own call, brethren; not many [of you were considered to be] wise according to human estimates and standards, not many influential and powerful, not many of high and noble birth.

27 [No] for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame.

28 And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are...

I have to remember it's not my job to heal the world, only to love those brought to me the best I can while they are with me. This day, this person, this one thing they need help with or I need help with.

If it is only to listen while they let go of the hurt in their day, I can do that. I can't change what is hurting them, though and that has weighed on my heart so very much these last months.

Now - how is someone to see the invisible love working in their life if every time they have a need or a hurt they only see a human helping? If everything that happens in life makes sense, follows a pattern, fits our view of the world we keep thinking humans are all there is.

How can the Divine Love show it exists if it's always a strong person addressing the need? Someone with resources to spare and a heart to use them can make a real difference in this world. I believe we are to love and care for each other here. But that isn't all there is.

It's the letter from an old friend with a check in it. It's meeting just the doctor you need in an elevator. Meeting a person in line at the store and finding out they know a perfect job for you; Finding exactly what you needed sitting on the corner for free....

The Love brings these things to you through others that have no way to know there is a need. You see it every day in your life and those around you. I believe that is The Divine Love in action.

For me God's middle name is "Coincidence".

Discouraged

2008-10-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

John 6:26 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, you have been searching for Me, not because you saw the miracles and signs but because you were fed with the loaves and were filled and satisfied.

I did a lot of thinking about this one over the last several months. When I read it I heard a hurt in it. Jesus was a man with a heart when he said it. But it was his spirit hurting that I heard, not his ego.

I can't recall anywhere the words from him were "darn, they don't like me". But over and over he sighs for lack of being able to get the real point across - like in the verse above.

I know, and from deep in my heart I want you to know that I KNOW - you didn't come because you saw the miracles and signs - but because you were fed and satisfied with only food. You didn't seek me for the love, but for your needs to be filled.

I try to tell you about the love and you nod your head because you can't speak with your mouth full. I have not touched your hearts, only your hungry bodies. I have not lit your soul with love but only eased your physical hunger. You will be hungry again tomorrow. You will be without the love again tomorrow.

That was his sadness - their hearts and souls didn't get it, were not touched from what he did, only their bodies. I got a taste of that feeling lately. I have tried to show people that no matter how much I do for them and others that my needs are met when I am doing the work he brought to me, loving them.

It shows. My bills are paid, my truck runs, the dogs are fed and I have what I need even after I help them with what they need. I somtimes do so much that they think I will be going without. But everytime something happens and my needs are filled.

I wanted them to see that loving them the best I know how is what he brings my heart to do, sharing that the Divine Loving Being is real here and alive and only loving, is what I try to do. To share that we don't die, that we live and love on is part of it, too.

What they see is that they have food in the cupboard. They have what they need coming. But they think I did it. They don't see that I may have shared with them but what I need to have available to share is brought to me. Sometimes even before I even know there is a need for it somewhere I will be walking.

And they don't love me. They love what I can do for them. I stand alone here in heart and body, but in spirit I am rich in love. Here they are my friends but they fade when I have met their needs. Or when I can no longer meet their needs. Sometimes that happens so they will reach for the real comforter.

When I see no change in the way they share and love others. I didn't get the love across.
That is his sadness. He didn't get it said or done well enough or the right way to have it touch their hearts and show them the way to live in love on their own, they seek him to fill their bellies. He tells them more....

John 6:27 Stop toiling and doing and producing for the food that perishes and decomposes [in the using], but strive and work and produce rather for the [lasting] food which endures [continually] unto life eternal; the Son of Man will give (furnish) you that, for God the Father has authorized and certified Him and put His seal of endorsement upon Him.

John 6:28 They then said, What are we to do, that we may [habitually] be working the works of God? [What are we to do to carry out what God requires?]

John 6:29 Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].

Believe what I showed you is real and all your needs will be met by Him whom I represent. You don't need me for this to be real in your life, you need to love and work for Him.

I can love them, and care and try to fill the needs I see around me, but if I don't somehow communicate to their hearts that Love is what we are and being loving to each other is what we do for each life to be the best life it can then I may have failed, in a way, too. The world is a better place with each loving action taken by anyone everyday. I want that world for my grands.

For us to be kind and loving, sharing and caring, not ripping and fighting and hurting each other is a vision I hold dear. I don't want to have to switch dimensions to enjoy it. We can have it here.

I love more deeply now. I see that to give is to love and to forgive is to love and that, sometimes, to leave is to love. I try to do what is most loving. It's not always what I want to do. It has become what I need to do.

I fight it on occasion, I don't like it sometimes, when the most loving thing for another is not the most loving thing for me. I hurt from it here as a human woman. But eventually I work it through and can do it with a smiling heart.

We all have a desire to be loved and look for that love in ways we understand here. We seek it in each other. We only find it when we look to the love for everyone else first. Making the world a better place for everyone doesn't always make it a better place for us...I'm not saying it well.

But my heart is at peace when I do what I know is loving truth. That's the part that lets me know I did the right thing for them. I have to listen to it and be glad, no matter how alone or sad I feel from an action, that I did what was loving in a loving way. Not in anger, not from meaness, not vengeful, not selfish and not greedy for me, but the most loving thing for them.

Even when it hurts now I know it is love that hurts me. Here I can't see the long view and the big picture but I know that when I am being loving that I am stitching in the colors that will make it beautiful for all of us one day.

And when I see one that comes because I meet their needs I still smile to be spending time with one I love. I just wish I could do more for them than feed them. I want to ease their hearts and souls and lift the pain from them.

I can't, but I know who can and I ask Him to touch their lives everyday until they know and love with Him, too.

But, like Jesus, I have those times I am discouraged. I know they seek me for the wrong reason. Or they leave for the wrong reason.

One loving kindness at a time, I keep trying anyway.

You are loved. You are not going to die. You will live and love beyond the death of this body. Feed your soul and grow forever. Feed the love to others and let them learn to love here, too and the world is a little better place.

One Way too See

2008-09-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

I liked the concept that how I see the world and react and interact with it is unique to me. I can try to understand how others see it. The only way I can see it is my way.

That's true for each of us. There is no way to break all the walls, social, emotional and self imposed, that each of us use to present ourselves to another. Even in the most committed and trusting relationships there are parts of us we don't share. I call it the kernel of me.

But we do the best we can. I put up the website http://1way2see.com/ and posted this blog there for now. As I go it will morph into something related to Dead is Just a Four Letter Word. I'm thinking of posting about my feelings on reading the letters I get. There have been some heart aching stories that have come my way. While I couldn't share them, I can relate how my day can be affected by them, my heart torn and my spirit lifted.

I have made friends, virtual ones, of some of those that write to me. I found places to meet others that have died and returned. It's been amazing.

For now it is just the same as this blog. You might want to go bookmark the site for future reference. It's gonna change when I have time.

Give it up.

2008-08-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

You get told that - "You're beating your head against a stone wall. Give it up!"

Today the words that came to me were "Give it up."

I don't like giving up when I have started something. There is are situations in my life that I have worked hard at and put a lot of time, money, effort and my very heart into. Some of them ain't goin nowhere. I have to give it up. That made me sad.

Then I realized what I had to do was "give it UP^" I took it in prayer and laid it on the lap of my friend, the Christ. I could tell Him how hard I tried and how disappointed I am that I am not what is needed when I want so to be needed and loved. I told him how I still screw up even when it's love I'm trying to express. I told Him I was sorry I can't do more. I have to give it up.

He took it for me. There is no shame in giving it up to Him. He knows we can't always "fix it" down here. It's not us that opens hearts and eyes and minds, it's Him. All we can do is show others it works in our lives by living what we believe. Their choices are theirs.

I can point them to Him, I can say and show I look to Him, only He can open them to the love that is theirs from Him.

Sometimes I try too hard. I "work at" trying to do what should be easy for me when it's something I love doing. I know that when I am trying to please others here and not the Divine Love I get all tensed up. It hurts when what I do seems not to be enough or appreciated.

Today I have to "give it Up^" and give up trying so hard myself. I have to know I don't need to feel I have failed. I have done what I can, the rest is up to Him.

Silly me, thinking I can change even one heart when I can't even control myself without His guidance. Foolish me, being hurt because I'm not good enough by other humans standards. In His eyes I am enough.

I gotta remember what's important is just to give, show and share love. The rest is "up^" to Him.

First Fruits

2008-07-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

I looked up "tithe" and, after some reading, decided to leave it at a percent of your increase that you give where it's needed out of love. The Old Testament is more specific. It's not worth getting all stirred up about. It means to put back part of what you recieve for others benefit and dedicate it to God. In my case that means to Love. (Different words, same thing)

The book says some other things about tithes, articles say many things about tithes. What I have been thinkng about is the phrase "first fruits" - "the firstfruits of your toil" (Exodus 23:16) . It's the first place I can find this phrase.

Fruit - offspring - increase - things that grow from an established plant or person. Things that grow, produce seed of their own after they separate from their "creator". This continues through the generations and into the future, well past the first tree that put out a seed or the first child.

The first fruits of our toil is not just a cut of the cash we make going to work. It's not just the produce we grow and share with our neighbors - it's us. We are the first fruits of the previous generations. Then there are our first fruits. I see it as our talents, our skills, our knowledge and our abilities.

I see first fruits in how we show love to others here; how we raise our children to care and love - or not. Not as we told them, but as we showed them, we will see our fruit in them.

I wish I had done better for my children but they have learned from others in their lives to live and love even when I could not show it well. They love.

That's a large part of what we pass on to the next generations following us - love; how to, how not to, caring for each other, believing in each other. Love shared is"first fruits", too.

It's not all about the money and who gets it. It's the time and who you share it with. We seem to spend most of our time with people we pass by as "co-workers", not friends and certainly not anyone we would show loving care to. When we get back to the little bit of time left for our families we are tired and often need some love showed to us, too. To find the energy to love your family and do something besides sit beside them in front of the TV is beyond many of us.

What will the fruit be of that kind of life? We see it all around us. Kids whose parent's are busy keeping up with chores and the responsibilities of life, but not finding time to be with those "first fruits" and love them. Dad's exausted and wondering why he doesn't want to spend time with Mom. Mom is beat and wishing she could find more time for Dad. They both see the kids slipping away but don't know how to pull them back....scattered energy, scattered families being sent into the future where the fruit will be tough and dry.

To put your best forth for "tithe" you don't need to have money - look where love is needed and give what you can to each one you meet. Some days I don't love as well as others. Most of the time I am afraid I love too well and leave myself or those that look to me feeling shorted. I just keep trying.

Those tired families? Take over a meal on a Wednesday night after work and heat it up so they can sit down with you ( and each other) and spend time together. Take the kids with you for a night. Don't know what to do with them? Teach them how to do something you love doing. I intend to make candles again soon and have a couple kids over. Their folks get a break and time to be with each other, I get company, the dogs get petted and the kids get some much needed attention. We all get candles.

Doesn't seem like a tithe to you? Gas to get the kids, food to feed them, something to do isn't always free either. Patience with more people around than you are used to and the time to do it. Looks like a tithe to me. First fruits given to show love to another.

It applies to your job, your hobbies, your daily walk - how can you give a tithe from a walk? Invite someone to go with you that needs companionship or exercise. What's the tithe? Your alone time, your energy, your listening to the birds left behind to hear your friend talk....

Think of how many people have contributed to your abilities and skills that you use everyday. I remember my grampa telling me how to line up the wheel on the lawn mower to get the widest cut but still not miss any spots. I used it yesterday to conserve gas while I mowed. Maybe I didn't save much, but what I did was because he took the time to teach me the best way. It was 45 years ago but I use it every time I mow. He took the time to be with me and show me how.

If I make a loaf of bread I see it took a lot of people to get the wheat, sugar, yeast, eggs, milk and salt to me. It took more to provide the oven I use and the power that heats it. You can get quite a long list if you try to include every single thing that goes into you making a loaf of bread. Don't forget the cook who taught you how and the book or card you pulled the recipe out of and the people that brought it to you. Remember the guy that invented eletricity or how to contain gas fuels....it's a lot of people and could go back to the first woman that crushed grain with a rock...

What can I do to pass on love showed to me? First fruits should be sharing that remarkable loaf of bread with those you love - not just by eating it warm with strawberry jam - but by teaching another to make a loaf of bread from scratch, by rewriting the recipe for a friend, by showing someone how to grind the flour from the wheat itself. Using your knowledge to have more bread made down the road is, to me, first fruits.

You can tithe "by the book", giving a percent of your income, or you can give of your "first fruits", the love that has been gifted to you by others in your life and pass it on.

I just realized I do fairly well with first fruits, not too bad with the "tithe" and have had love in all my days. That's a pretty good return on my investment.

Others have had like thoughts. I found this one researching my definitions today. It makes the cut for first fruits, in my opinion. E-Sword is a free computer bible study program. Read the first page and see what you think.

In the mean time, if the cash for the tithe is a little short just remember you can make up the difference in love.

Grace

2008-07-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Grace. I can not explain it well. It must be experienced by each one.

Love without conditions or restrictions. Divine forgiveness. The healing of a soul's heart. The gift of joy in living again as you were made to be. To leave the hurts, shames and hates of this life time with Him. Your life's experiences no longer marring your behavior or perceptions. Changed. Clean. Fresh again. Remade.

He can take a memory in your heart and not change the way it happened but change the way you see it and change the results of that event so it works now for the good of His plan.

It is His gift to us - knowing that not only are we loved just as we are but so is each one of us. We are all loved.

A friend said, "I still remember my life and the things I did that I saw as wrong. I carry them in a different aspect now. They don't hurt me anymore."

I said He gave me a way to see things so I could better understand and forgive, not just the others in my life, but even myself.

We both meant that we were forgiven and forgave ourselves, our lives were ours again to live in joy, not shame, happiness, not despair.

The feeling fades and returns. I can't always hang on to the grace. It's there every time I reach for it and never fails to heal my heart.

As you are, you are loved.

Hiatus

2008-07-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have been "doing" more than "thinking" lately. I came to the conclusion that that is as it should be. Lofty thoughts never got the dishes done, so to speak.

I haven't stopped my relationship with the Divine so much as come to trust that Being to guide me as I go. I don't have to stop every second and write a thought down to share, I think I have to reach out to those around me and apply the beliefs I hold.

Like do unto others, it's all just stuff and stuff all just burns up, love 'em while ya got 'em, find the joy in the day, and put my energy and time where my pen is.....

That's some mangling of the language...sorry.

I got hit by a song today on the radio as I drove to work. It just made me cry. It wasn't "Last Kiss" or "Leader of the Pack" or even "He stopped loving her today". Those all touch my heart.

It was "I will survive".

However confused and painful the days are; even if the days are good in my determination; I will survive - forever.

I may royally screw up. I may fail in my estimation of not succeeding. I might even blow it all off and run off to a beach and leave it all behind me and change my name. I can still hurt myself and others here. I can still spend nights crying in lonliness. I can get mad, mean, even, snotty, crude, rude and thoughtless.

I don't chose that right now - but I could. Some days I lean toward the hard side of me more than I like even still.

But I will survive. I am loved just as I am. I am just as beautiful a creation now as I was when I stood before that Being of Love I met when I died.

What a gift - Grace.

Loved for being exactly as you are. No judgement, just acceptance of all of your self.

Thank you.

Where's the line?

2008-06-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

How far can (will, should, could, may, do) I go? How far will I reach out to another? How far is too far? Is there a limit on how far the Divine Love can support and provide for me? Is it possible to "over reach" myself? Have I gone too far?

I'm in it again up to my neck and maybe even my lips....I have been giving what I do not feel I have too share. I am giving more than I think I have to share. I am going further than social limits, further than family limits and even reaching beyond my previous limits to show loving care and help to others. I'm putting almost all I can see a way to share on the line and then stepping over it a little further...

It's scary. I could really screw myself up doing this. Can't I? Or can the Love that created all fail to raise me over the limits I impose on my ability to share?

Well, duh. I can reach further than God can. I can share more than Love can provide. I can offer more than I can give because I may not have enough for me.

Sometimes I feel pretty stupid and heartless. Why do I keep thinking (at all, LOL) that my needs, as infimetesimal as they are, can't be met? What makes me think that I have so much more loving care in my heart for others than the Divine Love holds for them?

I can give it all away or have it all taken away and it will all come to me again as I need it.

How can you reach out too far when you reach with love?

There ain't no line except the ones we draw ourselves. I'm gonna use my eraser a bunch and do what it seems was brought to me to do.

Just right

2008-06-11T06:18:00.000-07:00

If you read the post before this one then you are caught up.

Now I have to add this - Every bit of what I put in of my own contribution to beef up the tithe has been returned to me. If you figure the mileage out the gas was covered, too.

I lost a check a while ago. It was reissued yesterday. There was tithe from another person directed to me. The total was what I put out for my friend and the gas. Honest.

It's just so strange to see the needs met around me and then see my own met with no communication directed to any of those that contribute. It just happens. We feel like we need to do something or go visit someone or drop off a meal or whatever and it turns out to be just what was needed.

I think I need one thing and I recieve another. I have someone ask for something and fill the need with something else.

Being open to any possible answer is something I have been working on. I don't seek "money", I ask for the need I see or feel to be met in any loving way. It seems to make a difference.

By having a thought in my head like, "I need X to come to me in this way," I think it limits the invisible to what I see as possible or impossible. If I just say, "This one has this need and I'm asking you to fill it, thanks," I leave it open ended in my head. I have made no limit in myself to accepting the way the Love manifests itself.

It's a combination of words have power, intentions are actions and Love is always the right answer, I think.

Whatever it is, I see it is real here. It's just right.

It's all about the love. (But I can't, I'm tired.)

2008-06-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

I was too tired last night, I thought, to make the effort to deliver what I call my tithe to where I felt it needed to go. I went to the bank and then pulled up to the intersection that would start my trip to the house.

I put my turn signal on for a right. I proceeded to annoy several other drivers when my hand changed it's mind, turned the signal off and drove me straight through the intersection. It really seemed like that, even though I must have made the decision to let it. Right?

"But I always stay too long when I go there", I told me. "I'm beat already and there are chores to do and I haven't eaten and I'm too tired. Why can't it wait until tomorrow?" No, now is the time, is what I felt told.

I have followed the "feelings" too long not to know it must be the right way for me to go. I gave in to it, called the person I had intended to have coffee with and took a rain check then, more carefully, negociated the traffic to get up north.

It's really not my abundance I am sharing when I "invest in futures" for the Divine Love. It's all His. He gave me enough to share. He directed me to where I saw the need and provided the means to meet it. All I had to do was get it there in the right amount at the right time.

"I won't have enough for me..." - I started discussing it with Him in my head. I went over the bills, the chores, the house repairs, the yard work and pointed out I don't have time, money or energy to spare for them if I'm putting all I have out here in energy, time, gas and finances. No change. So I went on up.

Funny, I pulled around the corner just in time to see my friend turning toward the driveway. They smiled to see me coming. That lifted my heart. I smiled back.

There is more than a need for just a little financial boost there. There are sad hearts and hurt hearts and dreams and love hiding behind barracades of hurt there. I touched where I could and encouraged where I could and smiled where I could. It seemed to lighten things up there.

After a little basic math I thought I might have to be a little more helpful than I planned on. I took a moment to get alone and pray because the number in my pocket didn't feel like "enough". It was the number by the book, I guess it wasn't the number by the Love.

I ended up knowing I had to "show a little more love." The "why of it" was that I know the Divine Love takes care of me. What it needs, it covers. Others can't see it that way. They can only see the way I live. To show it's real to me I have to live it. So that means putting it out there - when I am tired, when I am discouraged, when I feel neglected, when I have other things to do that may seem needed, it doesn't matter. Showing the love - the Divine and my own small bit - are real is what's important. It's all that counts. If I have something still in my hand that another needs worse I will be unhappy with me. I don't like that.

I went. I added a "personal contribution" to the tithe. I did stay too long. I did enjoy the visit. I can't and couldn't heal all that I saw that hurt, but I did what I can. I did get home to late and I am still tired.

So why am I content? Before I left for the night I knew what I had done was "just right". It was the amount needed right then; Not tomorrow, but right then. It was needed in hand that night for the tomorrow to go as it should. Without it the need would have been unmet.

I hadn't wasted my time. I had applied it properly and I am glad I did it. It eased a heart, salved a pride, walked a person a little taller, and shared the love all at the same time. Wow.

It's not "just money" being thrown at a situation. It was my time, the only thing that is mine to spend as I think it should be, it was my gas, something I need for getting to work, it was my heart, in that I cared and showed it, it was my smile that said, "I believe you're going to be okay." and the comfort I offered in having a few more people know they aren't in this life alone.

I know I showed the most love I can. I know it was right and I know it will be covered somehow. I love the warm fuzzy of helping someone. I love that I had a way to do it and I love it that the Divine Love is one heart bigger today because another heart turned to it and said a sincere "Thank You."

I still need a nap - but it's all about the love.

*********
had to add this P.S. I really did do all I felt I could to help my friend. When I talked to them the next day their words really touched me. They had to get some auto parts and gas then go take care of the project I was trying to help with. "I got there and they told me what it would cost. It was exactly what I had in my pocket."

Yes, that's a quote. Yes, they said "exactly". It took every bit they had, but they had every bit they needed.

I'm glad I made the effort and I'm thrilled they are seeing the Divine Love working in their life.

I see it is working in mine....Wow.

Show and Tell

2008-05-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

1 John 3
17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

"this world's good" - your means of living here. Not just "goods" like food and money, but the ability to provide them, your talents and abilities.

It's not always about money. Maybe you crochet and some child needs a scarf and mittens, or you know how to garden and the neighbor needs fresh vegetables. Maybe you are patient and love children and some one needs a baby sitter for their child. These are ways to meet needs we often discount instead of seeing the love our care shares with others.

If you care and can meet a need for someone you are working with the Divine Love. It doesn't have to be a hugh effort or large amount. The increase is His to provide. If you have the means to meet a need but "shut it up" what have you showed others about what you believe?

Mark 12
42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites,
which make a farthing.
43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:
44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

To give all we have is so hard. We think of the needs to come and forget they can be met as they arrive. We hold on to that extra "just in case" and forget that you can't fill a full hand. To be "refilled" you have to have empty hands.

We schdule time for "ourselves" and forget that there is more joy in sharing than in doing something alone.

John 1 - 3:018 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

To truely give of yourself, your time and talents to others is showing the Love is real to you and sharing love with others. You can say you believe Loving is the way to live all day long, but at the end of the day who else will say they know you believe?; Those who heard you say it or those who saw you loved them?

Words again.

2008-05-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

Let me excuse myself, first. I'm not feeling too healthy today. I have some kind of flu laying me low. The thoughts might be a little more scattery than usual. Sorry.

