You'll understand when you don't die. 10/02/07

Now Paul and I don't get along. He seems to put his words in as if they were of God when I see it as just him. It shows me he is just human and I might be related to him. Still, I disagree with much he says. Once in a while he shines for me in truth I can see, like this.

1 Corinthians 13

1 If with the tongues of men and of messengers I speak, and have not love (God's love) , I have become brass sounding, or a cymbal tinkling; (just noise)
2 and if I have prophecy, and know all the secrets, and all the knowledge, and if I have all the faith, so as to remove mountains, and have not love, (God's love) I am nothing;
3 and if I give away to feed others all my goods, and if I give up my body that I may be burned, and have not love, (God's love) I am profited nothing.
4 The love (God's love) is long-suffering, it is kind, the love doth not envy, the love doth not vaunt itself, is not puffed up,
5 doth not act unseemly, doth not seek its own things, is not provoked, doth not impute evil,
6 rejoiceth not over the unrighteousness, and rejoiceth with the truth;
7 all things it beareth, all it believeth, all it hopeth, all it endureth.
8 The love (God's love) doth never fail; and whether [there be] prophecies, they shall become useless; whether tongues, they shall cease; whether knowledge, it shall become useless; (all decays or becomes obsolete)
9 for in part we know, and in part we prophecy; (we only see a tiny part)
10 and when that which is perfect (complete) may come, then that which [is] in part (incomplete) shall become useless.
11 When I was a babe, as a babe I was speaking, as a babe I was thinking, as a babe I was reasoning, and when I have become a man, I have made useless the things of the babe; (they were not needed, obsolete)
12 for we see now through a mirror obscurely, and then face to face; now I know in part, and then I shall fully know, as also I was known;
13 and now there doth remain faith, hope, love -- these three; and the greatest of these [is] love God's love).

Last night we cross referrenced to here from where we were in Ezekiel. I had heard 11 a lot growing up - in reference to taking responsibility for what I did and behaving more maturely.

I had heard the verses that come before 8 as a list of ways to love someone here.

I had heard of 12 used to demonstrate we don't understand things here fully.

I had never heard this section from 8-11 all at the same time before. When these were read all together I asked to have it repeated. I was sort of smacked in the head with a thought by them and thought I might have heard it wrong.

They read it over for me again and I thought I had it right so I said, "I think he's trying to say "you'll understand it when you're dead."" This is just one way to see, my opinion.

What I understand from this chapter is - This is the way the Divine Love is as Paul experienced it. The best we can do down here is but a dim copy of the Divine Love. All our best efforts and deepest understandings will be eradicated by time and the limits of the flesh. They will be revealed as the imperfect understandings that they are when we join Him.

I had put it some where else - things that seem so important to us here really are not important there at all.

The truth adults try pass on, that we would understand when we were older, is a part of this. It is a truth but you can't see it until you ARE older. As children don't understand some things because of their lack of experience and limited perspective, we can't understand as we are now.

When we join the Perfect Truth of Divine Love we will be in our perfect spirits, as he created us - like Him. Then we will understand in the light of His Loving Truth, perfectly, all the things that we just barely comprehend down here.

Having stood in the Loving Light of a Divine and Loving Being, I get a little bit of this. I can't explain it all to you, you will have to experience yourself. Words just don't work. You can't understand what I am trying to say until you have seen and felt it, too.

I have to try and share it, it was a truth that can heal hearts. You do not die, there is nothing negative there, He sees nothing negative in you. He loves you just like you are. He would do nothing to hurt you, you only have to trust Him.

If you haven't seen it my words can't tell you all of it. It's the best I can say it here. You will know it when you get there.

If you pull in part of John three that has been in my head for weeks now -

John 3:17 For God did not send the Son into the world in order to judge (to reject, to condemn, to pass sentence on) the world, but that the world might find salvation and be made safe and sound through Him.
18 He who believes in Him [who clings to, trusts in, relies on Him] is not judged [he who trusts in Him never comes up for judgment; for him there is no rejection, no condemnation--he incurs no damnation(no negative)]; but he who does not believe (cleave to, rely on, trust in Him) is judged already [he has already been convicted (judged himself?) and has already received his sentence] because he has not believed in and trusted in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
19 The [basis of the] judgment (indictment) lies in this: the Light has come into the world, and people have loved the darkness rather than and more than the Light, for their works (deeds) were evil.
20 For every one who does (repeats more than once) wrong hates (loathes, detests) the Light, and will not come out into the Light but shrinks (runs) from it, lest his works (his deeds, his activities, his conduct) be exposed and reproved.
21 But he who does (does one time) truth [who does what is right] comes out into the Light; so that his works may be plainly shown to be what they are--wrought with God [divinely prompted, done with God's help ].

repeating two for emphasis,

20 For every one that doeth (repeats more than once - per strongs concordance) evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.(afraid of punishment)
21 But he that doeth (who does it one time - per strongs concordance they are not the same meaning but are interpreted as the same word) truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God. (shown your life is changed from beginning to end by God to be His works)

There is no punishment for you no matter what your life has been if but one time you reach out to the Truth of the Divine Love. Every moment of your life is changed by it, shown to you as now being of God for the good of all it touches.

