What am I doing here?

What am I doing here? I can't answer it. But I know you are important. Precious. Loved.

I got some info from http://www.lifeofchrist.com/life/genealogy/women.asp

"Matthew included five women in his genealogy of Christ. This is notable since it was not customary for Jews to include women in their records. The five women were: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. "

Tamar (Genesis 38:6-30) was the daughter-in-law of a man named Judah. Her husband, Judah's son, died, leaving no children.

Judah gave her to his son's brother. By law her offspring would continue the dead son's name and recieve his inheritance.

Tamar's brother-in-law refused to have children with her. God killed him for this. Judah would not give Tamar to any of his other sons, having lost two now.

Tamar, to continue her husband's line, disguised herself as a harlot and seduced Judah. Their child was named Perez, which means "divided".

Rahab ( Joshua 2:1-24 ) was a harlot who lived in Jericho. She hid the spies of Joshua. Because of this, the Israelites spared her life when they conquered Jericho. She later became the wife of Salmon, and the mother of Boaz. Rahab's faith was later commended (Heb 11:30-31).

Ruth ( Ruth 1:1-4:22) was a Moabite. She had married a Jew. Her mother-in-law was Naomi. They journeyed to Israel after all the men in the family died. Ruth would not leave Naomi to travel alone.

While in Israel, Ruth met and married Boaz, one of Naomi's relatives. Ruth later became the mother of Obed, the grandfather of David the King.

Bathsheba ( 2 Samuel 11:1-27 ) was the wife of Uriah the Hittite, who was a soldier in the army of King David. David wanted her after seeing her one time. He commanded she be brought to him. (Kings get to do that...) He slept with her and got her with child.

David called her husband home from war. When his plan to trick him about the pregnancy wouldn't work, David sent Uriah back into the thick of the battle. sHe also sent secret orders that support should be withdrawn from Uriah when the fighting became fierce. Uriah was killed.

David then took Bathsheba as his own wife. God punished David for this by killing their first child. Bathsheba had another son and called him Solomon, "one who recompenses".

Mary ( Matthew 1:18-25, Luke 1:26-56) Mary was a virgin when Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit. (but try to tell your fiancee' and your neighbors THAT!) When Joseph found she was with child he intended to put her away secretly because this was so shameful.
An angel came to tell Joseph what had happened. Joseph went ahead and took Mary as his wife, (inspite of what "everyone" said about her). Mary later had other sons and daughters by Joseph. (Matthew 13:55-56).

I think the point is that every life has value, always. You may not know what is important about your life while you live it. You can't know what you are doing here, only what you appear to be doing....and things are not always what they seem.

What you think is important about your life may not be the real gift you leave the world. You may build a hospital or write a book. That's good. But it may be one who reads the book that changes the world. It may be years after you are passed over to the other side that your life's importance is discovered.

No matter your situation, you can still contribute more love and joy to the world by teaching one more person to love and share love with others. By doing what is important to you, you contribute to the future.

Tamar never knew she was an ancestor to the man who would change the world. She seduced her father in law to keep her husband's name alive. She wanted children and a family.

Rahab never knew, either. She was "just a whore" and probably never expected to marry, much less have children and a caring husband.

Ruth was looking out for her mother in law, supporting her and herself. They were only destitute, grieving widows. But she found love again and is also one of Jesus' ancestors.

Mary was like any teen aged girl suddenly with child. She bore the shame. Many would not have believed in the virgin birth until her son was in his thirties and began his ministry of miracles. 33 years of scorn she may have endured. Why? What point in living when "everyone says" you cheated on your man....

Whatever you think of yourself, whatever you think society says you are, you are a person who loves.

God loves you just the way you are, just where you are standing, whatever you are doing.
So when it's hard, when it's lonely, when your heart is filled with grief, comfort yourself with the knowing that you have a value - you love.

Hold to YOUR course

Mark 6:45-52 (NKJV)
45 Immediately He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while He sent the multitude away.
46 And when He had sent them away, He departed to the mountain to pray.
47 Now when evening came, the boat was in the middle of the sea; and He was alone on the land.
48 Then He saw them straining at rowing, for the wind was against them. Now about the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea, and would have passed them by.
49 And when they saw Him walking on the sea, they supposed it was a ghost, and cried out;
50 for they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."
51 Then He went up into the boat to them, and the wind ceased. And they were greatly amazed in themselves beyond measure, and marveled.
52 For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened.

46 And when He had sent them away, He departed to the mountain to pray.

What did Jesus have to pray about? He'd healed the sick, spoken of the new gospel to the people that sought him, fed the crowd, sent the disciples safely away and finally got some time to himself.