I have come to believe that our words have a power of their own that we may not understand. The words we say express our feelings, thoughts and intentions or describe what we have done, our actions. They also record our reactions to life and let us share them with others.

I am learning to watch my words. Not that I may have to eat them, but that they may bring to life something that should not have been given birth. Once a word had been said it can not be called back, only expanded on to try and explain.

I had some casual, humor type words with a friend that turned to words of hurt. I was laughing at something they said then I said, "Sometimes I want to smack you!". When they asked why I popped out, "Sometimes I think you just need smacking."

These are words of my younger times. They were said by me and my sisters and parents and came our from a pre-recorded file in my head. We us them when we what we mean is - "I don't think you understand what I am saying and you should pay attention".

They come from the story of the mule and the farmer. A neighbor watched as the farmer walked up and smacked the mule in the head with a board. The mule shook his head a few times but didn't seem to be hurt. The farmer walked behind the plow and said giddy up. The mule started right off, heading for the fields. The neighbor asked why he did that and the farmer said, He is a good mule but you have to get his attention first.

That is a lot of words to explain that maybe they heard I wanted to hit them and what I meant was I don't think you understand what I said, please pay attention. It also says I think we had a communication break down.

I was spouting words carelessly, expecting them to understand what I meant and they heard something altogether different.

I can't seem to remember the power of words. Caring is using them carefully and gently.
Where do all our words go? Written or spoken, even in private and alone, one day they will be found or heard somewhere. Maybe by someone we don't even know.

I wrote and spoke of the pot shards I called water flow control devices that were judged by me, at first, as trash and a mess I needed to clean up.

Looking at the situation and the broken pot an experienced gardner might have seen their use before I did. They might have done it before. I had to figure it out myself and see it. I had no one to discuss it with that knew about potting plants.

A simple fix seemed important to me because of the way I saw it two ways even though I was by myself here.

I found another blogger who sees broken things as something other than trash. I wanted to share this photo of what she does with broken ceramics. It's another way to see what was, to someone, just a mess to clean up.
If two people look at the same thing and one says first, "That is ugly!" does the second person then see it as ugly? If so, they agree and go on their way.

If the other decides differently - they say, "I don't think so, it's just strange." Does it modifiy the first speaker's judgement? Do they see it differently now those words brought this view to them?

The first can say, "You might be right but it looks ugly to me," or "I hadn't thought of that, maybe it is just I have never seen one before."

That is the power of words between us. They can change the way we see things.

If I go cursing and angry at others and events in my life I am giving birth to negative feelings that I can not stop. They are in the world and can hurt someone even if I never said them directly to that person.

I think the words I was less than careful with have hurt my friend and I am sorry. I could have said them differently and now I wish I had. I was trying to explain how treating yourself less than precious hurts others who care about you.

When I thought they didn't understand my meaning I dropped back to words I would have used to my sis- my family - because I feel like they are family to me.

We do not have the history of those shared jokes and words between us. They only thought I meant they needed to be hit, not understanding the meaning underneath.

I only wanted them to try harder to hear what I was saying. I didn't really want to hit them. I hate hurting anyone or anything. But I used the wrong words to say it.

The sis said once she was having a fit of road rage when she thought, what if that person heard me and then we met at my church? What testimony is that for love and peace in my heart and the world?

"I remember you, I made a mistake in traffic yesterday and you cussed me out like a sailor.Glad to meet you. I don't think I want to join a church where you go. It is not the way I want to be treated." Yup, that would be a good one.

She started watching her words before I did because she was showed the power in her words, and the intentions behind them, could affect another wrongly.

If I say words, even in my home all alone, the power is not gone from them. I have given life to those thoughts and intentions in myself. I brought what I was only thinking of to be real in this world now.

I don't want to be ranting and raving in anger and hurt at something because I am reinforcing those feelings in me. I am trying to learn to take those thoughts only to Him because He can turn them for me to a loving way to see the situation and the bad feelings go right out of me.

I have to see them first and know I have them before I can give them to Him. I don't have to say or act on them. I don't have to give them life here of their own to hurt others with or myself be hurt by them.

So I try to consider my words. I can comfort myself with the thought that I am what He has made of me but I remember that I picked part of what I am myself when I chose what I wanted to do in life. I am what I made me, too.

What part of me is just speaking words as they come out and what part of me prays to HIm first?
What I have learned in the world comes flying out of me because I know the ways of the world and those in it that have interacted with me.

What I am learning of Him and how life should be here for everyone is the part that reaches to Him in every little thing. That would be the new me; the one that flinches when people curse now. Not because I am offended but because I know that another negative word has been born in them and in the world.

It seems that there are times when even I think a curse would be a relief. It's hard, when you hit your thumb with a hammer, to see any way to say, "Bless it!" and really mean it. We mean, "Damn it!" Damn the hammer and the nail and my clumbsy way of using them and Damn it that it was broken and I had to try and fix it and Damn it all to Hell! We hurt.

But when something like that happens to you and you watch inside yourself you will see that if you try to say "Bless it!", even when you want to say the other, that your mind takes a different path. Your intention is modified by using a different word.

Even said in a negative way your mind turns it to a positive meaning. For me it came something like this in my head. "Bless my thumb, it's going to need healing. Bless the hammer so it goes where I aim. Bless the nail so it will drive straight. Bless the mending of this broken thing for my family and help me get it done so I can do something more fun with my time."

It's just a little twist in your thoughts and I don't know how it may seem to you. But if you would try it for a few days, using any thing with a positive meaning to you in place of my "Bless it", I think you might see what I mean.

I do not like to curse if I can stop in time and I do not like to put words to my thoughts of others with anyone but the one I would speak of now. I still do speak what I am calling, "out of place" but I am seeing it when I do it and now I am trying to stop. I don't like it in myself.

I don't like sending out anything that is not what I really mean and if it is something I really mean the place to give it is to the one I am thinking of, not another here with me. I want the communication clear between us without the muddle of someone trying to repeat something I said and getting it wrong by the way they thought I meant it.

The thoughts and intentions inside us are shared by the words and the actions between us. I am trying to learn to make my words and actions be shaped by kind and loving thoughts because that is what I want to put into the world, loving kindness.

It isn't always going to happen. I speak to warn of danger from others that I have seen hurt people or I speak to share my care for others to those I feel love them, too and may be able to help them. I am going to try to take all of that to the one that can really do it.

I think it will make it hard to have a conversation for awhile. I find my mouth stopping sometimes because I don't want to let out what I thought. I get weird pauses and fumble for the right words. Still, as hard as it is I want to try it. I think words have too much power to just use them to make noise.

It's like having a flame thrower in the pine trees to light a cooking fire with when you send out negative or hurtful words, they take off and burn down the whole forest and all you meant to do was get the feelings out of your system.

If I need to take a dump I go to the bathroom. If I need to get things that are negative in my opinion and judgement out of me I am seeing to take them to Him first. He can change them for me to see them in the light of His love and nobody gets hurt by them.

One thought of what this might do is leave me talking to someone about them and their life instead of talking with them about others we know. I can't see anything wrong with that.

If I pray before I speak anything that resembles judgement of what they tell me and only say encouraging and hopeful words we might have quite a conversation and I will grow to understand them better. Isn't that what spending time with someone we love is supposed to be?

I'm working on it. It's not easy.

Failed trust

2008-05-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

I have found them out there, the ones that can not accept a gift with no strings attached as real. Those are the ones that hurt my heart. There is a need in them I can't fill. I see a need for them to be able to trust the ones around them. I can't fill it. The world has beaten it out of them. I hurt it out of some of them, myself. It shames me to say that, but it's a truth.

I watched a coyote once that was freezing and starving try to trust humans again. With no mean thought in me, I had put out food for him. I put it in a steel bowl. That's what I feed my dogs in. They eat inside where it's not freezing cold.

He was just starting to eat when I went to the window to check on him. He startled and his tongue stuck on the bowl, over turning it and hurting him, just before he ran off. Trusting failed.

I didn't mean that to happen. I tried to help and hurt him instead, reinforcing his fear of humans. The only way he could see it was as a mean trick. I didn't think it through and so I hurt him. It was an accident. While that made me sorry and sad, I knew I didn't mean to hurt him. I doesn't change the way he experienced it. And there it stands, I screwed up.

The truth is that, as humans, we just can't think of everything. Even in kindness we can hurt each other. A flaw in our actions only shows after they happen. Even the small neglects we hurt each other with can ruin a heart or a life, unseen by us at the time.

Some will have lost their trust by accidents and ignorance. Some have had their true loving trust betrayed by those that should have cared for them. Then there are those that seem to thrive on hurting others. How ever they have lost it, it's gone and I only know one who can bring it back.

When those that can't trust hurt me I remember those I have hurt. Forgiving them is easier then. When it's harder I can take it to prayer. I pray that someone can restore their ability to trust again. Losing trust of others confines us to only ourselves. To stand alone is to punish yourself for others treatment of you. You are the only one who suffers when you are cut off from everyone. I don't understand the math, but I see it's true.

After being hurt that one too many times you stop reaching out and, worse yet, you let no one reach toward you. There you stand in pain, anger, and hurt with no hope of relief. You may not be the one who did the harm. You suffered the harm done to you.

Why do we punish ourselves for the actions of others. And why do we punish those we don't even know for the actions of others in our pasts? We almost literally push them away from us. I think it's the fear. Fear holds us frozen in our pain; we can't move, we can't heal, and no one can help because we can trust no one.

Then something happened and I see another one on the way to isolation. She is only four years old and it may be too late to overcome her fears. She has been hurt by one she trusted in a way that made all people suspect. How do you help one so small understand what even adults can't?

I understand how some of us end up hiding away. It's just too dangerous to our hearts to have any contact with another person. Just once more, we think, to be betrayed, will damage us beyond repair. So many times the damage is done without realizing it or carelessly that the others involved may never even understand they hurt you. So you avoid them all.

It's when I think of the words to my family, or friends or, worse yet, to my children, that I hurt. I see the promises unkept, the visits missed, the "just a minutes" and "when I get through with this" that I scattered in their lives. I didn't mean it to destroy their trust in those that love them. I thank God for His healing of those small hearts as I see them loving and trusting again.

I know he's going to tell me that to offer love is never wrong. They won't accept love from Him, how can they accept it from me? Then I give him the sadness that causes in my heart and He takes it from me. Nothing is beyond the Divine Love's ability to repair. He built it. But they have to accept. And the best cure is to be more careful and loving of each other.

I can't see a way to fix all that is so obviously wrong in this world. I can only deal with each small thing I see the best I can. I am thankful that the Divine Love has it covered. I only wish it would cram the recovery into high gear. I cried for that small, hurt child. I can't change her life or heal her wounded heart.

When we don't tell someone they have even only annoyed us once, we are locked into not telling them again if they repeat the action. It niggles at us and nips but we think we are being kind or polite to not say anything.

By not telling me when I have done something that has annoyed or hurt you I am denied the learning of how to do better or avoid it another time. I don't even know there is a problem until it's too big, in you, to repair. Something altogether different may finally rub against that first sore spot and next think you know we are both upset but only one of us knows why.

That is not truth. It is not honest at all. If you deal with those things when they are small they can be eliminated, negotiated or compromised on so everyone is comfortable. When you don't they become magnified by repetition and blow up all over every one.

Get angry, get upset, but say something so I know that there is something I can do differently to do better next time. If you don't and there is no next time we have both lost a chance to love.

Keep the truth in your love. It's not easy. Grace is all that can make it work here at all. But Truth IS Love. Hold to it. Reach for it. Share it.

Reach out to a hurt heart today, show them one here cares. Even if they can't reach back they will see one who still tries to help, not hurt. If you can leave hope in a heart, it can see a small light of possiblities. Give someone hope.

Children

2008-04-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

Matthew 18:
3 And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].

36 And He took a little child and put him in the center of their group; and taking him in [His] arms, He said to them,
37 Whoever in My name and for My sake accepts and receives and welcomes one such child also accepts and receives and welcomes Me; and whoever so receives Me receives not only Me but Him Who sent Me......
42 And whoever causes one of these little ones to stumble and sin, it would be better (more profitable and wholesome) for him if a [huge] millstone were hung about his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.

Search yourself and remember being a child that did not yet know how to interact in the world. See yourself smiling and reaching out to all you met. Remember the shock at hurts done to you.

Remember the first time your cry for help went unheard. Think about getting up and going on when no help came.

I am not exempt from causing heart hurts to even my own children. I have always been very aware of the damage I did. When I was not able to be there for them another adult cared for them in my stead. I'm so grateful for that care. It's not the same as having your parent there, it's still better than dealing with life alone.

If not for grace I would have never escaped the due punishment for those acts. If not for grace my children would not have survived the harm done to their ability to love and trust.

We have made it through. I was being so hard on myself for so many years over it that it scarred my own heart twice; once in the doing and again in the regret and shame I carried.

But I remembered I was a child, too, who's needs were not always met by those that might have. Not that they would NOT meet them but that I was where they COULD NOT meet them. It was my final step from childhood and my first step to being an adult.

I was hurt. No one came to help. I had to make it to where I could be helped. I made it. But I had to get there alone.

How my heart burns for the children hurting today. I owe so much for the grace I was given that I reach out to each child I see in pain or confusion. I can't heal their hurts, all I can do is try to let them know that someone cares they were hurt and send them on to where they can be helped.

I pray them into His arms. I pray the ones that could not or are not there for the child into His arms. And I offer my hand until they can grow past the time of being too young to understand.

I don't understand so many things in this world but harming or failing to love and care for those small ones is still the part I don't know how I could fail at or how anyone could and live with themselves.

But we do. Amen for Grace and may healing, love, and comfort come to each sad child today - even you.

We may feel that we are old, worn out, usless; we are only children. We are each only a loving child making it's way as best it can.

Be kind to each other today. Pray for the children in this sad world. Reach out to one yourself and find the love in you growing again.

Hear Him

2008-04-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

John 14
13 And I will do [I Myself will grant] whatever you ask in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], so that the Father may be glorified and extolled in (through) the Son.

14 [Yes] I will grant [I Myself will do for you] whatever you shall ask in My Name [as presenting all that I AM].

Why did Jesus repeat himself here?

Sometimes we are just dense. He knows us well. Even saying it twice in the same conversation somehow we don't hear what He is saying.

Just ask. Remember he heard you the first time. We may be slow or dense but He is johnny on the spot. And he doesn't say "Maybe" or "you can't ask for that" - He says whatever, anything we ask He will do that we may see God's power and glory is real, loving, unlimited.

Know He said "I will" and thank Him as you ask, because you may as well consider it done.

He said he would - twice.

Out of the blues

2008-04-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

A chance meeting one day led to another the next. A song sent out ot the blue, played for the first time out of the blue, to one met out of the blue, led to a new friend. Thank you.

I won't forget that, with You, good can come out of the blues.

Please continue to show me how you even use the blues to make it a better world. The struggle to reach the light in each of us breaks the trail a little for the next one. When we learn what we reached for so hard in our hurt, we are a little quicker to give it to one we see that needs a hand. It softens our sad, sore hearts; teaches us to care better, I think.

Thank you for all the things You've brought to me, seemingly out of the blue. Thank you for leading me out of the blues again. Thank you Lord for the friends in my life. Thank you for their gentle ways. May the friendships we build between us bring You glory some way.

To U, my thanks

2008-04-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you that my heart hurt me. It showed me I can feel. Thank you that I cried. It showed me that I can love and grieve the loss. Thank you that I was sad. I knew I could be happy again if I can be sad. Thank you that I can care still, though it seems one did not show a care for me. I care. That is the important part. Not that anyone else cares. I can not change that, but that I care past the confusion and the hurt. I still care and love.

Thank you that there are those that care. Let me always find them here. Let me always see past what my eyes see to let the eyes of my heart find their light. Thank you for those that can see the light in me and let me shine as I am for you. They are rare and precious to me. Thank you that I see the many diverse ways we all shine and love.

Thank you for the joy that came to drive away the tears. That I can feel joy in my spirit again after the struggle of my year. Thank you for the comfort of knowing that I have been blessed to be a blessing, not a burden or a trial to those I have loved.

I loved that phrase. I read it today somewhere. Blessed to be a blessing. I have been a bane, a goad, a trial, a burden, an irritant, a motivator, a judge, a sad, bad and miserable story in some of the lives I've touched. But there are those that I am a good story in their lives. I have been blessed with being a blessing to many this year. I like it.

So many of them do not see the blessing they have been to me. My companions, confidants, encouragers and cheerleaders - all of them have lifted me up and kept me going. I do not like to think about the story I would have without them in my life.

Thank you for the ones who care and that I see I am one of them still. I care again. It means I hurt again. So thank you for the hurt I feel.

I feel. I hurt. I love. Thank you.

Just a hand along the way

2008-04-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

16 At this, Daniel went to the king and asked for time, so that he might interpret the dream for him.
17 Then Daniel returned to his house and explained the matter to his friends Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah.
18 He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon.
****
Job 6:14 "A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
****
Luke 6 So Jesus went with them. He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof.
*****
Acts 27:3 The next day we landed at Sidon; and Julius, in kindness to Paul, allowed him to go to his friends so they might provide for his needs.
*****
Daniel was afraid for his life and the life of others. He asked his friends for prayer. Job felt friends should stick even through the hard times, the centurion felt unworthy and asked his friends to make a journey and speak for him, Paul's friends gave him what he needed. Simon carried the cross for Jesus.

There is more but that is enough for now to say you don't have to do it yourself. There is more than one human on the planet for a reason. We are supposed to be together. Joined in ways I can't explain, I know we are all interconnected. What grieves one, hurts one or helps one, does the same for us all.

We are alone inside ourselves when we can't share the truth of our thoughts, fears and feelings. It's the most lonely I have ever been, with no one to know and love all of me. To grant the freedom to another to be all that they are, good and bad, is the gift only a true friend can give.

If you have friends and are a friend life is good. Afraid, down on your luck, ashamed, without a way to get what you need yourself - that's life for all of us on one day or another.

Taking care of our friends as they care for us is helping one another live on and love.

On either side, the needy or the giving, you are what you need to be for Love to show on this earth. As the needy you receive the gift of the love that comes to you. As the giving you give the gift of showing love is real. Both are needed.

You can't show the love if there is no one that needs the love to be shown. We all need to see the love is real. Even a casual passer by may see the love in some one pulled over and changing a tire on the road. That person may be reminded to help when they next see a hand is needed and you never saw them drive by because you were busy with what you were doing.

God bless all my friends today. I love my family deeply, but they had to keep me, I was theirs. My friends have chosen me. I am so blessed.

No good choice

2008-04-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes none of your choices is good.

A new friend gave me that sentence to think about and it has been showing me the truth of itself for several days. We were talking about the few regrets we had in our lives and how it seemed some of them couldn't be avoided, then they said that. It rang in my heart as truth.

The obvious came to me easily. A burning building, a child in your arms on the third floor, flames up the stair case, a window nearby; neither choice is good, both have elements of harm when you are trying to provide safety. You don't get long to debate it with yourself. Can you carry the child down three flights, hold your breath and make it before the stairs collapse or can you pass the child out the window and drop it or do you jump holding the child. Decide. Now.

You can only work with what you have at hand. Sometimes you really do have nothing to work with and you have to make the call anyway.

If all the choices are bad, you still have to pick one and go with it. Then you deal with what results come from it.

You jump, holding the child to cushion the fall because there is no one to catch if you toss it. Broken ankles, arms, legs, feet, back, concussion, death; it's all there to discover in the next few seconds. Maybe you get lucky and the ground is soft, you just knock the wind out of both of you. You can't know until you jump.

But there is no good way to go. That is how it will seem to you. Hold still and wait isn't an option in that kind of situation. You have to make a decision.

Life brings us to places where we may have no good choice to make sometimes. It's down and dirty, low and hard. It is what it is.

Feed the kids, get gas for work, buy a beer, pay the rent all with the same dollar you don't have. You choose. You work with what that choice brings you.

Pay half the rent, get the kids a pound of burger, skip the beer, siphon gas from a neighbor or borrow to get some. It can be done. But none of them are really good choices to have to make. They are made in a million homes everyday.

If you are standing in a place with no good choices, there are no words I can give you to ease your decision. I have looked at it in my life, done the best I could figure out and lived to move on.

But I am feeling a little more forgiving of myself when I look at what I decided and what was available to choose from. There was no good way to go, but I kept going. Everyone made it. Not easily, not always happy about it, but we made it and we still love.

I didn't do so bad after all. I'm still living and loving. I'm going on.

Thank you friend, for the thought that in a place with no good choices the ones I made worked good enough.

And this thought comes from yours. When you have no good choices you are blessed if you have friends who will help you through them and love you whatever you choose.

By helping one another even the darkest day can hold love in it's gloom. Keep reaching out and caring and sharing and the choices will get better for those you have helped. Together we can do it, alone we can all stumble to a stop.

Holding a hand and moving on with a friend is what love is all about. The divine unity is when the last takes the hand of the first and the circle contains all of us.

Again, with the judgement calls

2008-04-14T13:14:00.000-07:00

It was a strange weekend with MUCH music and fun. It also included much prayer and a blessing on me by a man I had just met who asked if he could pray with me. It was ending with a drive home about 4:30 in the almost morning. The stars were beautiful.

I was coming into the first of the last two curves before home when I just said to my self, "It's, for crying out loud, 4 in the morning and I am going to be BAD! I'm taking this (poorly banked and almost dangerous) curve on the wrong side of the road - fast and low!"

I'm such an outlaw! Sometimes, when I have been so good it hurts, and there are times that is just the truth, it hurts to be good. I feel like I have to do something bad to feel human again. I thought this was one of those times.

I dropped down to the left, where the banking is good and edged the pedal down to speed up. Yup I was fast AND bad!

At least, I thought I was being bad....

Then, to my right, in the proper lane - where I should have been - I saw the big (emphasis on big!) carcass of the poor deer that didn't make it across the road. I would have hit it with just my left tires doing 45 (the posted speed) just past dead center of the curve.

I don't even want to do the math on it. I think it ends up with trees and ditches and upside down, like in the movies when they launch just two tires on the same side of a car.....So I thought I was yearning to be bad, but maybe I had just heard an angel whisper to me.

It was wrong to be in that lane by our rules. Breaking them kept me here again.

I give up. Coincidence is going OUT of my vocabulary. When even being bad is good who's to say what's bad or good? I can't anymore.

If you figure it out, let me know.... But I made it home safe with a smile on my face and watched for a car pulled over that overheated. I saw it and said a prayer for them, they were already rescued.

Life just gets too strange sometimes even for me. But I am grateful for the prayers that day and the smile I have when I think on this.

Do what is right for you, don't harm another, love where you can, pray where you can't love.

You can't call the shot good or bad until you see what you hit and you may never even know you were shooting. Sometimes just a smile at the right time can lift another heart up and save it and you were just hearing a good tune on the radio.

