Discouraged

John 6:26 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, you have been searching for Me, not because you saw the miracles and signs but because you were fed with the loaves and were filled and satisfied.

I did a lot of thinking about this one over the last several months. When I read it I heard a hurt in it. Jesus was a man with a heart when he said it. But it was his spirit hurting that I heard, not his ego.

I can't recall anywhere the words from him were "darn, they don't like me". But over and over he sighs for lack of being able to get the real point across - like in the verse above.

I know, and from deep in my heart I want you to know that I KNOW - you didn't come because you saw the miracles and signs - but because you were fed and satisfied with only food. You didn't seek me for the love, but for your needs to be filled.

I try to tell you about the love and you nod your head because you can't speak with your mouth full. I have not touched your hearts, only your hungry bodies. I have not lit your soul with love but only eased your physical hunger. You will be hungry again tomorrow. You will be without the love again tomorrow.

That was his sadness - their hearts and souls didn't get it, were not touched from what he did, only their bodies. I got a taste of that feeling lately. I have tried to show people that no matter how much I do for them and others that my needs are met when I am doing the work he brought to me, loving them.

It shows. My bills are paid, my truck runs, the dogs are fed and I have what I need even after I help them with what they need. I somtimes do so much that they think I will be going without. But everytime something happens and my needs are filled.

I wanted them to see that loving them the best I know how is what he brings my heart to do, sharing that the Divine Loving Being is real here and alive and only loving, is what I try to do. To share that we don't die, that we live and love on is part of it, too.

What they see is that they have food in the cupboard. They have what they need coming. But they think I did it. They don't see that I may have shared with them but what I need to have available to share is brought to me. Sometimes even before I even know there is a need for it somewhere I will be walking.

And they don't love me. They love what I can do for them. I stand alone here in heart and body, but in spirit I am rich in love. Here they are my friends but they fade when I have met their needs. Or when I can no longer meet their needs. Sometimes that happens so they will reach for the real comforter.

When I see no change in the way they share and love others. I didn't get the love across.
That is his sadness. He didn't get it said or done well enough or the right way to have it touch their hearts and show them the way to live in love on their own, they seek him to fill their bellies. He tells them more....

John 6:27 Stop toiling and doing and producing for the food that perishes and decomposes [in the using], but strive and work and produce rather for the [lasting] food which endures [continually] unto life eternal; the Son of Man will give (furnish) you that, for God the Father has authorized and certified Him and put His seal of endorsement upon Him.

John 6:28 They then said, What are we to do, that we may [habitually] be working the works of God? [What are we to do to carry out what God requires?]

John 6:29 Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].

Believe what I showed you is real and all your needs will be met by Him whom I represent. You don't need me for this to be real in your life, you need to love and work for Him.

I can love them, and care and try to fill the needs I see around me, but if I don't somehow communicate to their hearts that Love is what we are and being loving to each other is what we do for each life to be the best life it can then I may have failed, in a way, too. The world is a better place with each loving action taken by anyone everyday. I want that world for my grands.

For us to be kind and loving, sharing and caring, not ripping and fighting and hurting each other is a vision I hold dear. I don't want to have to switch dimensions to enjoy it. We can have it here.

I love more deeply now. I see that to give is to love and to forgive is to love and that, sometimes, to leave is to love. I try to do what is most loving. It's not always what I want to do. It has become what I need to do.

I fight it on occasion, I don't like it sometimes, when the most loving thing for another is not the most loving thing for me. I hurt from it here as a human woman. But eventually I work it through and can do it with a smiling heart.

We all have a desire to be loved and look for that love in ways we understand here. We seek it in each other. We only find it when we look to the love for everyone else first. Making the world a better place for everyone doesn't always make it a better place for us...I'm not saying it well.

But my heart is at peace when I do what I know is loving truth. That's the part that lets me know I did the right thing for them. I have to listen to it and be glad, no matter how alone or sad I feel from an action, that I did what was loving in a loving way. Not in anger, not from meaness, not vengeful, not selfish and not greedy for me, but the most loving thing for them.

Even when it hurts now I know it is love that hurts me. Here I can't see the long view and the big picture but I know that when I am being loving that I am stitching in the colors that will make it beautiful for all of us one day.

And when I see one that comes because I meet their needs I still smile to be spending time with one I love. I just wish I could do more for them than feed them. I want to ease their hearts and souls and lift the pain from them.

I can't, but I know who can and I ask Him to touch their lives everyday until they know and love with Him, too.

But, like Jesus, I have those times I am discouraged. I know they seek me for the wrong reason. Or they leave for the wrong reason.

One loving kindness at a time, I keep trying anyway.

You are loved. You are not going to die. You will live and love beyond the death of this body. Feed your soul and grow forever. Feed the love to others and let them learn to love here, too and the world is a little better place.