There is no time where God is. There is no past he can not reach, no tomorrow beyond His touch. His trumpet is always sounding, you will be raised up as you think you are dying. You will not die. He is not dead. He loves us each the way we are. He sees no shame, no sin, fault.... Words just can't say it completely enough.

I feel like I understood what Paul was trying to say and John saw we recieve complete grace in his love for us.

I think John is trying to say, We decide and judge us evil and stay away from the light in our fear. Don't be afraid, He loves you just the way your are.

Adding in Paul, I repeat, modified; "You will understand when you don't die."

9/18 Belief

One night the questions came thick and fast as I tried to pray - How do I declare a loving Creator in a world so full of wrong? How can I say love is always the answer when in my life I have loved so pitifully. I was always seeking to comfort myself and my needs but I didn't even like myself. I did that to the point of hurting others who should have been able to trust me. How do I say you love me, Lord, when I have done so much that is not love to others, even my self? How can I explain your total grace toward us?

What about the homeless and the hungry and the wars? How do I say you are loving Lord, when I see the suffering and loneliness all around me that I believe are wrong or bad?

Where are the miracles? How can we heal each other? How can we say we love like you and say "this is the world He made in love for us"? This world is so full of pain and hurt and war and destruction. How can that be love?

How can I believe in a God of love when I see so much that is not apparently love in the world? I have to admit that I can't see it. I can't see the love all the time. Is it being absorbed and used? I don't know, I can't see that big, that far, into forever and ever- not like he does.

His love can fill us to overflowing and then go through us to others. We can show each other His love is real, we see itin each other - a love bigger than one human can love.

I have to believe what I know is a truth. How do I do that? I have to believe in my ability to perceive truth. I have to believe in me. I believe he is alive and speaks with us. That he makes himself small enough we can see him. That his son was sent so we knew there was one, in him, just like us, that understood life here and how we screw it up and still declared God loves us. I believe he showed us we don't die. I believe I died and was sent back.

I believe I understand what he asks in my tiny, human terms. I do the best I can to listen and let him lead me on. He knows to my last thought what I believe. He sends His love through me knowing what will happen next. I may not understand it all but I believe I am walking where he leads me the best I can.

If I don't believe I can know truth I can't believe in anything, not 2+2, not Him. Today I began to learn to trust myself again. I am just the way I am, and I am loved by Him. I have to trust him for the rest, because I can't say I understand. I can't answer all the questions. I can't see the plan at all. He gave me a little part to do, I believe that is the truth, I don't want to fail in such a small task, even though, to me, it seems hugh.

I lean on him and trust that he will show me the way to go. Is what I am doing loving? Do I love doing it? Do I see it being loving of others? Am I walking with Him or am I running on ahead? I try to listen better.

He asks me to love like Him. I try, but I love like me. It's the best I can do and I feel it's so small and selfish still that I don't see the value in it. I just keep trying to do better.

Alone is not what I think I need. But he says, I am here, you are not alone, you are my friend, I will never leave you. I am learning trust him for that comfort and companionship. This is where he has put me.

I ask to learn to love more like Him, please. He said, "Then remember, I give, I see, I care, I heal, I love. Not I got, I had, I wouldn't look, I hurt, I hate. Love is to give - not to gather, to share, not to save up, to give love is loving - to expect anything from it is human, not divine. The increase is mine to provide to you, don't look for a return from others, just love them because they are mine."

I walk where I feel lead by him. I believe I hear and understand him. I believe in what I do each day as he and I meet and talk. In each choice I make, I try to remember to offer it to Him first. It teaches me to love Him more as I know Him better. It teaches me to walk in Him each day and not call it lonely or alone. It teaches me, too, that I can still love, I never thought I would.

I believe in me and I believe in Him. Name any person you know and I say He loves them, too. It is your choice always to accept what he is willing to give to you. All you have to do is ask. He can show you even how to believe.