Dear Lord, aim it for me. I've got both eyes shut waiting for the boom!

H2O

2008-04-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

I watched the rain on my snow banks today. The contrast amused me. The snow was becoming smaller. It was becoming invisible as it transformed. I could see it changing.

I realized that rain and snow are both water. It's like the snow was learning from the rain what it truely is. Snow and ice are just water too cold to run or move. The snow that feels the falling rain is warmed by it. Then the snow begins to change and move.

Once it feels the warmth touch it, then the snow can change to water, too. It's free to seep into the ground. Running past it's frozen friends, it seeks the ground below.

Does one little snow flake show the next one, " Like this, see? Then you can run, too!" Or is it the raindrops that teach each flake to melt?

First the ones on the top roll down, and, as they move, the ones beneath them are freed. I see the free water from above teaching the snow it doesn't have to be frozen anymore.

Water for the earth or snow for the earth or rain for the earth; All the same, all are needed for the earth.

We are mostly water, they say. Are we, like snow, just another form, too hard and solid to seep into the ground? What shows us how to change and flow? What warms us so we can see the path to take to move?

Is love the rain for the hardness that is us? By seeing love flow by do we find the way to lose the hardness in ourselves and live? Can we show others how to love and change or do they each need to recieve it from above?

Rain drummed on the roof, drowning out other comforting sounds.The sound of rain on tin echoed in my ears. The tempo picked up, the force increased. It was all I could hear. But underneath, almost silenced, the wind spoke. The power of its voice changed the path of the rain. Easing it to where it's needed even as it falls freely.

Snow must flow from where it lays, rain can move where the wind carries it. Can the wind of love direct where we land or do we love from where we are?

The last of the banks that still decorate my yard are the snow that was compressed by the weight of all the snow of winter. It's more dense and compressed from the weight of the snow that was above it. It takes more warmth and more rain to thaw those hardened banks. Those preserved remains of the first snow to stay are the last to be freed to flow.

Some of those we see as harder to love may be the ones that carried the most weight in their lives. It's presses on them and makes them more dense and resistant to love. It takes more love to warm them and more love to show them how to flow freeling again. It's not that they are bad or stupid, it's that life itself made them doubt love could be theirs.

If we are the love and warmth to each other that frees the ones that are cold and hard we have to remember to spread it thick where those are hurt and hardened from the loads they carry here.

The rain became too loud. I coudn't hear myself think. I felt confused. With thoughts like this who wouldn't be confused?

Rain dripped from the trees, aimed right down my neck, as I left for work. I added my tears, unseen in the rain, to the flow of water toward the earth. I change yet again. There is a thaw coming inside me where a hardness has been wedged.

Thank you for the good day

2008-04-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

I was thinking that the warm, sunny days are supposed to be good. But they are what thaws the earth. When the rain comes, like today, that thaw is bad. Our perspective changes.

It was good to walk in the warm and sun of that day but now it's results might be seen as bad if you have to get through the mud or have seed to plant.

Rainy days are supposed to be bad; Gray and gloomy inside days of chilly damp lower our mood. But we have time as a family that we don't have in good weather when we all scatter to our fun and chores.

Rain gives us water to drink, baths and showers. The crops will need it soon, to sprout strong roots. That makes a rainy day good.

When the earth is too wet to plant in and mud is too deep to walk through that's bad.

When we swim and drink and eat the grains and food that grew that rainy day is good.

It was bad when it rained but it's good later. It was good it the warm sunshine but thawed the earth. Neither day was good or bad, both are needed for different things.

The day itself, whatever it brings at the time, is only good in the long run. It's that we can only see a little way that makes us think them good or bad as they come. When you see the years of them behind us, the crops, the trees, the lakes and rivers you can see even snow and ice have been nessesary to life here.

It's a good day. Thank you. It took me awhile to see how to say this and mean it.

Today I might have no one to talk to. That might seem bad at the time. Tomorrow I might be too busy to write. That would be what I did when I had no one to talk to. The day I am in and what it brings it good, if I can remember to see it that way. I can stop whining that it's not the day I would have planned for me and just appreciate what I have in each one.

Not good, not bad, but all needed for my life to be grown and nourished. I can debate it with Him but I have to say I am learning to trust Him to grow me better everyday. I just had to learn to see it. It took a lot of days behind me to understand they all brought me to this one as I am now.

It's a good day. I am good with today. I know it seems an obvious thought all the way through but some of us don't see what may be obvious to others. I thought I put it out here. It will help me to remember to thank Him for the day and my part in it, whatever it may be, and mean it.

Old and New

2008-03-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

From the Old Testament

Psalms 22 - Attributed to King David as prophecy
16 - For dogs have compassed (surrounded) me: the assembly of the wicked have enclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.
17 - I may tell all my bones: (the bones of one hanging from the cross became prominent, and easily seen.) they look and stare upon me.
18 - They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture. (clothes)

Isaiah 35:
4 - Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you.
5 - Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.
6 - Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing:...

From the New Testament

Matthew 11:
5 - The blind receive their sight, and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them.

Matthew 27:
26 - Then released he (Pilate) Barabbas unto them: and when he had scourged (whipped bloody) Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified.
30 - And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.
31 - And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.
32 - And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross.
35 - And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.

The whole point of the Old Testament may be that God says, What other God tells you what will happen and it happens? Show me one that can that? Any other God tell you what will come and it comes? It is to show His word is truth.

He speaks through his prophets to say this will happen to Tyre, this will happen to Israel, and these things came to be reality.History itself has shown it to us. The things in this book are not just stories, they have happened.

He told of the Christ before he was born. I offered just a couple examples. There are many more.

As I go through another Easter I found hope, in Matthew 32.

"And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his (Jesus) cross."

Even Jesus, when he was here as a human male, could not complete his road alone. He was beaten raw and bloody, weakened by loss of blood and lack of water. He could not carry his burden alone. The guards found someone to help him.

The man was a Cyrene. It's a country in Africa on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, southward of the most western point of the Island of Crete. It's only mentioned 4 times in the New Testament. He was black, he was a stranger and he was named Simon, which means one that hears; one that obeys.

There was a large crowd there that day. If he was pulled from the crowd at random, a stranger in the country, how did Matthew learn his name? He must have spoken to him later. I like to think it was because he cared that someone helped his friend.

It would have been obvious to every one that Jesus was too hurt to carry the cross. That Simon, even if he was compelled, helped Jesus complete his task is a comfort to me today.

Jesus was close, but could not go on. Simon carried on with the task. He heard, he obeyed. It sounds simple, but it was a hard job to lug that wood up the hill. It probably took both of them.

The hope I find in this? We don't have to work alone. When we have a task we believe must be completed another that cares may help us.

If Jesus couldn't do it alone, why would I think I have to? What shame in looking about for help? What shame in asking for it?

None. No shame in being too weak or hurt or confused - whatever the problem is - no shame in needing someone to lend a hand. The only shame is in not completing the task.

When God needs you to do a thing He will send the help you need. Sometimes you don't even have to ask for it. The ones who see the need fill it, in caring love for Him.

God gave him back to us for a short time that we might see death is defeated. He lives. We live.

How can we thank Him for that? He defied even death for us in His love.

We can only share the story to bring others to the safe harbor of knowing that we live.

When I pray my thanks to Him on Easter Sunday it will be for showing me I don't have to be strong enough alone. It's okay to need a hand sometimes. I can look to Him and say I need help here, no shame in not being able to go it alone.

Praying and working together to bring His Kingdom to life on earth unifies all of us that believe. This Sunday I hope you will all remember how many are in buildings of belief celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. All over the world the faith still grows. On this day many are united, celebrating the power of His Divine Love that joins us all together.

Mt 13:52 Then said he unto them, Therefore every scribe [which is] instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man [that is] an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure [things] new and old.

Needs and gifts

2008-03-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

I have a need to give. It was a thought I had when I was trying to understand some of my ways of interaction with others. It struck me as rather oxymoronic. I thought about it.

I know I didn't mean what I said. It sounded like I want to give someone a need. I tried to see it a different way. To say just what I meant. I have a desire to fill others needs. That is closer. I tried harder.

A "Need" is a thing that lurks in your life and makes it hard to find the joy. When I have a "Need" I try to fill it before it gets out of hand. So do we all.

Some "Needs" are big, like warmth and food, water or shelter. Some are smaller, like shoes and coats or gloves and mittens in winter.

Some needs are invisible, to be loved, to have friends, to know someone cares about you; Those are the ones I keep seeing all around me. They are invisible needs. They are hard to see, harder to fill, only filled by loving care between us. Those are the needs that draw me.

Some one said once that the needs we see in others are our own needs reflected back to us. My thought was that we can only recognize a need when we have experienced it ourselves. You can't see an invisible need, you can only see the need for what it is when you have known it yourself.

I want to fill the "Needs" I see in others. It's part of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I would like someone to fill my needs when I can't do it alone. I offer that to those I meet here, freely and with love.

If love is the only thing that will fill those needs then what I should say is, "I love to give". I want to show love by my actions, not just my words. It's what I seem to have a need to do; Show love to others who have a need for love in their life.

If they learn to see the needs that were met in them they will know them when they see them in others and, I hope, pass the love on by filling them. Then the love grows and spreads. That loving care for each other takes "Do unto others..", and changes it into "love others as yourself".

Then it changes "I have a need to give" into, "I have love to share". That love I share was given to me to meet the needs I see in others, not to keep all to myself.

Like His love, the Divine Love, it's free, no charge, no debt. It's not because someone earned it or deserve it, it's because I love to give it, as He loved giving it to me. He sends enough for me and extra love for all the ones I meet.

Those that let me meet their needs are doing me the favor of letting me have the joy in sharing. I have the joy of caring, the joy of sharing and the joy of knowing I may have helped a friend.

From a simple gift, a card, a call or the dollar I slip a pan-handler, to the time I spend giving someone a hand, it's my loving care I am giving. That's what He gives me to share.

I don't have a need to give. I have love to share and to spare.

What comes out of your mouth

2008-03-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

is what is in your heart. What you send into the world is what is in your heart.

You can't give joy when you are sad. You can't give kindness when you feel hurt. You can't love when you are full of hate.

You can't hide the truth of your heart from anyone who knows you. The clerk you smile at and joke with may think you are a courteous and funny guy. Spend ten minutes with anyone, though, and you will see what they are inside.

If they hurt, they leak tears. If they are peaceful, they spread smiles. If they love and are loved they will share it with you. If they are filled with hate and pain, they share that with you, too. It's easy to spread hate, or hurt, it's as catching as the flu.

Thank God, so is love. It's what I want to spread.

Today I failed in that. I got angry at a hurt I saw going through my friends. It spread across my path. I reacted before I thought enough or took it in prayer to understand. I was mad about it.

So I passed on a snit of hurt. It's lose in the world because I just didn't delete the first one. I saw the meanness in that thing and passed it back, with a bonus of mean added to it. Now I am sorry but it's too late, again, for me to fix it. I did it.

I just don't seem to learn. I can't change the world, I can only change me and walk what I believe. I chose not to pass on bad thought or feelings or hurt to others. I chose that, to walk gently. Every day I try to chose what is in my heart and give the rest to the Divine Love to deal with.

But today I reverted. I let my personal emotions get in the way of what I know is right or wrong. I did wrong, in my eyes, by spreading nasty thoughts on. Now I am done with it, but the wrong I did will take on a life of it's own. That is how it got to me. Someone thought it funny, I saw it as mean and unloving. I should have just deleted it and let it go.

But I got angry and snapped a nasty back. I can only hope Grace covers cranky, lonely women who believe true love is real when they act like snotty kids. I guess I will find out.

This was part of my morning reading -From John 8 - Amplified Bible

34 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Whoever commits and practices sin is the slave of sin.

(You snatch a candy bar. Now you have to hide it. Now you have to try and remember what you looked like 30 seconds ago, innocent, and try to look like that again. Your whole being is taken up in not getting caught. Not a bit of you left to think of anything but that thing you snatched and getting away.

You are already making up excuses in your head in case you get caught. Lies to get you off. No room for the truth in your heart when you are totally involved in being dishonest and lying.

You can't share it with anyone who might guess you stole it - unless they are a thief, too.

When you eat it the smell will give you away for a while. You can't risk getting too close to Mom or the siblings....how to do that? You are a slave to this action once you take it.

That's what I did today. I can't take it back, I have to accept any consequences that come.)

35 Now a slave does not remain in a household permanently (forever); the son [of the house] does remain forever.

(Slaves are property. That wrongness owns you. You can be sold by one who knows you did wrong. Like your sister saw you snatch that treat and now you do her chores so she doesn' t tell on you to the folks.

The son of the house can't be sold. He is there by right of birth.)

36 So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free.

(Being born to being aware of your spirit freed by His, you are a son or daughter of the house. There are responsibilities that go with that, I just messed mine up. )

... 38 I tell the things which I have seen and learned at My Father's side, and your actions also reflect what you have heard and learned from your father.

My Dad thought an eye for an eye was right. I think it's mean and hurtful. But Dad would have been pleased with me today for trying to get my point across. All I think I did was take too seriously what others see as only a joke. I passed on another thought contrary to what I think is right to press the point. So give me one "head pat" from Dad.

I only pray for grace to cover it. I know what I meant to do was wrong, even if it is not seen as such. I tried to let it be known that one I know has a loving heart was passing "not love" around and it hurt me to see that. Then I sent the other "not love" so they could compare the two items.

My only hope is it was all so vague that they miss the hurt I felt and sent. But I don't think so.

I'll be asking forgivness from them again. They have a right to their own opinion. I don't have to share mine with them.

But what came out of me was hurt because that was what was in me. He showed me it was me, again, being too judgemental. That is His to do.

(I have a new computer at work, I didn't know where the delete key was...... Think He will believe that?.....me neither.)

I'm sorry. I screwed up. I know it was wrong now and I will try to do better. It's all I can offer. It seems pretty pitiful.

I'm sorry is hard to say. It's never big enough to fix the hurt you gave. It only says you care and will try not to do it again. Still, we are just humans. Especially me.

Maybe someone will forgive me.

Pick one

2008-03-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think too much and this verse got my attention. I have several people I am trying to help that I am unsure what to do for them.

I started with King James and Strong's concordence. These are all different translations. Then, even in the commentary I use, there were two versions.

My heart says even one that has left God behind should be helped, that I don't leave God behind myself.

I try to help others when they are brought to me for I believe that is what He wants us to do. How the one I help believes is not mine to judge or change. That is up to Him. How I live my life is mine. I sleep better knowing I have tried to help where I can. Even if it seems what I did didn't help or comfort, still, I have to try.

Maybe you will see it differently.....

Job 6:14 (KJV) To him that is afflicted pity [should be shewed] from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 ¶ "For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; So that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 "A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 "He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. (RSV)

Job 6:14 ¶ He whose heart is shut against his friend has given up the fear of the Ruler of all. (BBE)

Job 6:14 ¶(darby) For him that is fainting kindness [is meet] from his friend; or he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 (web) "To him who is ready to faint, kindness should be shown from his friend; even to him who forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

(Adam Clark) The Vulgate gives a better sense, "He who takes away mercy from his friend, hath cast off the fear of the Lord." To him who despiseth his friend, it is a reproach; and he will forsake the fear of the Almighty:

as Mr. Good translates, "Shame to the man who despiseth his friend! He indeed hath departed from the fear of the Almighty."

the passage may be read: To him who despiseth his friend, it is a reproach; and he will forsake the fear of the Almighty:

or, as Mr. Good translates, "Shame to the man who despiseth his friend! He indeed hath departed from the fear of the Almighty."

However you read it, it is right to help others. Still, I haven't picked one yet. I'm still thinking on it.

Men of God

2008-02-22T05:21:00.000-08:00

Mark 15
40 Some women were watching from a distance. Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the younger and of Joses, and Salome. 41 In Galilee these women had followed him and cared for his needs. Many other women who had come up with him to Jerusalem were also there.

Exodus 25-
32 All who were willing, men and women alike, came and brought gold jewelry of all kinds:
brooches, earrings, rings and ornaments.
They all presented their gold as a wave offering to the LORD.

1 Samual 18-
6 When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine,
the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul
with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes.

Luke 23:
55 The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it.
*******
We watch, we follow, we give, we care for their needs. We love them for the men they are. Even when their paths bring them to places that tear our hearts, we will not leave them, they are ours.

When they succeed, we celebrate with them. When it seems they fail, we comfort them. We encourage them to try again or move on to the next deed. When they die we bury them in honor and love. We grieve and then move on, to live and love.

We are women of God, his daughters. Our strength is in His love. Our love is toward our our God in our hearts and spirits and then toward His men, our men.

Our men are the ones that follow Him. Our men are the ones that love and care for those smaller and weaker. They break trail for the younger ones and teach them to live in His love. They show a man, a strong man, believes He lives. They show the way to follow Him to the ones that come after them.

Our men are the ones that challenge the adversary where ever they find him. They don't just say, "That's not right", they do something about it. They are the Somebody's that do something, not the Nobody's that don't care.

You don't have to say, "Isn't anybody going to do something?" with strong men of God around. They are already doing it. They use strong words, strong hands, strong faith and touch the hearts around them.

Women that love God are the ones that learn to see God's men working. What we can do for them, we will, as we would do for Him. It's what He said to do -" unto the least of these, care for strangers, angels, unaware"...

The rib they say we came from protects the breath and the heart. We yearn to guard the hearts we used to lay over and keep the spirit, the breath of life, safe in the men of God, His sons.

It is not a burden. It is the way we love.

I will not bow to social rules. I am not a quiet, easily biddable woman. I can feed myself and others, I can ride and shoot to hunt. I can fish and yet I can still make a shirt or pants to warm or a scarf or a thing of beauty to enjoy. I love hard and deep, I sing, I ride, I have learned to love living again. I think, I like to communicate, to talk, to share.

I want men to walk beside that are strong and caring. Men whose hearts hear God. I don't want a man to lead around, I want a man to guide my path, a man of God to follow.

Men with caring hearts, courage to speak, ability to act, to laugh and cry and love with God - no, loving them is not a burden, it is a blessing.

Sometimes it seems like I have to wait for Him to grow them. Sometimes I see them coming soon. I also see some are here for Him already, with their women, and those I try to cheer on!

Men like that are the hope of the lost and the children. Without a man to stand up for them they may be lost to the lives they have - with no hope of better, more loving lives ever. To raise a strong man of God you have to have one to show them.

"Seek first the kingdom" - if you don't see it, do you do without it or do you begin to create it with (in) Him?(that was yesterday's question)

His kingdom come on earth can only come in hearts that love and care and are strong enough to say - "The Kingdom of God starts here, with me. I do His will, not mine. Where I stand, He IS."

So now I pray "In Jesus' name, God, I ask Your Will be done" and remember God is Love. May only Love be done in each life where I touch it for Him.

There is not enough love in me. I still want for myself and can only ask that He love them for me, the way I wish I could. I am just a human woman - but I know a good man when I see one and I know those that walk with Him. I pray and carry them in my heart to Him, the only one I know they are safe with.

It is not a burden to care for my brothers in Him. It is not a burden to love a man for Him, it is the way women of God love.

Do you have a place in your heart for the small and the hurt, the weak and the ill, the lonely and sad? Do you see the need and fill it? When you can't, don't you take it to Him? That is a heart of one of His people.

That's the kind of man I want for a friend here and the kind of spirit I know I will see there.

When there is no body and no gender I will still know the ones that are my friends.

They shine for Him.

It's not just me

2008-02-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

We Need Men of God Again
A. W. Tozer

The Church at this moment needs men, the right kind of men, bold men. The talk is that we need revival, that we need a new [movement] of the Spirit--and God knows we must have both; but God will not revive mice. He will not fill rabbits with the Holy Ghost.

We languish for men who feel themselves expendable in the warfare of the soul, who cannot be frightened by threats of death because they have already died to the allurements of this world. Such men will be free from the compulsions that control weaker men. They will not be forced to do things by the squeeze of circumstances; their only compulsion will come from within--or from above.

This kind of freedom is necessary if we are to have [powerful preachers] in our pulpits again instead of mascots. These free men will serve God and mankind from motives too high to be understood by the rank and file of religious retainers who today shuttle in and out of the sanctuary. They will make no decisions out of fear, take no course out of a desire to please, accept no service for financial considerations, perform no religious act out of mere custom; nor will they allow themselves to be influenced by the love of publicity or the desire for reputation.

Much that the church--even the evangelical church--is doing these days she is doing because she is afraid not to. Ministerial associations take up projects for no higher reason than that they are being scared into it. Whatever their ear-to-the-ground, fear-inspired reconnoitering leads them to believe the world expects them to do they will be doing come next Monday morning with all kinds of trumped-up zeal and show of godliness. The pressure of public opinion calls these prophets, not the voice of Jehovah.

The true church has never sounded out public expectations before launching her crusades. Her leaders heard from God and went ahead wholly independent of popular support or the lack of it. They knew their Lord's will and did it, and their people followed them--sometimes to triumph, oftener to insults and public persecution--and their sufficient reward was the satisfaction of being right in a wrong world.

Another characteristic of the true [man of God] has been love. The free man who has learned to hear God's voice and dared to obey it has felt the moral burden that broke the hearts of the Old Testament prophets, crushed the soul of our Lord Jesus Christ and wrung streams of tears from the eyes of the apostles.

The free man has never been a religious tyrant, nor has he sought to lord it over God's heritage. It is fear and lack of self-assurance that has led men to try to crush others under their feet. These have had some interest to protect, some position to secure, so they have demanded subjection from their followers as a guarantee of their own safety. But the free man--never; he has nothing to protect, no ambition to pursue and no enemy to fear.

For that reason he is completely careless of his standing among men. If they follow him, well and good; if not, he loses nothing that he holds dear; whether he is accepted or rejected he will go on loving his people with sincere devotion. Only death can silence his tender intercession for them.

Yes, if evangelical Christianity is to stay alive she must have men again, the right kind of men. She must repudiate the weaklings who dare not speak out, and she must seek in prayer and much humility the coming again of men of the stuff prophets and martyrs are made of. God will hear the cries of His people as He heard the cries of Israel in Egypt. And He will send deliverance by sending deliverers. It is His way among men.

And when the deliverers come . . . they will be men of God and men of courage. They will have God on their side because they will be careful to stay on God's side. They will be co-workers with Christ and instruments in the hand of the Holy Ghost. . . .

Don't cry

2008-02-15T07:27:00.000-08:00

Luke 7 :12 - 15

As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."

Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.

After walking all day Jesus saw a widow who had lost her son. There was a large crowd with her.

He had compassion for her. He would have had to go to her to be heard. In front of them all he walked over; A stranger to her and to them. You know her friends were watching so this stranger wouldn't hurt her.

(Any one who wants can just walk up as a stranger to a large crowd and speak to the one they escort. Not on this planet, nope, I don't think so. But He did. It shows bravery to me. Even used to a crowd when I sing, I still have trouble if I speak. I like to be expected, at the least.)

