What comes out of your mouth

is what is in your heart. What you send into the world is what is in your heart.

You can't give joy when you are sad. You can't give kindness when you feel hurt. You can't love when you are full of hate.

You can't hide the truth of your heart from anyone who knows you. The clerk you smile at and joke with may think you are a courteous and funny guy. Spend ten minutes with anyone, though, and you will see what they are inside.

If they hurt, they leak tears. If they are peaceful, they spread smiles. If they love and are loved they will share it with you. If they are filled with hate and pain, they share that with you, too. It's easy to spread hate, or hurt, it's as catching as the flu.

Thank God, so is love. It's what I want to spread.

Today I failed in that. I got angry at a hurt I saw going through my friends. It spread across my path. I reacted before I thought enough or took it in prayer to understand. I was mad about it.

So I passed on a snit of hurt. It's lose in the world because I just didn't delete the first one. I saw the meanness in that thing and passed it back, with a bonus of mean added to it. Now I am sorry but it's too late, again, for me to fix it. I did it.

I just don't seem to learn. I can't change the world, I can only change me and walk what I believe. I chose not to pass on bad thought or feelings or hurt to others. I chose that, to walk gently. Every day I try to chose what is in my heart and give the rest to the Divine Love to deal with.

But today I reverted. I let my personal emotions get in the way of what I know is right or wrong. I did wrong, in my eyes, by spreading nasty thoughts on. Now I am done with it, but the wrong I did will take on a life of it's own. That is how it got to me. Someone thought it funny, I saw it as mean and unloving. I should have just deleted it and let it go.

But I got angry and snapped a nasty back. I can only hope Grace covers cranky, lonely women who believe true love is real when they act like snotty kids. I guess I will find out.

This was part of my morning reading -From John 8 - Amplified Bible

34 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Whoever commits and practices sin is the slave of sin.

(You snatch a candy bar. Now you have to hide it. Now you have to try and remember what you looked like 30 seconds ago, innocent, and try to look like that again. Your whole being is taken up in not getting caught. Not a bit of you left to think of anything but that thing you snatched and getting away.

You are already making up excuses in your head in case you get caught. Lies to get you off. No room for the truth in your heart when you are totally involved in being dishonest and lying.

You can't share it with anyone who might guess you stole it - unless they are a thief, too.

When you eat it the smell will give you away for a while. You can't risk getting too close to Mom or the siblings....how to do that? You are a slave to this action once you take it.

That's what I did today. I can't take it back, I have to accept any consequences that come.)

35 Now a slave does not remain in a household permanently (forever); the son [of the house] does remain forever.

(Slaves are property. That wrongness owns you. You can be sold by one who knows you did wrong. Like your sister saw you snatch that treat and now you do her chores so she doesn' t tell on you to the folks.

The son of the house can't be sold. He is there by right of birth.)

36 So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free.

(Being born to being aware of your spirit freed by His, you are a son or daughter of the house. There are responsibilities that go with that, I just messed mine up. )

... 38 I tell the things which I have seen and learned at My Father's side, and your actions also reflect what you have heard and learned from your father.

My Dad thought an eye for an eye was right. I think it's mean and hurtful. But Dad would have been pleased with me today for trying to get my point across. All I think I did was take too seriously what others see as only a joke. I passed on another thought contrary to what I think is right to press the point. So give me one "head pat" from Dad.

I only pray for grace to cover it. I know what I meant to do was wrong, even if it is not seen as such. I tried to let it be known that one I know has a loving heart was passing "not love" around and it hurt me to see that. Then I sent the other "not love" so they could compare the two items.

My only hope is it was all so vague that they miss the hurt I felt and sent. But I don't think so.

I'll be asking forgivness from them again. They have a right to their own opinion. I don't have to share mine with them.

But what came out of me was hurt because that was what was in me. He showed me it was me, again, being too judgemental. That is His to do.

(I have a new computer at work, I didn't know where the delete key was...... Think He will believe that?.....me neither.)

I'm sorry. I screwed up. I know it was wrong now and I will try to do better. It's all I can offer. It seems pretty pitiful.

I'm sorry is hard to say. It's never big enough to fix the hurt you gave. It only says you care and will try not to do it again. Still, we are just humans. Especially me.

Maybe someone will forgive me.