Touched by her grief, on tired, dusty feet, not having so much as a sip of water for his needs yet - he went to her. He cared. He approached her. He might have just walked by - no, not him.

No one had called to him. They didn't know him. No one told him. He had just gotten to town. He saw, he cared. He made the effort and went where he was drawn.

With all those eyes on him, He spoke to comfort her. His words to her touch my heart -

"Don't cry."

How I miss hearing them. There have been those that love me enough to say that to me. It doesn't happen now. How would she feel hearing them again, words that mean, "I care. I hurt when you hurt." Who was this man? Why would a stranger care if she cried or not?

She was no stranger to him. She was a mother in grief over her son's death. He could not change that loss for his mother, it was beyond his power. He changed it for her.

He went to where her son lay dead, touched the bier and spoke. He didn't just offer comforting words. He did something to provide real comfort. The man sat up and talked.

"Jesus gave him back to his mother. "

He may have helped the man up and walked him back over to her. Can you even imagine the joy she felt to see her son walking toward her?

A huge crowd of people saw this, a mother given back her son who was dead. Can you hear the absolute silence as the two of them met and hugged? Can you hear the sudden cheers as the crowd realized what they watched happening? Can you see the tears the mother shed still, but these running in joy?

Why would Jesus do this?

It is not just how he is. He walked here for the one he called Father. He saw, he cared, he went, he spoke, he touched, he healed - not because He was asked - because He saw and cared.

No where does it say if they thanked him. Knowing how shocked they both were I expect they didn't. If they turned to do so I bet he was gone, lost in the crowd now seeking him.

Not one prayer raised to him that day, not one request that he step in. No one even knew to ask. They did not know him. His joy was in the giving of joy. His thanks to the Father that granted the power to Him.

Then He went on to die, in terrible pain, in front of the eyes of his mother. He could only call to John and ask him to care for her. He could not change his path, not even for the heart of his mother, however much he cared. He knew this was coming to her, soon.

In time he died. Three days later, God raised him. He gave him back to his mother. It was in His power to do that. He did. She saw her son lived.

God saw, he cared, he spoke, he gave; Another mother got her son back from death. We were given proof we live.

In His love, each of us will be given back all those we love - forever. They live, safe, with Him.

"Don't cry." He cares.

Thankfulness and joy

2008-02-13T08:45:00.000-08:00

I am asking today, that if you are glad in any way that I am still on the planet with you that you reach into your heart and tell the God I believe in "Thank you."

I know some of you don't believe. I also know I have showed you that I do. Out of respect for me, even in your disbelief, I ask that you send out any gratitude you hold that I am here still in whatever way you pray. Let God or the Universe or Karma know your joy that I am here.

My heart started to fail me again on the second of January. It didn't get serious to me until the third. I knew for 24 hours before I went to the emergency room on the fourth that I could go home if I hid my pain and waited. It was getting that bad. The other option was that I could try to stay by putting myself in for medical care.

I had no insurance to pay for hospital care. Believe me, there was a desire to let this heart failure take me home. I like having good credit. I like paying my bills. I knew I couldn't pay for this. I often feel there is little point to being here. Having a job just to support a house for a couple of dogs and a cat and me doesn't seem very important. A life so quiet and full of study and empty of daily love sometimes gets very lonely.

I made the decision that it was worth every thing I might have to give up or sell to stay. I wanted to live. I had learned that again for sure in December when the Chantix depression challenged me. I reached out for help to stay then, too. I received it.

I know I am loved here and I love all of you, too. I wanted to show you that I am glad to be here still. Even after Billy went on ahead of me there is joy in living and loving again since Jesus gave me His grace. I chose to try to live.

I prayed on it and told Him what I have told some of you. If God wants me here he can keep me here. It is ultimately His decision. I didn't know what it would cost. I only hoped I wouldn't leave it for my children to have to deal with if He took me home.

So I went and they tried to fix my heart. It seems to be ok. Then the bills started coming. And the cost of the medications wasn't cheap, either.

I filled out some paperwork to apply for finacial assistance. I did it for two different places. I hadn't done anything like that since we had the fire. I learned that, with my prescriptions, I would be spending 13.00 more than I gross. I don't know how I would have made it these months without the blessings He sent me. I don't just spend my net, I spend more than I make. And that doesn't count tithes...

I opened a letter this morning and discovered the hospital has approved me for 100% of my allowable charges. It includes seven of their service locations. I have yet to learn what all that will cover. But I know it took care of $23,000.00 and some change for the three days in the hospital.

God didn't just keep me here, now He is paying for it. However you may see it, I know I could have made too much money to recieve this help. I would have fallen through the cracks. I see that He knew I would have given it all up to stay. In His Love, He - again - gave it for me. What he has blessed me with I can continue to have while I am here and share with those that need it.

I am so thankful today for Him showing me - also, again- that He does live and He does love and He will supply all my need.

This part can't really be proved. But I include it because it is part of what is true for me. Believe it or not, as you will.

I had known something like this was coming for me since last summer. I didn't think I would be here for Christmas. I was surprised to make January before it happened.

It wasn't that I knew my heart was bad again, I didn't. It was that I believe I was showed that the gate I knew would be opened for me. I would be with Jesus and Billy and all I love that are there. I would be done here. I didn't think I would be here long. I thought I would want to go.

Since last summer I have seen so much and learned so much of Him. I learned more of what loving really means. I saw love in all of you for me and my love for you has grown and matured, I hope.

In His love and for His plan I was offered the out. I told Him I was willing to stay. I want what He wants for me. I live, I love, I am glad to be here.

Even when I can't see the purpose, even when it doesn't, in my opinion, seem best for me, I am learning to trust Him more all the time. I just try to do what he brings me the best I can and offer it to Him with my thanks for all He does for me.

There is work here yet for me. I have lost the vision I had to a misty view but I know when He needs me to see something that He will show me clearly what needs to be loved by me.

He shows me He loves each of you just as you are, as I do, only so much more than I can. One way I thank Him is just to say I believe in Him to you. It's what He asks of me.

I do it so very poorly. I get afraid of what you will think. I chicken out. I still am not any more than I am as a human. I still lie sometimes. Even small ones hurt me. I broken promises, too. However much they mean, some I just can't seem to keep. That hurts me, I try now to keep my word. I am learning to say, I will do this the best I can, but not to make promises. They limit how I can work for Him. That is a mistake on my part. I have made it a lot this year.

I judge others, even though I do not want to be like that anymore. I judge and hurt myself when I KNOW that it is up to Him to judge me and mine to accept His Loving grace. I try to be what we call good and still I screw it up. I can only go to Him each time I see a mistake and ask His forgiveness and that He fix it for me.

Just like I couldn't pay the bill, He has paid it for me. Just like I can't be perfect here, He chose to stand in for me, I will not be punished. In His love He takes it from me.

If Jesus didn't love me just as I am I would never make it past the bouncer at the door. His grace covers me. I just keep asking for help and forgiveness and trying to do better. You won't ever be able to call me a saint. I am not even close.

But I have been so blessed today I would like God to know how thankful I am. I can't be thankful enough by myself. I am asking you to thank Him for me in prayer today.

I am thankful for each of you in my life. Family, friend or virtual accquaintence, you have each touched my heart.

Thank you for letting me share my good news with you. I love you all.

My verses

2008-02-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

Php 4:5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.

Php 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Php 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(I can not have a gentle spirit when I have picked up things here I should not carry. In my times of darkness and strife I remember I can thank Him for providing a way for me to put them down. I give Him all my grief, misery, need, lonliness, dispair, anger, jealousy, hurt, sadness, pain and fear.

He does not just take them from me, He takes them from me, in His great love, gladly. Why He is glad to have these things I can't fully understand. I think it is that they are part of me that I willingly share with Him.

We learn more of each other when I bring them to Him. I show Him why I think I have them and He shows me more of Him and His love when He shows me how to let go of them.

He is not glad for the nastiness of them, He is glad to know me better and to teach me more of Himself. I like the learning of it but I keep picking things up when I should leave it to Him.

I give Him my desire to help when it seems I can't help at all. I give him my joy in the beauty of the day, a song, time with my friends and my thanks that I have had them. I learn more of Him then, too, as I see He does not just love them for themselves, but He loves to see I love them.

Like getting the perfect present to a friend, your joy is increased by their joy in the gift. He is really good at getting perfect gifts! I am getting better at expressing my joy in them.

When I walk with Him and know my steps are right I have the peace He gives that I can not explain to another, I can only say it exists for me and I am thankful for it.)

Col 3:12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;

(It takes His love in me to keep me like that. When I am only 'myself' I am, in all things, a pitiful excuse for a human. To keep myself remembering to be guided by His love first is difficult at times. I'm learning. But as one of His own I have to do the best I can to live to show I believe He lives and His love is with us here.)

Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye.

(Forbear means to resist doing something. {The act of forbearing. Tolerance and restraint in the face of provocation; patience.} When I feel hurt by something someone has done and I do not respond with anger, but try to stay calm and reach an understanding with them I have practiced my patience. It needs the practice!

To seek to forgive myself is hard. To ask forgiveness is harder. That is to admit I have done something that needs forgiving. I don't like to hurt others, I try very hard not to. When I have done something wrong I don't like confessing it to them. I don't like feeling ashamed of myself.

It has to be done so I understand what harm was done by it. Not just harm to them but the hurt I did to myself by being careless or less than truthful. I have done a thing that brings Jesus pain when He stands in for me. That hurts, too.

Jesus forgives each and every wrong I have done - how can I not know that to forgive is only a little less important to life than love. He forgives me, I forgive because He gave me that gift and I know the value of it.

Bearing a grudge only hurts the heart that carries it. To forgive frees your heart to love more. Better yet, it frees the one you were angry, too.

To try to be truthful in all I do is my goal. I don't know that I can achieve it. Sometimes, it seems, I don't know even my own feelings well enough to be truthful in them. I go back to him for understanding.)

Col 3:14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

(Wear Love, now that would be a gown to shine in! United with all that are His, loving each unique one as they are in Him. That will be His kingdom here. It is a goal I seek to aid.)

Col 3:15 Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

(Peace is so hard to hold to. It slips away at the least bump in my days. I grab at it to hold it and it just escapes. But if I stop chasing after it and stand still where I am it comes back and lands on me like a wild bird on my shoulder.

I am thankful that I can know peace in my life again. He has called me to be one of His own people. I see their love and joy in Him and I am not alone anymore. I give and receive encouragement, prayers, smiles and care. I love Him with them. I am thankful for all I meet that love Him.)

1Jo 3:17 But whoever has the world's goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?

(This one is so simple to me. If I can help, and don't how do I sleep at night? Sharing is so much more fulfilling than "having". Those who know me know to ask me, if I have it, it's theirs. If I can find it I will bring it. There is a special joy for me in helping my friends get what they need. )

1Jo 3:18 Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.

(I try to not just say I care but to show it in how I live. I try to not just say I believe, I try to show it by how I live. I try to do it like he showed us, care, give, heal, comfort, teach, love)

1Jo 3:20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

(If we know we have done something wrong we "beat ourselves up" with it. God's love is greater than ours and He can forgive not only what we have done that we are ashamed of, but how we treated ourselves about it. He will forgive that we did not bring it to Him.

He knows all things and that means He knows us, not just where we shine, but where we will screw up. He can even cover our mistakes and still love us. He will teach us to do better for Him.

A heart of shame can be forgiven and the deed make right when you ask Him to forgive you. His power will not allow one to be lost or plucked from His hand. )

1Jo 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

1Jo 4:8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

(If one has not known or seen or been shown any love here, how can they know God loves them? How very important it is to love all the ones He give us to the best of our abilities. It may be the only love someone has known is the love that you show them from your heart and in His name.)

1Jo 4:12 No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

(Here we can not see God. His brilliance would destroy us. We can see His love reflected in each of us by our actions. When we act lovingly we are in His divine will. When I care and love any one here, I am loving and caring for part of Him, the love manifested as the life in each one I meet.)

1Jo 4:13 By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

(His Spirit is love, life - our spirits are of His spirit but the world mars them - going back to God restores them and they love again. You know one of His own because you see His love in the way they love. )

1Jo 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

(Live and love and do what you know is right for each you meet. It is up to Him to sort out who needs what, not you. If it is brought to your attention your choice, in my opinion, is do you lovingly respond to the need you have seen or do you not? I do, if I have the means.

All I have is His and from Him. If I have the means to help, He provided it to me. I will not keep for myself what He gave me to give in His name. To me that would be wrong. If I don't have what is needed I ask Him to fill it for them and I ask my family and friends if they can help.

I see the needs get met in His time and love, not because I fill them but because He knew of them and already provided for them. I love the way He does that!

When we witness a need do we fill it as a caring neighbor or use our own judgement to decide if our help is "deserved"? I don't have the wisdom to judge rightly. I have the heart to care and try to help. It is up to Him to provide the increase to Him from my care of them.)

This is a little like the way I think when I try to read the scriptures. Perhaps you can see why it takes me a while to get through it. I find that if I read the same place on another day there is more I have not understood in it. I think it's going to take me awhile to get through all of it.

These are some of the verses that comfort my heart. However you see it, in your eyes, is just right for you. I am no scholar of the Book. This is just my opinion, one way to see it and all in my misty view.

It kept my mind on that which is good today. It is where I want my mind and heart to be; On all the good that He has brought to me and all those I love. I thank Him for each gift.

To a friend

2008-02-09T23:43:00.000-08:00

When my spirit was chasing after the mate that went on ahead of me all that was still here was a body in terrible hurt and need. I had one friend that bore with me as I was out of my heart. They prayed for me.

There were words and books passed between us that got me pointed on the right path again. There was a bond between us created by this kindness. I believe there was another created by God's Love.

I was lead into the river almost a year ago. Then I was asked to do something for this friend but it was refused. I think the point was to show them that they are needed in a special position for God. That was being struggled over in their heart.

I asked an alternative to the refused request. It was given. I was blessed.

I was supposed to go and tell them what the experience brought to me over a period of growing spiritually. It was refused again. But I will say what I see here and hope one day it is accepted.

I was brought back to a faith I lost and I was given the grace of forgiveness. I stood in fear of judgement and then I saw it was already given. I was not judged, Jesus was. I was free in His love for me. Once you have been forgiven by Jesus, there is nothing for God, or yourself, to judge you for anymore.

Jesus takes your sins and the punishment on Himself in love for you and you are free to love and be loved as you were meant to again. That was the gift I was given in just one prayer.

It is a gift I am glad to say I have passed on the best I can. That one small, quiet, private prayer has touched lives that have been changed by Jesus because I was changed in Him. That friend is the one who put their faith out where I could see it and Jesus took it to His heart and provided the increase from it.

Not just me, but now three more have had their lives changed from that one prayer. These three are bringing others back to Him.

If you are judged by the fruit you bear for Him, I would say you have been very fruitful but I don't know if you can see it. I leave it here, in my misty view, and hope you will consider the one way I can see it.

I can only bear fruit because you helped me back to Him to do it. My fruit all is given to Him but He sees it came through your faith in Him. May he bless you for it. I do.

When the ones I have helped have thanked me I tell them I just pointed the way to Him. But the truth is I could not have helped them at all except that I was helped first, by you friend.

So I say you have made this a better world, more in line with His will being done here with one quiet, heartfelt prayer. May each word of it have been heard by Him.

How can you not see you are forgiven? Will you say He does not have to power to remove your sins and take your punishment from you? How can you not be worthy of doing His work here? I see that Jesus loves you.

I see He shows you are His. Please - accept it. It is His gift to you. By helping me you have helped another friend of yours, or two or three and three you don't even know.

I can see His kingdom coming, one heart at a time. I see it now because He shows me. I saw Him because you showed me He was alive and real to you.

I can not repay the gift you gave, but I have one I think is important for you. Please contact me.

May God's will be done in your life today, I ask it in Jesus name. Amen

When I pray

2008-02-09T21:11:00.000-08:00

When I have prayed, "I ask it in Jesus name, may Your will be done", I have added it like a post script, as a way I was taught to pray by others. It left it all up to Him if my prayer was answered or not and took me out of the equation.

If the prayer was not answered then it must be His will and plan did not include what I saw as needed in my love of others here.

What does it mean to Him when I pray, "Your will be done?" Why did it seem like I could not know what His will is, that I could not know what he wants? I try to keep my will in line with His as I understand it. I want to do what He needs of me. I have submitted to His love and guidance. I don't always see it the way He does but I have learned to trust Him.

It has come to me that to say I do not know God's will is like saying I was ignorant of my father's will in this life. I started out ignorant of what my father expected from me. I learned as I grew that there were things that were in his will and things that were not. He made sure I knew the difference between them.

Fill my responsibilities, do my chores, get good grades, no lying, cheating or fighting, no swearing, no sneaking, be kind to others, take care of the little kids, respect my elders, be courteous and polite; These things were in my parents will for me and I knew it when I was still very young.

I am very young spiritually. I am willing but still find places that I am very ignorant. He teaches me, as my father and mother did, what His will is here for me. I have come to see He showed us, when He came as Jesus, what His will is for us. I am seeing His love and His will are the same.

If you have seen the Son, you have seen the Father. Jesus did all those things because that is how God wanted it done. Why couldn't I see His will is that His love be manifested here.

When I pray with concerns for others I love and end now, "In Jesus name I ask these things. Your will be done", I say it with conviction and a glad heart, not as rote words of no meaning. I know He loves them more than I can and He built me to see it as I do. I have seen a need I can't meet for them, I bring it to Him. I am not afraid of Him. I don't tremble and grovel. I know that He loves me. That is my confidence. I am loved by Him. I love and respect Him, those are the human words. I adore Him and am mystified by Him. He amazes me almost daily.

When I ask, "Father will you help them?" I know that in His love He will. Yes, just because I asked it. That is our power of love here. To love enough to take it to Him in prayer.

It may not the way I would do it but I trust Him to do it better than I can think up. Half my problem is just learning to see His love His way. I am learning how to do it a little, I think. I have seen Him working here. I am so glad to see His touch on those I care for and I tell Him so.

He never stinted to show His love when one asked for it from Him. Even those who just believed were healed when they only touched him. His love is that powerful. He loves me. He loves those around me. He loves everyone of you.

When you trust that love, like taking a puppy with a hurt paw to be fixed, of course He will fix it. And my joy is He can do anything!

He can heal a life from beginning to end, He can mend a broken spirit. He can fill a dark heart with light and joy again. He can heal a little child or keep a tree standing in the wind. He can take a tree that falls and make a blessing of it. If we only bring it to Him, in His Loving Will, it can be dealt with by Him. For us He gave His life so we can live forever with Him. How can I not see His will is to Love?

I haven't got the words to say how much I am touched by this Love today. I can only thank Him for loving me and pray each of you will know Him.

Thankfulness for a friend

2008-02-04T07:50:00.000-08:00

I am thankful today. My friend that had the bad day a few posts ago is back on track in his life. He had good news for the last several days. It might have been seen as bad news, but not in my misty view. I saw the good in it for him and I know God can show it to him, too.

He went to the hospital ER again last week. They discovered his doctor had him on the wrong medication - seriously enough wrong to flush his body for him, call and reprimand the doctor and continue doing tests. He will have two stents put in soon without having to suffer a heart attack. His medication change has let him feel like he has his mind back.

I know he felt like he was "out of his mind". He would protest, "It's just not like me!" when he described how he was getting through the days. I knew he meant it. I knew it was a real feeling and that it pointed to a real problem. I kept praying about it.

It's hard to define how I see people sometimes. It's like seeing two things at once. I see the part of them here and how they are living and I see what I think of as "who they really are and want to be". When we discussed the action he took last week that we both saw as wrong and negative coming to have positive results for all touched by it I told him I only knew One that can do that.

When he asked me who, I answered Jesus. He is the only one I know who only sees good and can show it to you so you see it that way, too, by changing what you may have done wrong into good in your life and the other lives it touched.

Jesus has spread His grace on this man's life and I am so glad to see it. He reached out for help and he has recieved it. I see he is on a good path now when he was over the edge. Finding out that it really was not all him, but the medication he should not have been on, has helped him see the reality of body and spirit.

He got to see a counselor sooner than he planned. His heart won't be damaged by trying to shut down, he will have the surgury instead. His breech with those he loves is being mended. He will have the help he needs to get back to the man he wants to be.

He made the choice to seek a church and found the one he chose had the perfect words for him. He took a young man and woman with him and they found guidance, too.

The pastor and the guest pastor that spoke both took time to talk with him before he left. He was touched by their concern and care and will be going back to them again. I was so glad he has found others that can do more for him than I can by myself. I was feeling over my head a little and I see he is in the right place for him.

I was humbled by his thanks to me last night. I told him I did nothing but point the way to where he could find help. Then I realized I had done correctly a task given to me for the One I can't repay. It may have been a small task but I can feel good in my heart I got it right for Him.

I answered him, "I'm just the ambassador, I can accept your thanks but I will give it to the One who earned it. Keep looking to Him. I am just the one he sent to give you a hand up."

God knows I like to help and He knows I like to bring smiles where I walk. He is teaching me how to do it better all the time. I had thanks, not just from my friend for Him, but real thankfulness in me. I had tried to step over the line of fear in my heart and He shows me it was the right step. I did not lead one wrong, I did not lose them for Him. I was so glad for that gift!

I passed my friend's thanks on, with true gladness in my heart and my faith deepened again. I have done nothing for this man that I have not done for the others in my life. I cared he had a problem, I helped him as I could, I offered nothing more than a friendly place to be and talk. I listened. I looked for answers for him where I know the source is true and gave them to him. I gave him my bible. I can't see anything I did as being special. I have done it all for others, too.

I know the value he has been to me. He keeps forgetting the man that made the poor decision last week is the same one that two weeks before on an aquaintance of only a week drove me to the hospital after sharing a pill with me to keep me here a little longer. He was kind enough to say, later, he was glad I was still here.

I have made a friend I will not only be glad to have but proud to know in the days to come. He will work for the same God that I do and I know he will do it well. That is the kind of man I see in him, caring, strong and kind. I know the needs in him will be filled as he sees them and ask for help with them and I ask it for him until then in my prayers.

There have been blessings of good all around me. I see them and I am thankful that I have been shown He not only lives but listens and cares still for those of us walking here.

I may be moving through a fog but I know who guides me sees more clearly than I ever will. May all of you meet Him. Jesus holds me close today and I am glad of the time with Him.

Love does not have a body

2008-02-02T04:59:00.000-08:00

Love is never separated as our spirits don't die. The separation we feel is only how we see it from here. It seems like something is gone when a body stops functioning. That "something" is not gone, I don't believe. We just can't see what it became. We are not built to see it as we are now.

We can learn that, though miles lay between us, we are still connected in a way we don't understand. Miles between two that care for each other do not change the way their hearts are joined. It only removes the presence of the body we associate with them. That body may get thin or fat or bald or shorter over the years. The friend contained within it is always our friend.

Here, the distance that can't be hugged over and the time spent apart, the separation of bodies that hold two loving friends is accepted as just part of life. I say to my friend across the nation from me, "I'm glad you are still on the planet." However far away, they are still they are available to me as we are taught to see it.

We are not taught to understand the invisible things in and around us. We are not taught to see each spirit that loves us always will. Forever is not just a word we say, it is the place we will meet together in joy and love. Once we are changed, too, we will see them again in a way we can't here.

Death of the body removes the part we can see with the eyes of our body. It removes the part we can hug with the arms of our body. It can not take the part that we love and loves us. The spirit lives on and loves on.

The place they are we can not go to see them in our body. I can get on a plane and be any place I have a friend is less than a day on the planet. To visit the ones I know that are gone ahead of me I have to go with my spirit in prayer. I can visit and love with them that way. It is not as satisfying here as a hug to this body would be. It is a way I can see they live on and that has comforted me.

There is only one way I can join the friends on the far shore and I can only do it once. It requires leaving all I love here behind. They don't seem ready to let go of me yet and I stay to show them I care. I will not abandon them, but I will go with joy when it's my turn. I am not leaving them, however they see it. I am only invisible and seem gone. That is where they have to have faith, to trust the words in the book and the words I leave behind me.

If they can't believe in Jesus first, perhaps they will take my words that point to Him and follow me there someday.

The time I have here is so short, I will treasure all of it. I want to share with others the peace in my heart at knowing we do not die, we live. I want that firm in my children's hearts and minds. Not to comfort them when I am "dead", to make showing them we live easier for the one that can teach them of it. He is invisible, too.

Jesus spent forty days being "not dead" in a way no other has done since. I have seen my loved ones with my spirit in my prayers. Not as the bodies I knew here but as I see them in my heart. You may not see them in bodies you know, but you will know it is them.

To reach for Jesus in prayer and be with him in my heart takes my spirit to a place I know they all live on in love. I can't get there every time I pray, it needs a boost of power to get me there. I believe it is God's loving power, invisible, the Holy Spirit, some call it. That gets me where I stand with those I love and love Him with them.

Each of us has a spirit that can learn of itself as real. How to teach of it where it has been ignored so much is a puzzle for me. None of what I am saying is new. It's not even original, probably. It's just feels like I am discovering something new. No one taught me this.

At church they said I had a soul that could go to hell because it was not perfect and never could be. I could never be a good enough person here to deserve Heaven when I died. I was born a sinner. It was all so confusing as a child. I knew I was a good girl. I knew it's what I wanted to be.

I see it a different way now. Call it spirit or soul, the part of me that won't die can only be perfect by God's love in me becoming, in it's small way, like Him. It's a gift He gave us in Jesus, one who knew the way home. One who knew the things that hurt a spirit here and was given the gift to heal them. He graced me with the gift of His love. I try to learn to love Him as He wishes.

Seeking to fulfill our bodies needs with no thought of how our actions affect the ones around us is selfish greed and walking blindly if we think it makes no difference. When we hurt another or put negative intentions into the invisible life around us it affects all that we are here with and ourselves. Some call that Karma.

We do not know our power. We use it ignorant of it's workings. It's like a child not knowing what a hand grenade is and pulling out the pin as I watch. I can save them if I yell "throw it FAR - NOW!", and they do. But someone is going to get hurt where ever it lands.

The hurts we do each other, the curses we spew without thought, the anger and the hate between us is not the power of love. It is a power in life and living that we have available to us. The real power is to love and live in joy and pass that greater power between us.

The love between two spirits bonds them in a very real way forever. You can not ever lose love that is between you, even when the body is gone. The power that God gives us is that power of love. Not just between two bodies or two hearts but the kind that touches your soul.

It's when that power is turned toward selfish need that it fails and becomes "not love" here. Even losing a friend to a disagreement hurts a spirit. To keep love right between you and all you know is impossible for humans. It requires two to always work out the differences, not just get mad and leave or give up and ignore them. It takes Him to mend it when it's a wound to the spirit, His love to heal your heart and His love to heal theirs. We can not always do it for each other. The hurt goes beyond our power to fix. He always will repair it in both hearts if you ask.

I have friends across the void we see as "death of the body". I am working out my differences in perception with Jesus. He showed us all we live, we don't die. He showed us the love in each can be the power that guides us to grow. He shows me that those I love live on and that I am loved and love them still.

I have the advantage of dying and being sent back once. But even that I doubted my ability to know. I have come to accept it as the truth it seems to me. The reality of it in my life makes it easier to see that things not visible here are still real as we define it. God is as real to my spirit as cold and wet and sunburn are to my body.

I know the love that is life in us is our gift from God to be treasured and brought back to Him when we are done in this body. I can not grieve losing steak and hamburger as long as I keep the love it contained that is the unique self I was created as and shared with those I knew here.

The love between my friend and me was good. I know it's good today. I know he is glad I am there for the one he loves, he let me know it. The one I loved so many years still reaches to stop my tears of sadness.

The love we shared keeps our connection working over the distance I feel between us. I said, "Darn it, another one gone!" He said, "Wow, another friend is HERE!" I knew his joy at the reunion was real and I won't pout as they get their turn together there. We had a turn here with them both and will catch up with all those we love later. The fire of love will always hold the circle of friends that seek it.

My father loves me better now than he did when he was here. A spirit has an easier time expressing love than a man can with the social restrictions and behavior rules. I love him better, too. My heart is carried by the ones that love me there, and the ones here with me, together.

All that lives and all that love are connected through the great Alive and Love that is God. I am never separated from those I love. I just can't see them. It doesn't matter if it is miles between bodies or the mystery of changing to spirit, the love between us is real and never leaves us.

That is why I reverance Jesus. His was the first story of life forever because God sent Him to show us. We are each a divine, loving spirit. Down here we don't learn to show it. We hide it away for fear of hurt to ourselves. He never did that.

When I try to love like Him I try to remember to take all my hurts to God. I don't dump them on the humans that may have brought them to me. I know they don't understand the hurt to a love between us is a hurt forever - unless He touches it for me to heal it.

I just don't know how to show someone God that can't see Him in all that is here of life. I don't know how to show someone their spirit is real or that one that seems gone still lives.

Jesus didn't have a lot of luck with it either. So many still don't see the truths in what he said to us of love and forever and the living, loving God that cherishes all life and love. I can't do any better than He did as a body. I give those I love to Him in my heart and pray He touches them with His spirit to teach them as He is teaching me. I live as I believe is right.

I can say, "I love you forever" because He gave me the truth in it. When the mate died I thought forever had come and I would never love again. It has, for him now, but I am still in time and I am not there yet. When it is forever for me, I know I will love you still if I love you now. I still live on and I love still here. If I have another to share it with me I leave up to Him.

This seems beyond misty today. It seems convoluted instead of straight. It feels so easy to me and I know there are those who will think I popped my cork. I know that it's in tight again. This is just the way I see it now and it changes as I grow.

I wanted to comfort the sad hearts around me and know I have to leave it to Him. I can't make the connection for them. I can only show them I am here and functioning and loving again. In guilty joy I snatched the sight of a hawk as I went to town last evening. I was still here to see the beauty of it. I was looking for that as I drove, the beauty in my world.

I know my friends are walking in the dark of sad hearts and spirits and may not see it for a while and when they do they may resent the world for shining on when their loved one is gone. I pray for their comforter to come and the healing to be completed quickly.

I think it is the social rules of grief that make us fear to live and love again. Men think you should be broken forever when you lose a good love. I had a friend that got me to where I could be mended. I see the beauty, even in the loss of my friends. Still, I miss the body of them.

I will reach out for hugs from others but the ones that hugged me in friendship and love that are gone only hug me in spirit now. No other hugged me just like they did. They will be missed as living humans as long as we live.

While I live I love. There are others I love here. I can't replace a friend. They are each unique. But I can love with others who have caring hearts and are still here with me.

The comfort is that I will be a spirit, like them gone ahead, and the hugs will come again in a way I can see them there. When I join them they will be glad to see me and I will be glad to see them. The joy will be real. The love waiting for me will not fade with time passed here. It grows, as love always does.

Love does not have a body here. Show me a picture of it. Tell me it isn't real. Then tell me there is no God.

You can show me a photo of a loving action between two humans, you can't show me the love that made them do it. You can show me the picture of the place you first found love, you can't show me the love in that place. It's in you and the one you shared it with, not a place I can get it, too.

The love is in you and the love is in them and that joins your lives forever. His love is in Him and is in you and He wants all His loves together in Him, I think. I want all of mine with me someday. It won't happen here. My loves are out there all over the place and I don't stand a chance of a day they all love me and each other here. It can only happen in forever.

Like one grows taller faster than others or one learns slower, we all are brought to understand Him at our own pace and in His plan. We are all different in the way we love and come to Him.

Seeds of thought

2008-01-31T18:21:00.000-08:00

Today I read again in 1 Corinthians 15
36... that which thou sowest is not quickened, except it die:

37 And that which thou sowest, thou sowest not that body that shall be, but bare grain, it may chance of wheat, or of some other grain:

NASV
36....That which you sow does not come to life unless it dies;

37 and that which you sow, you do not sow the body which is to be, but a bare grain, perhaps of wheat or of something else.

38 But God gives it a body just as He wished, and to each of the seeds a body of its own.

We don't plant a stalk of wheat or a zinnia in full flower. They will not grow. We plant their seeds. That is all that is left after the beauty has faded, withered and dried; Leaving what seems to be just a useless, brown, easily crumbled husk.

Each seed for each type of plant is different. Zinnia seeds are flat Wheat I think of as a small, pointed tooth. It doesn't look like much all tiny, dry and wrinkled.

A seed is not a plant, it contains the possibility of a plant within it. It needs the warmth of the sun, the nutrients in the earth and the rain to bring the life from it.

When we put small, hard, dry seeds in the dark of the earth we do not expect more small, hard, dry seeds to appear. We wait for the time when the seed will split the hull and bring the flower we know is contained in that seed to life.

Wheat seeds will not give corn plants. Moss rose seeds will not grow zinnias. The seeds each look different, but there is one thing common to each. They split as that within them is called by the sun and rain to grow and live. The seed itself is gone, food for the roots of the plant it sprouted or if it is too hard to be absorbed, the hull is just discarded.

The seeds between a man and woman create a body for a child. I think the seed of the spirit of God puts the life in it. It is part of each of us that can not be found as we see here, it is the part that is the spark of life that never dies, I think.

If our bodies are the seeds then the flower is the spirit within us. As we grow and reach out to the love that is God (and the Son) our spirits grow and ripen. The fruit or seed they leave behind is the love we sow in each other spirit that lives that we touch.

Like the flower needing the bee to carry the pollen so it may mature to make seeds, we need the love of each other and God for our spirit to ripen for harvest. To make seeds of love to leave in the spirits behind us we pass love between us for pollenation of our spirits.

Some of us spread love of beauty, others love of each other, some of us love of God. The love we have all came from Him. It spreads among us and gives us each what we need to make our seeds for him and plant them in the hearts we love with here.

Our bodies, like the flowers, wither, dry and age. The fruit that is the spirit of love and life in us grows through every age we reach.

Then comes the harvest. From sprout through full bloom to dried flower head, He choses what He needs and when from each of us. Some are thinned out as seedlings, some transplanted to His garden in full bloom and some of us appear to wither here but still He sees the seeds of love we plant here for Him as a beauty in us.

The witch hazel tree actually has a pod that pops apart and shoots it seeds for feet around it. Zinnia travel on the wind and wheat falls to the ground.

I think our seeds are invisible to our eyes but we can see them with our hearts in the love the ones we have touched hold, given to them by us. The pollen of my love to you will perhaps only touch one part of you and ripen just one seed but that is the love between us that brought it to life. One seed in me may be ripened by the love you showed to me.

When I share that love with others that you gave me it plants the seed of love we brought forth together in me.

Now let's make it simple.

I did not get the joy of giving my girls their first car, neither did their Dad. We had burned out two months after I got hurt at work. There was no money for a car or insurance. We all shared the one we had but it is not the same as your own.

The joy of making two girls smile at 16 years old went to our friend. He gave them a great car safe for two we loved to learn to drive in. The squeels of joy were shared among us all as he brought it over to them and handed them the keys.

The feelings of gratitude and gladness at his kind gift were well expressed. He knew he did a good thing. We all let him know it meant a lot to all of us different ways. He touched four hearts that day. We never gave him a dime but he had our love and knew it. Not just for the gift but for being the kind of man that saw the need and made the effort to fill it.

The girls have grown to be caring women, their father gone ahead. My heart remembered the fruit of loving those that need it, as I know that theirs has.

Many years later my nephew needed money and to sell a car. He was going in the Army. I didn't need another car. Still, it was on my heart to help.

When three families, friends of ours, burned out of their home there was a need for more ways of transportation. I got the joy of making the nephew happy and passing on a car where it was needed. It was fun all around and the seed that grew in my heart from the love of that friend was passed on to yet another as pollen to bring to life that seed in them.

Over and above all this, there grows within each one here a spirit that you can not see but that you can know is real. God seeks the growth of that loving spirit and sees the bloom that we can not. He seeks the life and love that is of Him and yearns to have it safe with Him forever in His great love.

Only for a little while are we here to grow, then harvest comes, in His plan and each of us goes home. I believe all love is of Him and we will be with the ones we love again. Until we are we are needed here as He has made us to spread the love that should be here for everyone.

It's just the way it seems to me. Friends here loving me and friends gone on ahead loving me, we will all be back together one day in the great love that is Him.

Trusting

2008-01-30T06:09:00.000-08:00

I have so many thoughts going through my head I can't pick just one and expand it. They all call for thought and attention. Trust that God loves each and every one of us and does what is best for all of us, walk safe in His love.

How do you say that to one who's world has shattered? One who's best friend is gone in pain and perhaps not able to believe in a God of love right now?

How do you feed and grow a spirit? I am trying to see love in what appears to be fertilizer around here. I can not understand the love that God must see in the separation of two that love. I see the way my spirit has grown but the cost for that seems high to me. I guess I will understand it better when I get there.

But here I am. How can I help my friends? I feel helpless in front of their grief. I know the depths it reaches in them and can only stand helpless and let my tears fall for them.

The loss of the part of your spirit that belonged to the one that has gone on ahead is a shock to the heart, a pain to the body and it can not be replaced. For those of us with long years between us each one that has known us so long takes a part of our youthful self and we feel that much older. The ones that knew the same jokes and stories are no longer here to share them. We feel that much more alone.

We gather together to commemorate the life that has touched each of us but all of us must grieve alone in our spirits, no other can know all of us.

I reach for the One that knows all of me and loves me still and pray that he will ease each torn spirit and comfort them today.

I can't do it. Mine has had a shock, too. The first was that I lost one of my friends. The second that my other friend will walk the path I have and I don't know how to help her. I can cheer her on but I can not walk it for her even though I know one way through the dark.

My heart aches at all the sadness around me today. I pray He lifts it for them. I pray he lifts it from me. I see the joy in my friend being there. It is harder to see standing here with another friend gone from my days. With them, I miss him.

I have missed the gathering this time, too and it hurts me to grieve alone. I feel like I have let my friends down, even though I know it was not something I can change. I could not be there with the ones who have been there for me.

So I try to trust there is a reason that is was right in His plan. I can not see a way that good will come from it. I have to trust it will. That which is born of God over comes the world. He knows the truth of it. May His love touch each one today to heal and fill the gap in each sore spirit.

I didn't do it!

2008-01-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

The friend that just went on ahead of me used to answer his phone that way. It was a game for me to make up answers to him that would make us laugh. I'm missing him still today.

The last time I saw him and his wife we met at the cafe. He didn't neglect to offer a hug and I wasn't slow to return it. I have the peace of knowing that all was right between us. I am thankful for that. My good bye that day was the last I gave but it was given. I am thankful for that.

I got a call that told me a friend in need was waiting for me at home. I was going to be with another friend after work, I thought. It made me remember to be sure I was wanted where I would land. I called and my friend told me she would rather have her time alone. I went home.

The sad truth was the friend waiting was claiming sanctuary. I would not refuse it. His spirit is so wounded there is only his self preservation keeping his body here, in my opinion. He is 'not himself', "the spirit has gone out of him". It is a hurt deeper than a bandaid or hug can fix. I know these are a truth because I have been there myself. It is a strange place I am glad to have survived it.

He needed a place he felt safe because he had done something he knew was wrong. Some one he trusted as a friend turned on him and he responded in pain. Communication with words had failed between them and he spoke by an action instead. He never touched anyone but what he did was done to hurt them. I think it probably did.

I listened and I tried to call it honestly as it seemed to me. I understood how he hurt so well that part of me wanted to help him get the response he seemed to need from his friend. I couldn't do that. It would have been wrong for me. But I knew a bit of how he felt. I was tempted. I said no. But I had to think it out.

I had time to think about it and I wasn't reacting in pain. I was upset because my friend hurt but I was sad there were others hurt now, too. There was so much that was 'not love' in the story I heard that it hurt me to listen. I prayed for a way to put some love into the situation.

I said the words that may have hurt him more because they were the truth to me. Truth is of love and I would not let him say it was okay to act like. What he did was intentionally hurt someone. That is wrong, to me. It's not what I wanted to say.

The world is full of hurts and pains for us enough in living here. Illness, injury, death, separation, and all the other things we deal with are bad enough for hurt. Giving pain to each other is just not how I want to live my life any more. I want to ease the hurts I see around me. So I tried to ease his hurt but could not say he was right to do what he did. I could only say I understood the pain that brought him to do it.

I made dinner for us and watched him eat. I listened more to him. He decided he had to go back where he was supposed to be. Before he left I saw real regret in him that he had acted as he did. I can only hope the guidance I tried to give helped and works to lead him back to the right path for his life. It's hard to see a friend falling away and not be able to help them.

Others will always see it differently than I do. My view seems very misty right now, nothing quite comes clear. But I am trying to stay centered in the love that does not betray or change and pass that comfort on to others.

I learned again this week that I see the world a little differently now than I did before I went back to the Divine Loving Being, Jesus, and he sat in my heart. There were two gifts given to a friend grieving that seemed strange to her. I saw not only the care in them but that they were needed by her. She may never see that.

I did not share how I saw it. It was not my place to explain they were loving gifts from one that understood what grief does to a body. I saw it my way and smiled at the kindness I saw in them. I am glad to have a friend that sees a need and fills it as best they can. But it showed me how there is a place for the way I see it, so I share it here.

I prayed this all to Jesus last night. It's too big for me to see the love in it through the pain I see all around me. I pray He touches all of it with His love and heals it, in His will and in His time - and shows me how I can help in my small way, that His will be done here soon.

The "US"of me and that hurting friend took a hit last night. I saw he hurts so badly that his ability to love and receive love is damaged. I saw I almost made a wrong move for the way I want to live now. I care, but I cannot see a way to let him closer to me as a friend right now.

He is standing in a dangerous place. He would not mean to but could take others down with him. Down is the wrong direction for me right now. I am trying to at least stand my ground. Falling back is too easy and I can't see anymore I can do to help. I can listen, I can care because I do. I have tried to give him a hand up, what he does with that is up to him.

It is not that he is not my friend, it is that he is not even his own friend right now. I can only take it in prayer and leave it with the One who can always help.

I see we touch each others lives and the touch between us lingers. If I have touched him with only a caring heart I can hope it helps him find his way back to himself and faith again. Feeling the draw of taking a negative action seeming like the right thing to do to help a friend - that set me back on my heels a bit.

I have to step back a little bit and let Jesus help my friend. All I can do is check in on him and let him know one here will still try to help if she can, but she will not do a hurtful thing to aid him. I do enough wrong by accident and mistake that I have to reach for His help with, I am trying to not put hurt in the world on purpose. But I saw me think about it and even say it, then say I would not. That was too close for me. I don't even like to think like that.

My heart that is so sad already because of the space my big friend left is a little more sore now as I see I can't help a friend.

There is a time to reach out and give a hand up and a time to let them walk alone. I don't like leaving them thinking I don't care, because I do. However they may see it, I have to try to do what I believe is loving here the best I can.

I am praying someone stronger than me can help the friend I see standing alone in the dark. God has a way of doing things even when I am not part of them - there is a smile in that. It's not up to me to save the world, as much as I might like it all my way.only that I do as He asks.

I am responsible for those he brings me, but only to Him, not them. However they may see it, I love the others in my life by bringing them to Him - for me that is the right way. Give it into His care and add my love to my prayers for them where He can use is as is right, the way He sees right, not in my Miss T. view where I am the center of it all.

His place in the true center is the one I reach out to when I see it as "not love" here. I know He can change it. He has His work cut out for Him working with us. I don't know how He does it even when I see it happen. He amazes me.

Not guilty

2008-01-28T11:11:00.000-08:00

Another man, who stood like the center post of a large building of love, has left hearts fallen and jumbled behind him. His presence was removed from our lives here and he moves on up the path ahead of us now.

I have no concern for my friend that is gone but the shattered hearts left behind are many, varied and share one thing. My friend was one who cares and he treasured those like him with hearts that care who use their strength to help others.

When you have a heart that cares little leaves it untouched. Losing one that was so much to you as he was leaves a gaping space to heal in a heart that knows how to love.

I just do not have words for them that love him, I can only offer comfort them my tears and my hugs while the hurt is this raw. It is a deep regret in me that I was not available when they called to share the news.

I prayed for understanding, how could he have let me miss this call? Then I remembered who it was that was taken home.

He would not have spent five minutes waiting on a "maybe" when he had a sure thing, like a sunny day to ride in, whistling at him to live it.

I had been out to be with friends that needed help that morning. I continued to where my heart is lifted and, while there, met a friend from long ago in need of cheering and comfort. I gave it and a promise of more if I can. I ordered the cake for my mother's bday the next day. I was living and loving and caring and I got home when I got there.

My friend would never expect me to neglect those I care about or to forget to recharge my spirit so I would have what I needed to meet this hurt with love. He would have skipped his ride to heaven if someone needed him still.

I know that he delayed it until the one he loved most could reach him. As I love him for the effort that took, he loves me because of my caring heart.

I might have missed the gathering of raw grief but I am here for all of them that my need me for the long haul.

I see I needed to forgive me that I didn't know he was going. I had to forgive me for not always being at home. I had to forgive me for living and loving when he can't any more. I had to forgive me if one needed me and I wasn't there.

But when I got the call I reported in and went on to where I was needed most - being with the ones that I feel responsible for and loving them as I can. Meeting the needs I can and helping find solutions to the ones I can not.

I can't do everything I wish I could but I do what He brings me. It's never wrong to love and care - I know, my friend taught me that.

Prequel to Thankfulness, Punished

2008-01-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

When I know there is nothing in my life not allowed by the Divine Loving Being I know loves me. I choose to walk in His Love. I should fear only losing my relationship with Him. I am not there yet. Other things still cause fear in me. Losing one he brought to me is my biggest fear.

One asked me "Why am I being punished when I think I am only doing good? What did I do that they do not love me?"

One said, "Why do I feel like I am being punished? I just got right with Jesus."

One said to me, "They tell me it's stupid to love someone who treats me like that one does."

One says, "How could I be so stupid to not see I was being lied to and cheated on. Everyone knew it but me?"

I can't answer the questions. They have all been mine at one time and another in my life.

The question I had that echoed them all I took to God in prayer. A change was made in my heart that day and all I know is - true love is never wrong to give. Untruth and selfishness taint it here unless it begins with loving God. When it begins in just us we expect it to be returned.

Why are we not getting a return on our care and love for others in our lives? That is the human way to see it. I look for my return on the love I share here from Jesus. He supplies all my need. Working through the hearts around me that are His they show His love to me.

I try to pass it on to those that need it so badly here. But some how I see things in a different way now and those questions don't haunt me, even though I have no answer for them.

I am not being punished. I am being blessed. Living here on this little planet I can't always see what is best for me when I am in it, only when I have passed through it does it show the silver linings of love to me. The blessings look like fertilizer to me sometimes and the richer it smells the more I know I will grow - but they don't call them "growing pains" because they are fun.

I think that when my heart is His first, that is where I seek my joy. I may not seem to help where I try to. I know I can look Him in the face and say "I did what I thought you brought me to do the best I know how - now what?", with no shame for not trying to show His love.

I don't have to trust people to not hurt me, I don't have to trust they won't take advantage of me. People will be what they are, but in His love, I am free to give what is needed in my eyes. I know He meets my needs and holds my heart safe. I trust Him to protect me. I don't have to protect my heart, He does that for me.

It doesn't mean I am not disappointed when one may seem to be careless of me, it just means I don't see it as directed against me personally. It is their decision to make. I am safe where I stand. I see they can not keep their word or I see they can not be kind. That is just like me, too. We are all only human. 'Screw ups R us', without Him.

I see that they still hurt and will again until they find the peace only He can give. I try to share it but I just don't seem to have the right words every time. They go on hurting and I go on caring and trying to help, at the very least, in prayer. I hurt still, sometimes, too. I learn to take it to Him in all the confusion it gives me.

Today is two years since the mate died. I have a new bill on the desk for 23,000.00+ for my heart surgury. I know it is only the first, not the total due. One for 38.00 joined it. I can pay that one.

Am I being punished for living still? I don't see it that way. Without their treatment I would have died. I owe the debt but can't pay it, I don't see anyway I ever can. Even my house is not enough to meet the bills and buying my medication is a monthly expenditure now, if I continue to take it.

I have been praying about it. He wants me here, He kept me here, and what He does He pays for. He wanted to love with me enough to die here first to show we live forever. I trust Him to show me a way to meet my debts or go bankrupt honorably. The honor counts in His love that is truth. He will show me how to make it right somehow.

I don't feel punished that I have nothing but love here to call mine. That and the time I have to live and love the way I am now are all I own. I give them to Him, too. I don't know why I smile today, I see the mess around me the world is in and can only say I believe He will overcome the things of the world in His time and His plan.

I see the hurt of betrayal and lies, greed and selfishness are taking their toll on hearts and know He has the power in His hands to heal it all.

May His will be done and His kingdom come, soon. In the mean time I keep trying to live more like Him and know I can not do that. I am only me. I am glad He lives! I know He loves you all. I know that He loves me.

Not the law, but the Love

2008-01-23T04:16:00.000-08:00

Mom mentioned there would be a fund raiser for teen programs at her church. She named the man who would be running is and said "It may be a little unorthodox", then laughed. She meant the man so loves Jesus he will do anything he can to bring the children to Him.

I was trying to be funny, too, when I said, "Isn't that Jewish?" Orthodox and Unorthodox usually refers to Jews. I think Jesus was the first unorthodox Jew.

Then I continued the thoughts out loud that came to me. Jesus was unorthodox in his beliefs and methods. He started in the synagogue with the elders but ended up in the fields without them.

Even if the belief he taught had matched theirs he would have ended up in the streets. The building wasn't build that could hold his ministry. When he taught inside the people even came in through the roofs to try to reach him and hear him. He had to be outside the church just to speak to the ones that wanted to hear him.

His belief in the grace of God was not by the law they lived under from Moses. His power to heal was not theirs. They could not deny the evidence of His power but He did not believe as they did.

He went where he was needed and he did what was right by God, not in the words of the law. If what you are doing seems a little unorthodox you maybe following His example.

Invisible

2008-01-21T13:10:00.000-08:00

1Jo 4:12 No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

As we are now we can not see God as all of His powerful self. The bodies are not made for it. They can only see the proofs of Him.

Like seeing my area from a plane, I could see buildings and roads but the people were to small to be visible from that far away. Still, I could see the things they had made and know they had to be there.

What we can see is His love in what He has made. I think He is reflected in each of us by our loving care of each other.

I think, when we act lovingly, we are proof of His greater love and moving in His divine will. When I care and love any one here, I am loving and caring for the part of Him manifested here with me. His love made visible is each of us living and each of us loving.

No, I can not see God, but I can see the evidence of Him.

It's not me, it's Him

2008-01-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

The view from here sometimes seems to fade into the fog. I can say what I am doing and I can say what I believe but I can't seem to see what comes next. I would like to find a way that leads others to believe and have peace in their lives. Right now I am working blind.

It is so clear to me that where I am is where I should be. It seems clear that the only way here was the path I held to. Eeven the parts I didn't like have proved to have a loving reason behind them. While looking ahead to the wall of fog, I know it's been clear behind me.

Moving when you have no sure sight of where to put your feet slows you down to double check you know where you are going. I'm checking and I'm praying but sometimes it seems very quiet in the fog.

There have been tasks brought to me that I have done, even thinking I was crazy as I did them. I have a glimpse of a task ahead that sent me running back to prayer. He has to be kidding.

But God, I can't do that. My faith is too small and I don't have the authority. I don't have the power. In prayer I see the authority He grants us each is Love. The power is never ours that creates life or heals it, that is His. The task He entrusts to each of us is simply to love with Him.

To give our love where He leads us and to give help where it's asked. To do what we see is needed to show others that He loves us and them. To love being able to help them and to offer what we can see, in our love, needs to be done and do it, if we can. He doesn't ask that we be mind readers or even that we have great faith, only that we don't leave undone what we could have given a hand to when we see it.

Where we see a need we can't meet then it is time to go to Him and ask Him to put His love to the situation. The power is always His. The love is His. The decision is His. But we can always ask Him to see it our way and know His power can change it.

By what authority do we invoke His power. Who said you could change a life here, even by one hour or event?

When asked by Pharisees what authority He had he made them acknowledge they believed it came from a higher power. They said, "We don't know".

I think that the answer is the authority of Love the Power, that "I Am" we call God. I saw, I cared, I want to help. If I can I do and if I still care but can't help then I pray. It is the only answer I have.

I have seen prayer work in my life and the lives around me to often to deny the power of it. Where it seems I have a line in the sand I fear to step over is to pray for others in their presence and calling on Him to bring the comfort or blessing that I see they think they need.

What if it fails? What if I have overstepped what is my place with Him? What if I lead someone, not just wrong, but to walk away from Him? Why would I even want to do something like that? Pray where my words are heard by others?

I believe He hears me. I have seen it over and over again. I believe He lives and loves and yearns for joy in each life here. Why will I not risk my little faith in front of others?

I believe it is fear that stops me at this line. I am working it through with Him. Nothing happens that he can not control it's beginning and it's results. If, in love, we show we believe to another it is in His power to make it right. That is all the faith I have to have. That, when we call it "In His will and the name of " that He will control what happens next to bring glory to the Father.

There may be no reaction as I pray, there may be no event to point to and say - that happened next. It may seem I have failed to help them. I am only human, that is what I expect to happen if I am blessing them myself. Nothing.

If I bring them to Him they are now His and it is His joy to love them. As that person walks their days I believe He will touch them in a way only they can see. It may be only they will know the power that is His love has touched their life.

I see I have brought others to him, I see that I care for them as a human. They say there have been changes in them that are good. It is not me that changed them. It was only me showing them what I believe and sending them to Him.

There is one I have known I have a task to do with them. There is another now that I believe I am being asked to do another for. I have been afraid. If I fail, I don't just look crazy and perhaps lose their friendship, I may lose them for Him was my largest fear. Losing even one He brings me is not what I want to talk about with Him when I get there.

Now I see that can't happen. It is never wrong to love. It is never wrong to care. It is only wrong to do what we need for ourselves to be happy instead of what is right for them. Perhaps what is right for them is to show them I believe, not in me, not in them, but in Him.

What I feel is right may not look like the most loving thing to them but if it's right between me and God then I have to try.

I am still afraid but I think the fog is lifting.

Love calls to your heart

2008-01-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

Today has gone from grey to blue skies again and back to clouds blocking the sun. It's cold enough to frost your cheeks in the bit of wind there is blowing but it looked so warm when the sun was shining.

I'm feeling today a little drifty, like a balloon tied to a tree. I am tugging to go where the wind drives me but seem anchored in some way. I don't know if that is good or bad, it is just how I feel. It's like my heart is being called to be somewhere and my body can't make the trip.

It may just be what I think of as being called to prayer. I can send my love but "I" have to stay where I am.

So I think of each I love like flipping through the pages of a book. There in my mind I see the faces of the ones who may need extra love today. There is always one there, my heart opening to that page from going to it so often, but today there is another coming to mind along with it.

Now this one is not as close to me as some and I am a little surprised. But I call the name to Jesus and ask His love and mercy to cover them. Then the other comes to me stronger. I ask mercy for them, too.

If somewhere they have thought of me as one who loves them and might help I send my love in answer to them by prayer to God until I can go myself or they get in touch.

Our love binds us together invisibly, His love keeps the power in the the connections. When you get a love call to your heart how can you not answer?

I don't even know why I shared this. It's just how I am feeling; Like something is happening somewhere and all I can do is pray to show I care.

All for me?

2008-01-10T07:24:00.001-08:00

Today on my way to work the clouds had a brilliantly lit gap in them . The gray day was like the simple cloth laid behind a diamond to show it's perfection. The sun put a high gold edge of light on the open clouds that looked like the valley of the sun tucked between the cold mountain.

Yesterday there was a small gap in the morning gray that was pink and red and yellow. As I drove there came a beam of light through it. It swept from south to north like the guiding arm of a spotlight from an airport. It traveled like a search light and then flattened against the clouds and was gone again. Just a small bit of light still showed against the gray.

When I was in the south this year I walked out the door one night to see the gibbious moon balanced on the ridge to my right. The small hollow that it laid in shaped the light into a flow that ran down the ridge to the creek like a shining path in the dark.

I stood in darkness as a fold of the hill kept the light contained where I could see it but to stand in it I had to move. If I moved it would all change.

Then I realized I had to be in exactly that spot for the path of moonlight to appear before me. If I was shorter the moon would have appeared to be behind the ridge, not resting on it. If I was taller there would have been a gap. If I was not exactly as I was and where I was I would have seen and experienced something different.

That same moon that lit the road toward home for me that night and drew me to it, telling me I would be going home again was shining over my home that night. Uncounted other people that were out there in the dark were seeking answers to their heart's questions, trying to find their way, romancing, or just watching the moon out the window.

To each of them in their life on that night that moon would say just what the Creator wanted them to understand. For those that had eyes to see and sought the truth there would be an answer as direct as the one I saw for me.

Later I thought, "Don't shoot pool with God. He's got a devasting bank shot!" From one rock hung before a human touched the earth I saw he would know where I would stand and what place and built me just to see the beauty of the moon pouring it's light from the ridge.

Each one everywhere was fitting right where they should be in His plan and would find the truth of Him as he revealed it to them the way he showed He lives to me. He knew what size they were and how they saw the world and where they were standing as well as what they needed.

Then I said a prayer for all the ones I carry in my heart. As the moon went behind the ridge the light drew back from the creek. The road to home became filled with the last of the moon's light.

Why did it matter and why did I smile? Should I stay where I was or return to where I had been? That had been my prayer. For me, where I stood was in the dark but the way home, where the light was shining for me, called me to it. I would stop looking for work and go home.

I went back in and went to bed at peace in my heart that I knew some of the truth of what I had seen.

The other thought I have had about this you must each decide for yourselves. How much of the beauty I see each day did he put there just for me to enjoy? I think all of it.

I saw two eagles today perched together in a tree over the river. I slowed and tried to see if it was a pair or a parent and adolesent. Others drove right by it. They never saw the joy of bald eagles in the morning, resting together in the dead appearing tree against the grey sky over the cold river like I do. I saw the promise of crops starting well in the spring, enough game to support our wildlife, shade for summer and the wistful yearning to fly touched me again.

Perhaps they were there just for me to see and love seeing them. Anyone could share the gift of the view, but they would see it different. Those that saw just two big birds and a grim, cloudy day I can only pray He touches them. My view may be misty but I like the way I see it when I look through His love.

If my friend and I see a summer field of deer and flowers each of us will have our eyes drawn to just what please us. I may see the bluebells, mom would see the daisies, my friend would see the buck inspite of the fact he wore no antlers yet.

Perhaps the beauty is not just there for me to enjoy. It may be that it is there for me to love seeing the one way I see it and there for the way you see it, too, just your way. Still we can both feel He made it just what we love seeing for each of us.

How He makes one thing appear so different to each of us is amazing to me.

I am still alive

2008-01-08T01:19:00.000-08:00

What is my responsibility and what is the Creators? That is one of the questions I worked through between the second and the fourth days of the new year.

He gave me the answer before I asked the question. Tuesday morning I was given I John 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world.... by Strong's concordance overcome is prevail, subdue or get the victory. To me it means it becomes reality here inspite of anything we or the world think we can do to change it. It can not be changed if it is of God's will. Nothing has the power to modify it.

If it is of God nothing can stop any thing from happening. If it is of God nothing can defeat it. I met a man who tried to kill himself five times after his wife died and he finished his story by saying, "....but I keep getting sent back."

I have been helping a new friend out. I saw he was being called of God, in my understanding. I know it is not easy to get our attention. His was being almost forced to God as all there was left to him. I was trying to show that those of us that believe and care will be there for him, even beyond what "social rules" call right for new aquaintances.

He had three things he wanted and one was kept from him by finances. I offered to help. Your first clue is - I am a she, he is a he. The second is thatI had known him about an hour. I offered to try and cover his need.

None of us likes to feel obligated to another, especially a person we don't know well and, in my view, a man really doesn't like to let a woman lift him over the hump, they like to do that for us. Those of my age do, I think, anyway. I like it when they do that for me, too, but I learned they are just like us and sometimes need a hand up. But it was hard for him to accept help from a stranger, much less a woman. He had just been badly hurt by two others. Still, he has tried again.

Over the next two days we dickered. He has skills, I have a house full of repairable things I can't fix. He has money coming but not quickly enough to suit him. I had money now. I offered a short and small loan. He had to be places to get this done. I offered rides.

He saw no reason for me to do so much for him. We had no sparks between us, so to speak. We did like each other right away but it wasn't the partner kind of like. Why would I help him? He didn't want to be obligated but he wanted to get his life on track again. He decided to trust me not to turn it into an unwanted obligation. He saw I really wanted to help him. It really would be my pleasure.

I saw his scheduled plans, I saw how mine could help. I watched as God still kept him coming back to him. Things would get rescheduled, planned times were missed for fixing things and such that were out of our control.

The timing was not that man's, not mine, but still God's. He would get what he needed in God's time, not ours, no matter how much we wanted it differently. What is of God becomes real.

I was pondering my questions and fears of the future, or lack of it, as I saw it coming, on the fourth. I took the day off work because now the pain was bad in my chest just to get a cup of coffee from the counter to the table.

I called to talk that morning and see how this new friend was doing. That day he needed a ride for official paperwork. His other ride didn't see how important it was to him and had put it back to match their timing. I offered to take him and he accepted.

I thought I wasn't going to make it there. I got a pain when I sat in the truck. Then it passed and was totally gone. I went. It got his first goal accomplished. I loved seeing him smiling for a while. Even when he got it things conspired to keep him from using it yet. I saw there was a reason for it I could not understand.

As we had coffee afterward I realized I was in distress again. I was also sitting with the only friend I know that was carrying nitroglycerin pills. It was time for my decision.

I knew I had been sent back. I knew I was supposed to be here then. With no insurance it would take everything I had to do it now even if I lived. I might not.

I was looking at destitute again. I have been there before. My children would have no inheritance, I would have no home of my own.

My mate was on the other side, I liked that thought a lot. My dad, my brother and more of my family I loved were there, too. Jesus is at the gate for me, waiting. I will love being with Him again. I am not afraid to go back to God.

But there are those who I feel need me in their lives right now. This man I had only known a week was one of them. To show my faith I have to live what I believe. I had been doing that in little ways, I didn't know if I could do it in this big one. All I had? to live? Why not just let go and head for home?

Then the answer hit me. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world. What is of God prevails. If he wanted me here then here I would be in whatever circumstances come.

My only choice was how long I would deny what I could see He wanted from me. I had to chose to walk here in whatever way he wants, not mine. I had to really want what He wants for me. I could die with the nice pain medication in my system if that is what He planned. No hurt to me then. Or I could live. That really isn't up to me, that is up to Him.

What is my part in this if I am walking in His will? To show him my desires and needs so that He can meet them for me even though I see no way for them to become reality. I have to want something enough to pray for it. I have to love something and my people enough to care and bring them to him. I have to care, I have to love. I do.

His will in my life is that His power and Love show, not my love and power, His. Then, through me His love is shown to others, I think.

They can see He works in my life, they wonder if He can work in theirs and begin to see the miracles in our every day of life as He begins to be real to them. I am his demo human if I walk for Him. I like that.

Now I was going to need a miracle. Either he had to bring me through this to live and find a way to pay for it or comfort my family for me. That would take some doing, either way.

I saw He would get me to the hospital one way or the other. If I left where I was sitting I might crash the truck or hurt someone. I would end up in the hospital with more damage to me.

If I stayed where I sat and said nothing eventually I would keel over and they would call 911. It was going to hurt me. I don't like pain. I really don't like physical pain. I could see it would only get worse.

But there was relief for the pain available, if I would ask. My new friend had what I needed. Did I desire His will enough in my life to leave it all to Him? Did I want to live? Did I want to live, even broke and perhaps dependent on others for a place to be and food?

Well, NO! I like being independent. I love my family and my friends, though and I trust God to work it out for me. He does know what I need and what I only think is important. I know he loves me and wants only what is right for me in His loving plan.

I asked my friend for a pill and he looked at me funny but gave it. Then I asked for a ride to the hospital because I didn't think I could drive in. He was only a one week friend but he took me and stayed until my family could get there. He was considerate and caring and I would not have been able to show him better that there is a purpose, still, in his life. He had just saved mine, in a fashion. It was knowing him that got me the pill I needed to make it to treatment.

So I thank Jesus for the friend I thought I was helping but that I needed to survive. I think we will be friends a long time.

God and I have problems sometimes. I get human on him. They wouldn't send me in for the operation I knew I was going to need, they just wanted to "observe". I had taken the nitro and had nothing to show if I laid still and didn't move. I wasn't going to waste their time and the money I don't have. I signed myself out of ER after four or five hours. I got my next pain when I put on my shoes to leave. They couldn't see it on the moniter, no one would listen to my heart then, I was leaving. Idjits!

I got my own prescription for nitro and sis drove me home. I had a friend coming over to stay with me and sis was coming back. She no more than left than it all ripped lose again. Three nitro later I called 911. I knew the local ER's. They were fast.

I remembered later that someone had snow blowed my driveway the day before. I did not know who it was. Turns out it was my husband's ex wife's current husband. I would not have ever guessed it was them. It was not exactly a socially acceptable favor for him to do and she had said he could when he told her it looked bad here. She and I are friends but that is just a little strange, don't you think? They had never done that before.

You tell me why the ambulances didn't get stuck in my drive. I have not shoveled more than a path all year, I just drive through it. There was about eight to ten inches from wind in my drive the day it was plowed out. I can't explain it. You do it.

This time I got sent right on to the next hospital in the Big City. I just left it all with God. He would put me where He wanted me but I had done my part. I tried to get what I thought I needed to stay here. Here, or there with Him, I was good either way. As He leads I follow.

I am still here today. I am where he wants me to be. What is of God overcomes the world as we can see it and becomes real to us, I believe, even when you can't believe it.

I was told I was 99.9% blocked in what they call "the widow maker" or the death artery. They can't believe I had symtoms for only three days. I should not have been able to do anything without pain for weeks.

You tell me why that is. I can think it was a sudden blockage of something that broke loose. They say it was a build up. But I should have hurt or been slowed down for a long time according to the doctor's beliefs. I was not. Just Tueday all that saw me would have thought I was fine and dandy, I know, I asked. I thought maybe I didn't notice I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt - NOT! I was fine until the night of the second of January. That was the first pain I had.

Whatever the truth of how it happened I live now and they helped me get here. I am good to keep loving here. I am good with God. Thank you for that! Amen.

Again there will be changes I can't see yet because of this event. They are already calling for payment arrangements and appointments I don't want to go to. I am too tired to think about all that yet so I pray God will handle it and try to rest.

But my new friend has been over and I got to see all the family and most of my friends this week, or at least talk to them. There is love here for us together and we have the joy of it.

The one I wish to make peace with I may still have a chance to see. I would dearly love that things were right between us here even if we were not friends I would like to know what was wrong between us. I did not mean to do them a wrong, it seems I must have somehow. Down here that is what not speaking is supposed to mean. I choose to believe it just means they don't know yet what to say and pray they will be given the desire to heal the breech as I have.

I think my only real choice was - How bad did I want this to hurt? I could go where I was lead or I could wait to be dragged. What is of God's plan becomes reality here no matter how strange the rules of this world make it.

So love enough to pray and love the One that not only creates life but can give us His grace to make it a joy to live it again.

That is my only obligation here, not to pay the mortgage, not to meet my bills, I know He can do that for me. Who I owe it all to is the one who healed my heart and brought joy back to my days.

I can not repay Jesus so I show my thanks to Him by caring for those He loves. They are not obligated to me in anyway by the rules of this society. I am making payments of love to the One I can't repay. I invest in futures, not for me or for my benefit, but for His. He covers me in all ways. I do unto others as He brings them to me, in my love for Him.

That is so hard to share here where everything is measured. He gave all He had so I can live. I will give all I have to show I believe He cares for me. It's all I can do - keep saying and showing I believe He lives and I believe we don't die.

I know that I will get back there one day, glad to be there. I see it's not my time yet. I might mutter a quiet, "darn it" but I am smiling as I write this. I am still here in a body with a smile on it's face. There are hugs left in my arms yet. I share them where they are needed.

I am only here of His will today but I am glad to love with all of you while I am here. May your hearts and spirits be healed and your joy returned to you. May you gently learn that each love in your life a gift.

If you trust God the world can't hurt you - not one of them. I don't have to trust others not to hurt me. I trust God to keep me safe and functioning as He needs me to do each day. What is of God takes the victory over the rules of the world. No matter how you see it, He can show you how it really is is Him, if you let Him.

I don't worry about pay backs from the ones I help, He covers them. I keep seeing that, in my view, I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I feel lead to do because He knows I love doing it.

I love helping people and I love cheering them up. I love thinking I have helped someone who stands in a hard place get back to the top of things. I love writing and sharing it. I love singing and playing my guitar. I love feeling happy. I love showing my friends and family that they are important to me and loved, too.

I love being loved.

Today is all you have.

2008-01-03T07:24:00.000-08:00

I think I just learned I am content.

If it was your last day on earth what would you do? Most of you will have thought about it.

What if it was your last day on earth and you just did your regular, planned, stuff?

I thought about declaring a new holiday for mid January - I'm not Dead Day - but another blogger was complaining there were too many holidays from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day so I stopped short of lobbying for it.

Still - with what you have available and what is possible on your own - if you knew when you laid down tonight you would never get back up - what would you do?

My family and friends all know I love them and what I believe. I called a lot of them for the holiday. Animals are covered, bills and paperwork are current. Mom is good and Sis is there for her. I have traveled in the mountains, the plains and seen both oceans.

I have things planned this afternoon to help some friends and don't want to disappoint them. If I took off for a quick shot to Tennessee or some place they might not have what they need.

The boss was expecting me and the guys know if I am selling they are working. Mom forgot her mittens, I brought them in for her to pick up.

Later tonight I will have it all done, the money in the bank and the visits and errands done. I will go home. Back to the house I have been peaceful in for years I will do the chores and feed the animals. I can chose to write or read or sing and play guitar or just clean up and go to bed early.

If I was going to sleep tonight and knew I would not wake up here I would still know I had done what was right for me this day.

I go to bed knowing those I love know I love them, those I call friend knowing they are important to someone, that what I am responsible for I have done and enjoyed the doing.

I am content. I am fulfilled. It's a good life. It's not what I had but it is still mine to live and I am glad to do it.

I saw the eagle by the river today on the way in to work. I saw the deer in the fields as I went by, feeding in the snow. I saw the snow outlining the tree branches against the blue of the sky. I saw my Mom, I prayed for the rest. It's a good day - so far.

I have one friend I would like to make peace with. I have the bird feeders to fill. One I can still do today, the other I can not. I am content I tried to do what was right.

Each day I walk where I am lead the grace of God can bring me God's peace in life. I trust Him for that and do what is brought to me the best I can, content.

If I had just today to live I have been alive to it and I am glad to have had it. And if I wake up I have today again! No worries about tomorrow now. Today is where I live.

That blessing I am thankful for - knowing once again that life is good and I am content.

Phillipians 4: 4-9

I live because I am loved

2007-12-20T12:22:00.001-08:00

I want to tell you I only lived through the last two weekends to write the post below, and this one, because I have a friend that can, in some mysterious way, always lift my spirit. I have learned a few things that I think are important enough to share.

I wanted to quit smoking by Christmas as a gift to myself. It would have been a gift, too, for those in my family and my friends that don't smoke, at least that is what I thought.

It was not to be more socially acceptable, that doesn't even appeal to me, but to be more able to spend time with those I love with less stress on myself did. I hate having to miss something because I needed to have a smoke.

I tried the new medication that is supposed to help you stop smoking. My body was told it was getting no "feel good feeling" (first note) when it had a cigarette. The medication blocks those receptors in your brain. Unfortunately it got no "feel good feeling" from anything else I did, either.

I got depressed seriously on day four, the first day you take a second dose, upping the level of medication in your body. I didn't realize it was the medication.

I have had bad days on and off since the mate died and accepted them as grief. I have bad days that have nothing to do with the mate dying. I accept them as normal to life. We all have a bad day now and then.

This was really bad though and I called a friend for help with it. It was given. Our conversation made me feel better. (make a note of this)

I made it through the first weekend. I was busy with things going wrong during the week and thought that was why I wasn't pulling all the way out of the funk. Things were going wrong and it was almost Christmas, a funk is normal, then. That is what I told myself.

Only Saturday, the 15th, I was cleaning house and getting things in order. This is not me. I clean or I put things in order. I do them as rarely as possible because I like to have better things to do than clean or do books. I realized I was doing both and then I knew it was because I would be killing myself that night. That is not like me, either.

I have dealt with depression in my life. I have suceeded at suicide once. I will not be doing that again. Not because I believe it is a sin but because I was sent back and believe there is a reason I need to be here that goes beyond my ability to understand. Bad or good, my life and my self are needed here. I made it through losing the mate, I wasn't going to punk out for a black funk of depression I could see no reason for. But I knew right then I wouldn't see dawn.

I needed help. I called my friend again. I claimed another hard day. You don't really want to say the truth when what you feel is so bad you are ashamed of feeling it.

That blessed friend gave me no lecture, no faulting me for needing the same help again. They didn't say "Blow your head off then, I'm tired of dealing with this." They told me that when they feel their thoughts scattering and picking up bleak feelings that they focus on the good things they know, on a healing light from above.

Because those words showed me what I needed to do to get through one more day I could tell them how bad it had been for me - until their kind and caring words had lifted my spirit. (also note this.) Then I confessed why I had called.

They let me talk it out and then we ended our conversation. I made it through another night and researched it on the web the next day. I found it was not me - it was the medication - that was causing my problem.

I can't tell you where the joint is where my body and spirit are joined. I can tell you this - I know they both exist. There is a part of each of us that we can not see. It is real. It is part of "me".

My body was physically incapable of "feeling good". No matter what I did for it the brain said it was NOT feeling it and it was miserable enough to seek an end to it's existance. I know, I was there. Saying it was "not me" that wanted to die was true, it was my body that wanted to quit.

That inability to feel good physically had affected my spirit, but not as strongly. I feel the spirit of me felt badly because the body was having such a hard time. My spirit didn't want to give up. My spirit wanted to live. My spirit sent me seeking again a friend to help it win this one. On it's own it was going to lose.

My friend's words redirected my thoughts to the Holy Spirit. They lifted my spirit up and helped strengthen it. That let me reach out to where my spirit could find help. It was too weak from fighting the body's depression all week to reach out on it's own, at least it seems like that to me. I felt better when I got off the phone. (note again)

You may disbelieve this next, for me it is a truth. After we got off the phone I felt my friend's prayer for my spirit to be healed of this darkness actually touching "me". I felt their spirit lifting mine in prayer. I lived to see the next day because of a friend who did not judge me but offered me the best they knew to give.

A reverse on this is that I have seen that friend dealing with a rough go sometimes this year and been praying for them. I hope my prayer has ever done for them what the prayer they prayed did that day. I would like to think that even once I had lifted anyone's spirit like that.

Now let's add up the notes.

My body was told it was getting no "feel good feeling" (first note)
Our conversation made me feel better. (make a note of this)
their kind and caring words had lifted my spirit. (also note this.)
I felt better when I got off the phone. (note again)

My body could not feel better. If I was sunk in a hot tub with a virial male feeding me dark chocolate with a massage to follow it would not make the body feel better. My brain could not process the information to tell the body it felt better.

"I", in at least three places, state that I felt better or my spirit was lifted. "I" felt better.

The apparent conflict in those two paragraphs is really no conflict at all if you believe your body and your spirit, while they are joined, are two different things.

Two ways to perceive the world are available to us. We mostly only believe that the ones of the body are "real" perception. No one teaches us to use the abilities of our spirits.

I learned again that spirits are real. I learned another spirit can lift mine up. I learned that prayer is the way the spirits touch the Holy Spirit or God and that they can touch each other where ever they are on the planet.

I know things through my spirit when it may be only my body you see here. I knew these things once, when I was younger, but I forgot, I guess. I am going to work at not forgetting them again.

I learned that we do not walk alone here, ever, when there is even one who cares. If we do not die then I never walk alone or unloved - in spirit. That I may feel alone is only the body's way to see it. I know that there is always more than one way to see it. I need to see more with my spirit.

May God Bless all my friends the reached out to help me this week. I live because I am loved.

I live because He lives

2007-12-17T08:03:00.000-08:00

On my way to work today I was driving through a fog. I saw some beautiful scenes, magic fir trees, the sun on the fog lighting it unusual ways, the views were stunning.

I asked God, as I often do, to sing for me. I asked that it be in reference to something important to me. I reached for the radio and ran the volumn up just as the sun went orange-red and shot that light through the fog behind the branches of a small stand of trees on a hill.

I can't tell you the radio station, I can't tell you the exact time of day - what I am going to tell you is that the Creator lives and is with you and me still, right now today.

The music that came out of the radio was an instrumental part, I had some trouble catching the first few words and then the station came clear. I heard, "For God, love and rock and roll" jamming out of the radio.

As I sang along and cried at the same time I knew someone would say that what happened is just coincidence - you will never prove it to me.

I needed to remember the joy of loving and living is ours as a gift. I needed to remember to say thank you again for all I have been given. But most of all I needed to know that there is always one who loves us, even if He is invisible from here. That gift was given to me again this morning.

And if God lives, then Jesus lives and my mate lives and I will not die either. Neither will you.

I was talking to my mother and she said, "I didn't even expect you to stay here after your mate died, much less that you would love again."

I had to tell her, "I couldn't have lived if the mate died, Mom. I live because he lives."

Jesus gave us that gift by not being dead for forty days to show us He told us the truth.

God loves us - we do not die. Why do those that say they believe in Him still think that we will?

Grief of separation is real. It hurts. It is a pain that can be gotten over if we believe we will catch up with them later. It is only for a little while and we will be with all those we love in a way we couldn't be here.

Thinking you will never see one you love ever again or that you go alone into that mystery that is death of the body is a terrible way to feel, at least, to me. I wish I could lift that fear and hurt from any one that thinks it is a truth.

I can't see anyway to change anyone's mind or heart about it except to live what I believe. To show people there is joy and love in life to be grown and nourished still as a treasure for those coming behind me.

To show the kids that to live is to love and to be glad for all the love in our lives I can't just say words. I have to stay here to show that is what I believe. I love them, until He calls me home, I'm staying here to love with them as long as I am allowed.

I live. I seek to give and recieve love. I have fun and joy in my days. Some will think I must be nuts or that I didn't love my partner the way they thought I did. They are wrong.

I just don't believe that loving stops because the one you loved with is not here in our way of seeing "here". I believe all that love me are alive and love me still. They know that I will be there with them, later.

I believe you do not die. I believe you change. I believe you will find this truth yourself when it is your time to pass through the veil of life here to life there.

I believe love is the purpose of life. Living it lovingly and joyfully and helping others do the same is working with the living God of Love. I say, "may your kingdom come," and add "soon" as I see the sad, hurt world around me.

I do what I can to be more loving and caring, as He leads me. He will take care of the rest of it His way. I don't know the plan but I know I will be around to see the end of the story. I believe you can all see it with me.

Heart aches from caring

2007-12-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

He sees the truth of you. The truth is that you care and you love. You care enough to do things for others no one else sees any reason to attempt. To you they are important enough to give your time here to them.

Helping those that feel they are not worth your time is the truth of you. By showing others they are worth your time and care you are showing them they are loved. Caring enough to try to ease their hurts may seem to drive you.

It is what drives Jesus. He cares for each of us as if we were His only and best friend.

You are His in a way that no one can be unless they have yearned to help someone only to have their help rejected.

You learn that you can have the cure, the fix, the money and know it. You have just what they need at hand. But you can only offer. You can offer over and over again - but they have to accept it.

Until you are rejected that way you can not know how He aches to bring each of us peace and healing. How it hurts Him to see us go on our way in pain when He can heal it - if we let Him. If we would only accept it from Him.

Only those that have had their help rejected can understand even a little of how He aches for each one He loves here.

You are precious to Him as your caring, loving self. That is what He wants one like you for. He knows you are that self - still, now, already, have always been - loving, caring, joyful and alive.

The anger and shame and hurt you bear here is only what you see and experience without Him to be the transforming crystal of your view. He can change it, your whole life can be right in His love.

Let Him show you the self you are through the eyes of His love. He can show you. Can you accept His view of you?

Ask Him to help you see your true self.

Will you remember yourself as a loving, caring, smiling, joyful child with no idea of wrong or evil? Will you remember what you were created to be? I believe, in His eyes, that is how He has and will always see you; Perfectly made in His image.

He cared enough to ask God to change His plans for us. Change illness to a life of health; Change death to more time to live here and then to remove death completely, to give us life forever.

Then He came back to show us we would always live.

I think He never wanted to be parted from those that he loved, either.

You are one of them.

New ideas

2007-12-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about people not believing someone when they hear something that is a little out of the ordinary. They seem to just disbelieve by habit, for no good reason or with no real thought given to their position.

A woman I met told me that she and her sister hit the ice and headed for a sign at a fork in the road. She had no control over the car, she said. They both started to freak out. Next thing they knew they were right where they were supposed to be going down the road. There were two of them that experienced this. She said "I looked to see that she was okay and we both said, "I can't believe it!" They had believed they were going to crash and die.

They really had to believe because they had not crashed, they never even got hurt. Try as she could, the woman said, there was no sequence of memory from the sign being right there and then the clear road being in front of them. Her next thought was "Nobody is going to believe this." That was probably true. But why?

It's not always the contrary or negative in people when they don't believe what they hear. I see it as the way most people think. If there is nothing in their past experience to refer to they flip right to disbelief.

They have no personal knowledge of what you have shared. They never heard it before from anyone else. "I never heard of that" then seems to equal "that can't be true".

They skip research or askng for more details. It doesn't matter who is saying it to them. Trust doesn't come into it. They may trust you but if they decide you have wrong information - and it must be if they never heard of it - they plain just can't believe it.

It was totally new to them. Depending on their age and mind set, they may have trouble dealing with a new idea or thought. They want it all to fit in where their life has showed them it goes.

If they have to trust another person or their past experience what are they going to trust? That's right, they trust their own judgement.

It's all they can do in a world that keeps telling them to trust others will hurt them. They judge they can't believe it rather than explore it more.

It's not wrong to do that, it just makes it hard to share a new experience or idea with someone when they react like that.

Luke 5
37 And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish.

38 But new wine must be put into new bottles; and both are preserved.

39 No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for he saith, The old is better.

The new idea of Christ - that the love and grace of God was ours again if we only believed in His son - was hard for those who had lived so long under the law given to Moses. Some of them just couldn't believe it. Some of them didn't want to.

They were used to the law and it's ways and they didn't want to change; Especially those who made a living from it.

Those who felt the power of God's grace in their lives tried to share it with all they met. Some could accept the new idea and some couldn't. They kept trying to share it. It was real to them.

Matthew 13:33 - Another parable spake he unto them; The kingdom of heaven is like unto leaven, which a woman took, and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened.

Leaven is yeast or sour dough starter. You take a little bit and add it to what seems like a lot of flour and other things for bread. That little bit will make the whole thing rise up and out of the bowl if you don't use a large enough one.

The few people Jesus started with, in one little town, with the stories of his family and the belief of his cousin John, has grown to be what we know as Christianity all over the world. I think they were the "little leaven" and the "new wine". It grew, like a little yeast and now it has aged, like a fine wine, which gives it more credibility, not less, at least to my mind.

He said if you don't believe what I say then believe what you have seen me do. We have not seen the healing, the walking on water and the mysterious escapes written about. Or have we?

Almost every person I talk to has a story that they don't even know if they should believe. It's too far outside "real life" and most are shy of sharing it with others. Like me, they don't want to be seen as crazy or get laughed at. But we believe it and keep it to ourselves. To share a new experience or idea with others seems like a risk.

To share a new way of seeing God - what kind of risk was that? To say the law was repealed and we could be forgiven by just believing in Jesus was a hard new belief to share. It cost Jesus his life here as a person in a body, pain and shame and death. What does that show us of how much he loves us?

Sickness was lifted from just people, not kings, not rich men alone, but from those who came to him and asked, he cured, asking only for their love and trust in Him. He showed the power behind His belief to them so they could see it was real and then they could believe.

He healed things we still can't heal today. Limbs were made whole, the dead were brought back to life, whole and well again. Why? Was God wrong to let them die? Does God make mistakes? Why would He change His mind or His actions?

Was it only because it hurt Jesus' so much to see the pain in each heart? Is that why He could heal? His heart hurt for us in love and God didn't like the pain it caused in one He loved?

Those that were healed or raised from the dead by Jesus still went on to die later, in the way of humans. Did the fact that they were healed by Jesus really change anything down here?

Yes. They saw it could be done. They saw the love of God change their bodies and their lives. They told others about it. It was reported by more than one person. It was seen by hundreds. It was written down for us. The story of the one who loves all of us and lives to care today still touches hearts in mysterious ways. I think it was the yeast of the truth that God loves us.

Is that why we care for each other in love? Because we are made in His image? Our pain at another's pain shows it to God as our love for them. I think He helps them so that His power of love shows. They see we believe, they see what happened their way. Maybe then they come to believe in Him, too.

It also eases the pain in our hearts to see them have what they feel they need. He shows us that He cares how we feel. In His love He can lift that hurt from us. We were not built to hurt but to feel joy and love with Him.

We can not heal each other's hearts of the real pain in them. Only He can do that. You can tell them how it felt to you, you can show them the things you think were real to you but they have to reach to Him themselves.

He has to show them His reality in a way they will believe. Because we all see it differently that just amazes me. He shows He lives to all that come to Him and ask, "Help me believe."

Again, this is all in my own opinion and just one way to see it. Thanks really have to go to a friend for the good think I got from a story shared with me. This isn't what was shared but it is what I got out of it. I love my twisty mind!

Be Honest with me

2007-12-07T00:51:00.000-08:00

I wrote about lies recently. I was talking to someone when she said, "I finally told them how it really made me feel." I got to thinking about that and about how I seem to lie sometimes by what I don't do or say.

If we go to everyone but the one that we think is hurting us and say we are hurt by them, telling others what a hurtful thing the other person did, what are we showing the third person about ourselves? What have we told them about a friend?

It wasn't a very pretty thought but I seem to do it easily. It's much easier to go to an uninvolved person and say you are upset than it is to say some things to those we love if we think it might hurt them - or hurt us to say it.

But have we hurt that friendship by not giving it all the truth as we see it? By not saying. "you have upset me", have I created a weak place between us; like thin ice under thick snow? You are not going to see it until it gives way under you. Did trying to not hurt you by not saying how I really felt create a flaw between us?

What good is done by holding a hurt inside ourselves that we feel was given to us by another? "I didn't want to hurt them", seems like a good reason to keep it to ourselves. But that hurt grows inside us and we add more as they come along. When the whole thing blows up on us we wonder what went wrong.

Was it that someone we spoke to told our friend we were upset? Were they hurt that we were afraid to tell them there was a problem? They can't bring it to us or they betray the one that told them.

My, that got complicated. But that is the way it seems it goes. One little bit of dishonesty just grows and becomes a wedge in between us. Then we end up short a good friend.

Maybe it doesn't get said to anyone. We just hold that small hurt to ourselves. It seems we always wonder then why the other person can't see we have a problem. They are supposed to notice we are upset - but NOT telling them - about it. Then we hurt more because they don't notice we hurt and that hurt grows inside us. Don't they care?

We start seeing the other as uncaring and unloving when they just can't read minds! They may not be able to see the subtle clues that say we have a problem. They may see them but because we have said nothing they think it's just work or stress from something else. They might even try to be nicer to us not knowing we are upset with them.

It's not easy to say to a friend, "that hurts me". They may not understand why it does but if you don't tell them they can't help you see all the way around the hurt to understand it.

If you are willing to see it from their side you might find out that not only did they not mean to hurt you but there isn't any problem because you see why they did or said what they did. It doesn't hurt when you understand it, at least, I don't think it hurts as much.

I learn you were disappointed in me because I left without saying good bye - because you told me - I can say I looked for you but couldn't find you, I'm sorry. Then you can remember you were in the bathroom and go -"Oh, darn, it was just timing!"

You know I didn't do it to hurt you. I couldn't tell you I cared enough to look for you if you didn't tell me it bothered you. It really was just the timing of your need to go and mine...so to speak. No harm meant on either side.

Maybe I had the thought you were avoiding me. If I didn't tell you I felt like that I might go on thinking you were upset with me for days. I was thinking you were mad about something and you were just in the bathroom at the time.

It can go either way in any situation. To keep the love between us always working for us we have to trust each other enough to be honest. We have to know that, in our love for each other, we will both try to understand how the other sees it.

You might hurt me saying something to me but I can deal with pain. At my age I have gotten kind of used to screwing up things in life.

What I can't bear is the thought I did something that would make you not be my friend. Please bring it to me so we can look at it together and see if it can be fixed. Maybe you can see it differently or maybe I can do it different next time.

But if we never tell each other of it then it just hurts the "us" of our friendship invisibly. It's one more reason I see to believe that because something is invisible does not mean it is not "real".

Of course this is only the way I see it. You may see it another way.

See me later

2007-12-06T03:59:00.000-08:00

I love my friend. I cheered her up on a bad day. She called a friend to tell them she is feeling better and listens to their day. She makes them feel better about it by listening lovingly.

She would not have called if she was feeling badly herself. My love for her and my help in lifting her spirits let her lovingly listen and care about another. Her friend was encouraged and cheered up. She was better able to love her family because she was lifted up.

Cheered up, lifted their spirit. Loved. Connections. Who is to say how far the love you shared with one person will reach? I think Love connects us to others who love others into infinity.

I believe death, dying and dead are the wrong words for the events described. I think words of change like transmogrification, transmogrifing and transmogrified seem more correct to me. It is a process of change. You are not deleted, you are just different than what we know here.

Change can cause a fear reaction. Fear is normal when you face the unknown or strange. To think you will be "not" or that you will only be "gone" and your body food for worms makes some people afraid. As you come to know that when you shed this flesh you will be your perfect self; your perfect spirit, still aware, living and loving, you are not afraid.

We identify parts of the planet as ours, home, school, work, vacation spots are all places we went once as strangers but over time became familiar and safe. A new place always feels different than what we are used to but we are not afraid of trying to enjoy our days there. It's just new and different experiences.

That is what I believe happens when you no longer are linked to your body. You go to a new environment but still yourself. You will have new and different things to learn and do, new people to meet and love as well as the ones you already love who went before you.

From Johin 14: And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, you may be also. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. At that day you will know that I am in my Father and you in me, and I in you.

From Johin 16:22, I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man can take from you.

From the Strong's concordence all the words for you, me, I and my are just what they mean. The self that was Jesus will meet us. Each spirit and soul is part of God and each of us is on our own path back to God.

This year, each day, I will try to think of myself as a loving and perfect spirit first alive in the gift He gave me of a body second.

Lies

2007-12-06T03:58:00.000-08:00

It seemed like I had not been able to lie for almost a year now. I couldn't even exagerate a story to make it more exciting in the telling. Now I have done it, in what may be seen as small ways, more than one time in the last week. One was to make me look industrious instead of just wasting time and yesterday I defended a past action with a lie about how it happened. I gave me an excuse to screw up and really I just screwed up, no excuse.

One was to make me look good to another and two were to keep me from a percieved embarrassment or punishment. Those are pretty common reasons to lie. I'm feeling pretty low.

I don't like lying to others or myself anymore. I didn't want to confess. That has it's own punishment in it. Someone that believed you learns they were not observant enough to see the lie you told. Sometimes I think that hurts worse than that you lose a little of your trust toward one that lied to you. You don't like thinking you were lied to by one you trust.

But the act of confessing and apologizing tells them you care enough for a right and honest relationship with them that you would not have a lie between you. That care you show by confessing starts mending the breach the lie created between you. I think so, anyway. I still didn't want to tell the ones I lied to what I did.

I struggled to see those, small lies as important enough to correct. He brought it to me in several different ways. Mostly that it is nagging at my mind and I can't let go of it. It has been eating at me. Maybe feeding off me is more like it. The bad feeling seems to grow the more I think about them. I can't seem to ignore them any more. To stop it I had to correct it the best I could.

The other thing I see is if those two instances were so hard to make right for me how hard is it for others to correct these things? We don't teach it in school. We barely teach it in church. By confessing to these others I was showing them it could be done and how I did it.

Maybe they would do better one day than I did confessing or not lying again, seeing how hard the repair of one is. That would be even better. I hope something good comes out of it. I have let the one fester for a week. There have been a variety of valid reasons but it is still bothering me. It feels like the only thing coming out of it right now is a poison of shame that I did it.

I think the main thought I found in prayer is that if I am His I want to reflect his love in all I do. I have to tell the truth no matter how it seems like it will affect me. Love is Truth, to me.

I have to give him my fears. I have to trust his love to lead me safely. I try to do things His way.

His love is truth in a way the words can't express. If I send out untruth in the world I am not reflecting His love but my fear. That is not what I want to put into my life or any other.

By telling a lie I am putting out, what I call "not love" into the world around me. I can try to mend it by confessing and apologizing but the harm is only patched not whole again unless He mends it for me when I give it to Him. I don't want to be ashamed of my behavior in front of Him again. I can see the learnings in this but I don't have to like them. I like it that He cares enough to teach me but I hope I am getting quicker so I don't have to do so many repeats.

I want to be truthful in all things here. He shows me I am still learning. I can only say what the truth is as I see it and try to remember I can't see very far at all. It's a misty and limited view.

The nephew and I went over this not long ago. I hit a deer with my truck. The fenders and hood have been replaced but not painted. It was parked back end toward us.

That nephew and I would have said it was white, but the one coming in from hunting would have seen just the front coming in and wondered who was there until he got up beside it.

He saw two colors on it then and said so when asked twice. It had always been "Aunt's white truck" so the first time he said "I see a white truck is here." I said, what color? He answered, "White and brown." That was the truth he saw when he came around the corner.

Someone under five feet tall standing directly in front of my truck is going to see it as brown. They will swear to it. It is the truth for them. Another person, five and a half feet tall, standing a few feet behind my truck is going to swear it is white. It is the truth for them.

If I happen to be there for this I can clear it up because I know all of my truck, from the dings to the hitch in the hood latch. I can tell them they are both partly right and partly wrong.

If they just stand there and debate it nothing is going to stop the conflict. They are both telling the truth as they see it. Neither one will back down on what they know is their truth.

For the debate to end one of them only has to move a few feet left or right to see all of the truck and "discover" the truth. One might say, "come over here and look", but that only works if the other is willing to move. There has to be a change in perspective for at least one of them for them both to see the truth.

Nothing changes until something moves. Either one of them has to move, I have to come join them and tell them what I know or the truck has to move.

The truth is there was nothing to debate. They were both right and they were both wrong. It is a two color truck. Where they stood they couldn't see all of it. The way they were built didn't let them see all of it.

They were not stupid, stubborn or insane, as they might have called each other. They just believed that what they saw of the truck was the same all the way around it. It's a pretty common mistake. We call it making an assumption and use it to jump to conclusions.

That is what I see as a problem in saying what is truth for me and holding to it so hard that I won't listen to another person's perspective. If I try to understand how they see it then I am trying to change my perspective. I may learn more of the whole truth if I am just willing to move what I believe to one side and try and see it from where they are standing.

If I just say "this is the truth I see so it must be true for everyone" I am forgetting I am too small to see all of what I am looking at. I forget I am not standing where they are. I forget I am not built like they are. They may see more than me.

By not being willing to consider others may be right, too, we lock ourselves up from finding there is more to the truth we saw than we could see alone. I only have one way to see things unless I look at it with others who are different from me.

Our two parts of a truth might just be small parts of a larger truth and by sharing them with open minds we find there is more than one way to see it.

But I know if I have told a lie when I know the truth I will have the truth trying to get out of me and I don't like trying to hold it inside. I may protect myself from punishment or someone thinking poorly of me but I will hurt myself by it.

I would rather be thumped and get it over with than have it nibble at all of my days. How can I say any truth with a lie standing there in my way?

One more to go and then I can feel right inside again. I should be able to fix it tonight. I got the cell phone fixed and that was the only way to get ahold of my friend. I didn't want them think I was just sitting here wasting time. It was such a pointless lie. I was shamed when I said it. Now I have to try and fix it.

I just realized I used to feel like this as a child when I told a lie. It may be Him letting me "off the leash" to see how I walk alone. Thanks to Him for the thought that my spirit is tender again, not the hard and dark thing it was not long ago that lied without even thinking first to those I judged unimportant to my life. I was honest, but only with those I loved.

I don't know that I can walk without being dishonest all the time here. It's a challenge to even think about it. I'm thinking. I'm praying.

What is your view? Click on "comments" below and you can tell me. Don't use real names on the net please. Leave a nick name in your post for me. I will figure it out.

I love my truck

2007-12-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

Friday I was just a few blocks from work and was congratulating myself on being a good driver in the snow. All the big hills and bridges were behind me. I hadn't missed a stop or a corner. I had the easy part of the drive left.

I was on a straight, flat stretch, when I started feeling sassy. I don't really know what I hit, a bump in the road or a slick spot; away I went! I knew I had too light a back end, I hadn't loaded up for winter yet crossed my mind. I went a over t, and backwards, then slide side ways across the road.

I put in the clutch and let her slide until I hit grass then touched the wheel and the brake to send her off the road before we got to the telephone pole. I landed wrong way around in the corn field but I was feeling back under control, still right side up, and the truck and I were both ok.

I tried to rock her a little thinking I could drive back up the slope. Nope. I quit. I sat there and laughed out loud at myself and was glad I had landed so well.

Then I saw another truck hit the same spot and start sliding right at me. I stopped finding it amusing. At least I knew it was the road and not my driving. I held my breath until he got his big truck straightened out and didn't come down to join me. He made it.

I had the cell. I was ok, just stuck. No one was at the shop that could tow me out so I set up a ride. I tried rocking her again and got going a little but the corn was too slick for much traction and the ground was just wet, not really frozen.

Then it seemed I was getting up a little speed so I aimed up the bank. It was just too slick with no weight. There I sat.

A nice boy who had been out hunting turned around and broke out the tow strap. As we were getting ready to try it my friend from the shop showed up and stopped traffic for us. The hunter in his big truck eased me right up the hill. I thanked him and wished him hunting luck. We shook hands good bye and I went on to work. He went back the way he came.

Life is like that sometimes. Cruising along, feeling good and then the surprise - whack! You just get that thing under control and another one comes right at you. Someone sees your plight and cares enough to turn around and come back to give a hand. We get by taking care of each other.

I thought of all the friends I could have called if I was in a spot near them and I felt blessed again that I have them. The family is on that list, too. That a stranger took the time to help is just the way it worked out. That made me glad that there are still caring people in the world.

Now or Forever?

2007-11-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

I got a thought from a line in a book and have been running wild on it.

If we don't die, just shed the body; and, as I believe, there is no time there; then is what we experience not what we call "death" but just a mass and perception change?

Then we see us as we really are in the light of His power of loving truth. We see Love for the Power that it is, the power of life, and that there is a Loving Creator when we are changed to perceive it.

IF we know this then what part of us is most important to develop and protect? (yup, not the body, not the mind - only the loving spirit).

What matter then if we have a flawed body or a bad physical habit? If we can learn to see each one as a loving spirit in eternity with us those things really shouldn't matter. What matters is we get stuck thinking this is all there is and these bodies all the life we will ever experience.

We carry the things of this life in our spirits and they hurt us. A heroin addict is not an less of a loving spirit - it is a body with a spirit that hurts. We try to ease the pain by numbing or stimulating the body and it is love we all need - for ourselves, for and from others - as we walk down here. We can't see how to do it, they don't teach it in school.

If we live eternally and it is a truth - aren't we in eternity now? But in this body we can't percieve it. There is a time and mass differential we are not equiped to experience from this place.

But if this is a part of eternity our loved ones really are with us. We are all in the same time, we just can't see it. We have to believe it. Like crystals show the truth of sunlight, that it contains the whole spectrum of colors, but the sun light looks yellow or white to us. Unless we look at it through a crystal we can't see the rainbow - our eyes aren't built to see it that way here. We needed an tool, an adapter, a transformer to see the truth in the light.

Was Jesus, like a crystal, the one to show us the truth in the living love of a creator? The time change and the mass change were in His power to show us that they don't affect what we are?

If this is a part of my eternity I want it to be something I can enjoy thinking of for a long time. It changes the way you do things when you see it may be with you not just now, but forever.

There is One to heal the hurts we have gotten from forgetting where we came from and are going, One to show us the way home and restore our joy to us so there is no fear in going - what a gift. To give his own time to come back from a perfect place to this one to show us we live.

Love is in everything

2007-11-29T05:22:00.000-08:00

A tree outside my window shades my home from the sun. Bark, leaves, roots and sap, home to birds and squirrels, bugs and food for the same, it's leaves fall and nourish the soil then bloom again to shade my home in the summer creating a cool haven for me.

I see the wood of a tree in the boards of my home. They do not look like the tree and they are not alive to my eyes but I see the body of the tree in them, the years that it lived and grew and was nourished by the sun and the rain and the soil.

I see the men who cut the tree and shaped the wood and built a barn. I see the care that they took to plane the boards and smooth the edges.

I see the barn, new and strong, sheltering animals and grain and tools from the rain and the sun that used to nourish the tree. I feel the years of the barn as it falls into disrepair and neglect. The men who built it passed on and then another man or woman - seeing the beauty and strength still in the boards - taking apart the barn, so lovingly built but now fallen, and cutting the boards to grace the walls of their home.

It is all of love and from the creator.

In a vase of clay with glazes of minerals I see the hands that cleaned and shaped the clay, ground and applied the glaze, fired the results and put it out into the world where I found it. I had it and loved it for years, not knowing that the love in that vase would speak to me of the Creator's love for me one day.

The curtains on my window are of fibers grown in the sun and the rain, collected, processed and woven by other hands, dyed with the colors of nature, sewed to earn a living for a family by hands I have never seen They are from my creator to me with love.

The glass on top of my table from the sand created by unknown years of rocks and the oceans was heated and shaped by humans I never knew. It speaks to me of his love for me and of the oceans shore.

The mirror with the silver back reflects my mother’s love as it was a gift to me from her and shows me the beauty of creation and the love in each thing around me.

The brass in the candlesticks that came out of the earth and was refined and shaped by humans to be bells on one end and light my way on the other. A joyful noise and a light unto my feet from him to me, thank you.

There is nothing in my life that was not first created and given to all of us by the love the Creator has for us. In our love of creating we continue to express his love for ourselves and each other.

One loves to work with wood, another with clay, another with weaving, but they do what they love and put their love into each piece. Even in a sweat shop the person sewing is doing the work for love of themselves or their families.

It was all put here for us to use. It all carries the love of the creator for us. The geodes, "ugly" rocks on the outside but filled with crystal beauty, remind me we are not as we appear to be. - we are so much more than what we appear to be here.

The beans in the coffee, grown and ripened in the sun and the rain he sends, picked by other hands, packaged, cleaned, ground and sent to me to enjoy from half a world away are a gift of his love.

The food we consume so carelessly was nourished and grown for our bodies benefit, sometimes oceans away, cared for and picked, packaged and transported by others we never see.

The animals we killed to eat are loving spirits now, the plants we eat are loving spirits now. The tree that holds the plate of clay and the glass of sand and the tools of metal are all from him and provided by his loving creation of all that we need.

I see all that is around me was created by Him for us before we ever thought to bind the first stick to the first rock and now we have people living in space. All done with what was here before we even knew it was useful to us. What use is mud or ground up rock? Yet I have a beautiful vase. So I tried to write a prayer for the meal I was sitting to eat alone that said all these things.

Creator,
This time together with You and those we love is such a blessing to us, thank you.
Please bless this meal with your presence now.
Thank you for this place you have given us to enjoy it in.

On all those that provided this food with their labor and love, we ask your blessings.
Please bless the hands that prepared it for us and those that will clean up.
May it bring health to our bodies so we have the strength to do as you wish today.

Please bless all those in need of food and shelter today with your bounty.
Thank you for loving us so much and providing for our needs.
For all that you have given us we are grateful to You.
Amen.

Windy thoughts

2007-11-29T05:13:00.000-08:00

God is the wind
God is the branch
shaking in the wind

God is the bird
sheltering behind the branch
shaking in the wind

God is watching the bird
on the branch in the wind
through my eyes.

I am the soul
sheltered by His spirit
alive in the body given me.

His love is the light
shining through the wind
reflecting to my eyes all I see.

All I see is good. All he sees is good.
All he touches is good
He touches all.

I can not see, beneath the snow
and the frozen ground,
with brown grass below

into the dark of the earth
where the bulb
with green arms reaches up to me.

I wait for spring
the time of bulbs touching
the light again.

He sees it all and all is good
I know his love
and mine are one.

2/22/07

He showed me

2007-11-28T14:49:00.000-08:00

The love that he gives me flows through me to those I meet.
Golden, always moving, round and sweet,
warm with peace and joy in my self and His self as we meet.

Be just what you are,
that is your truth,
your witness and your freedom.

I am that I am, he cried.
I am that I am, we echo back.
Are we many or only one talking to ourself?

Does it matter?
No.
I am. I was. I will be.

He Is.

I can not die,
I can only leave behind
my body as I go on to live

as my true self.
My spirit.
My perfect, loving spirit

Full of joy,
contentment divine
wonderment, magic and music.

It's not that we don't honor
the sacrifice of Jesus,
it's that we miss the message.

And I give unto them eternal life;
and they shall never perish,
neither shall any pluck them out of my hand.

We live forever.
Then He came back
to show us.

From 2/19/07 just tidied up a little.

Love the Power

2007-11-28T14:26:00.000-08:00

Generators. They create power we call electricity to cause a filiment to give off light. One generator will run more than one light. A big generator will run more lights than a small one. They use fuel to create this power.

Our spirits are like generators. They create this power I know no other word for but Love. It can light the way for other less aware spirits and show them how to receive and give Love. One spirit can power more than one love as one generator can run more than one light.

The main generator powers us all. The main generator is ours to use at any time we need it. The fuel that creates this power is LOVE.

When you have only one generator you have to choose carefully what to hook into it. If you hook up too many things none of them will get enough power. I think this is the limit of human physical love.

We can only send out so much love without feeling the need to get some Love back into it's own system to power it. It is why humans search for a way to recieve and give love to each other in a physical way. Without the love of the spirit in each of them it's the only way they know to create love for themselves.

Divine Love, the Love of God, has no limit. When your spirit is powered by God's love you have an endless supply to share. Physical love is so enhanced by Spiritual love that it becomes a way to generate more love, not just a way to seek physical release.

The Spiritual Love, the love our spirits have and give and show for each other, has no limit because our spirits draw power from the endless supply of the Divine Love God gives us. When we love with our perfect spirit, given to us to use from God, our love has no limits. We can use our spiritual love to power many other spirits as they seek the light of Love and seek to connect to the Divine Love of God.

Each spirit here is on the path back to the God that created it. The power to create the light to see the correct path is LOVE.

When you hook two small generators together they can power more things. Refridgerators, furnaces, and lights will all run from several small generators hooked together or in parallel to each other. This means they are creating the same kind of power and sending it to the same places together.

When two spirits join to create love more light shines on the path they travel and lights the path for others. By gathering together and dedicating the love you are creating at that gathering to the Divine Love to use as it chooses you are creating more love, giving more love for others to draw on when they have need of it and learning more of the Divine Love.

God Loves your perfect spirit. God loves you as you are right now this minute. God's Divine Love needed you to be just the way you are doing what you are doing for a purpose you many never know. If you are generating true love from your spirit you are doing what you were put here to do. Those with a need for love will be drawn to you. Those with love to share will be drawn to you. He guides us all.

When you reach out to the Divine Love in truth and dedicate yourself to giving it away everywhere it is needed then you are becoming aware of what God does for you. God loves you with every bit of His spirit. It is a love that wants only the best for your spirit.

To bring each soul to the place it reaches for a direct connection to the Divine Love of God is the path formed exactly for each of us. Some paths may seem happy and gay and others overly dark and dreary. It is not up to us what path others must walk to reach the Divine Love. What is up to us is the love we shine on their path to help them see the way they are going.

The Divine Love gathers up each of us as a treasure precious beyond explaination. It holds us dear and worth even its very self being sacrificed to show us that path is worthy of every pain and every hurt that it took for us to reach for the peace of the Divine Love it offers us.

In the dark and lonly hours of waiting alone as another suffers, in the pain of heart break and in the loss of a love dear to us lies our path to God. These are the times our spirit will finally see that we alone here on earth can do nothing for anyone we love. What we can do is call on the Divine Power of Love FOR them in their time of need, that they may find the path back to the peace that is theirs if only they will reach for it.

This is when we reach for each other, for those who love us here, for comfort, for support, for just being with us because they love us. It is more than just the words "support network". It is the Love that we have to draw on when we need it.

That is why a child cries when it has a need. Humans have such limited spirits normally that they do not know when someone hurts unless they say so. A child cries for someone to help it past the hurt or out of the hurt. Another comes when it crys out to see what is wrong and fix it. If there is no cry, no need is seen and the hurt continues.

It's why we have to say to another, "This hurts me." To seek help from those who love us we have to tell them we have a need.

We are drawn to seek the Divine Love when we have such a hurt of spirit that no other love can help us. We reach for the power of the Divine Love, even those who don't believe, when we hit such a dark spot that we know that is all there is that can help us, God.

Love the Divine Love with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your spirit. Let the power of that love reach through you to light the way for others by showing them the love in you. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love yourself. You are part of, created by and powered by the Divine Love's spirit. It truely is within you.

The image of God we are created perfectly in is our spirit. Each of us has a perfect spirit. Every single living thing is part of the spirit of Divine Love.

This is what we are here to do. Love one another. Just that. Love spiritually, love physically, love emotionally, love by giving and filling needs, love by holding and touching and love by praying and blessing. Love in anyway you can share it. It is the power we have been given. We only need to use it. To fuel it we have to be hooked in to the main generator.

It's hard to do this from a physical perspective. You have to do it with your spirit. Remember you are a spirit in a physical body. The body is not you anymore than the pot of dirt is the flower. The dirt feeds and nourishes the flower. The pot is not the flower. The pot only defines the the shape of the dirt that holds the flower. The flower is not the pot. The flower is not the dirt. They are all different things working together to create and support a life energy; the life in the flower.

Your life as you have lived it and your body as it is are only supporting your spirit, the love that is life in you.

The smile you feel when you see beauty in plant or a kitten is an uplifting of spirit when you see something and recognize it is perfectly itself. It is not a zinnia trying to be a lily, it is just a zinnia. It is not a kitten trying to be a horse, it is just a kitten. They are what they are and strive for nothing else.

The red zinnia doesn't try to be a yellow zinnia and the black iris does not envy a violet. They are what they are and it is beauty. They lift our spirit with their spirit of perfectly being their perfect selves.

The seed they came from is created and powered by the same love that is growing us. While each of us is unique, when we are perfectly ourselves, loving each life we come in contact with, we have the effect of uplifting those around us as they see the peace of spirit that comes from loving ourselves just the way we are.

We are then beautiful regardless of the pot we are in or the dirt we have been nourished by or the water that fed us. We have to learn not to be afraid to be the truth of ourselves.

The truth may not be socially acceptable, the truth may not be easy to share, the truth may be that we feel flawed and that we don't belong in the garden. When you share your truth you may find that there is another way to look at it from one who cares. Until you see the truth of you in the eyes of the Divine Love you can't see all of it here. We are not made to see it.

That is what Love does for us. It shows us each as unique and perfect for what we were created to do here.

Again, I don't love the you I see, I love the you I know. That is the neatest thought I got this week and I have had a lot of engaging thoughts to contemplate.

At least I believe that, it's just one way to see it. First written 12/29/06. Modified today a little.

Love Shines

2007-11-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

I was putting some pennies into the jar I save them in and in even the dim light of a gray winter day one of them flashed copper bright in my hand. It occurred to me that to see something flash or shine the light has to connect with it in a certain way. With solid objects we only see the surface being lit but the material may warm all the way through in the light. We can not see the heat at such a low level, it is there, none the less.

The results of light shining through my crystals in the windows shows on a wall far from them as a piece of rainbow colors. When the light goes through my drinking glass it creates a reflection of the glass on my table top.

If the light is hitting you in the right way, you shine and are warmed by it. If the light of God's Love is flowing through you the results may be far away but will still be visible somewhere. If you were as clear as glass the light would show you yourself. Even a black or dark vessel will shine and be reflected in the light.

Crystals, like humans, are grown with many facets. The light that shines through them is best when they are face on to the light and all of their facets let the light through. Standing sideways to God's light or only letting part of ourselves be used by His light reduces the flow through us and the number of results that can be achieved by the light.

So we have to stand face on to the Light of the Divine Love. Let it shine on every part of you. Others will see the shine of love reflected by you.

When you let it flow through each facet of you the light of love is multiplied and sent to many places, even those far away that we are not aware of affecting.

I know this is a little convoluted. I don't know how better to say it. It was written 12/25/06.