I would have collapsed in a heap and wanted a hot cuppa tea. He wanted to commune with God.

The day wasn't over yet and I think he knew it. He still had to walk out over the sea and meet the boat, calm the storm and lift Peter out of the waves.

If I knew I had all that to do after all I had done my prayer might have been, "Father - don't you realize how much you are cramming into a day for me here? I'm TIRED! How am I supposed to get the rest of this done? I'm beat now. They don't even see what is right in front of them. You just fed 5000 people and they don't even see that as a miracle so WHY did you have me even try? Wasn't it a wasted effort? And now you want me to walk on water. Do you remember I'm from the desert? Sand, wind - those I know. Walk on WATER? What is the POINT!"

Now I'm betting that, with his deeper understanding, that isn't what Jesus prayed. But how often would we have seen the whole event of feeding 5000 as wasted because no one saw the miracle in it but us? Walking on water? Who cared? It just scared his friends. Pulling Peter out? What for? How come Peter had to lose faith? Hadn't he showed them ENOUGH miracles yet? Didn't they understand he was God's son and could do anything he needed to, including allowing another to walk on water?

He still has to keep showing us, everyday, that he is real. We can't seem to remember the healings, the rescues, the "just exactly what I needed" events from yesterday. I feel better knowing the disciples couldn't remember, either.

And the poor disciples are out there rowing a boat in a storm! Why? Because that's what Jesus asked them to do. He was the one everyone wanted to see. What was the point in them going to the next place without him. Why would they struggle to keep the boat afloat and on course? No one is going to know how hard it was. Why didn't they just give up and drift?

He gave them a direction and they were trying to do what he asked of them. Was it easy? Did it seem to have an important purpose? Aside from keeping themselves alive in the storm there was no reason to aim where he told them to. There was a storm. Anyone would understand if they just put into land anywhere for safe harbor in a storm....

But they didn't. They kept rowing even though the wind was against them. Even though no one would know what they did and even though it looked like they might die in the attempt and even though they may have felt stupid for staying out in a storm. They kept rowing.

I'm glad to know they preservered. When I seem to be "going against the grain" of the world or people around me, but I know it's where I have been directed, I can hold my course sure. I wait for the voice that will come out of the dark - "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."

He's here. Every minute, every trial, every seemingly pointless effort, is guarded by him. That's the comfort of the story for me - no matter what, do not be afraid. He's got me covered.

Ten percent?

Mt 23:23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

Is our "tithe" limited to the physical things we have? Things; money, homes, food, possessions. They have value and to share them is not just "good" but love being showed.

This verse seems to say that to show the love that has been given to us that we should tithe of our "things" AND our hearts. When I am angry if I could think to "tithe" forgiveness wouldn't I then give up the anger at another and isn't that a tithe of love?

When someone wrongs me and I can think to tithe "mercy", that I have been given in such abundance, wouldn't I give up the hurt and make peace?

I had already come to the conclusion that we should tithe of our talents as well as our resources. Tithing time, transportation, skills - I understood that. But tithing of our feelings and judgements - that's a new thought.

Many times I have thought the truth of my feelings was trash I was handing to the Divine Loving Being - but he sees the truth as beautiful, whatever it is in my judgement. If I could be willing to give up a tithe, say ten percent, of my hurt, anger and frustrations with life, wouldn't it be improving my life?

And if he returns what you tithe to him ten fold then wouldn't I have more ability to forgive, offer mercy, pass on kindness, not hurts?

I don't know. When I don't know I say, "There's two ways to find out; Ask someone who knows or try it and see." I'm guessing on this one I'll be trying it to see.

I'll tithe of my feelings. If I am angry I will reach for forgiveness to give instead of more hurt to another. If I am sad I will reach for a small part of joy to share - not sadness. I will give up the self pity for a bit of thankfulness and share that with others. Then I will see what happens next.

I know I haven't said this well. The words are deceptive. I have tithed of my income and my possesions. Now I'm going to add to it. I will tithe of kindness, forgiveness and mercy instead of passing on anger, pain and sadness. It makes sense to me. It's the way I see it today.

I can't, again

I can't do it.

I can't keep someone from making a poor decision. I can't help everywhere I see the need for it. I can't change the weather when people are too broke to pay for heat. I can see the hurt hearts and broken hearts and blind hearts in pain. I can see the needs around me but I just can't help them all. I can't hardly do anything for anyone right now. My resources have been limited again.

It's discouraging to the point of tears sometimes.

I can't be anything other than what I am. I'm not rich enough, powerful enough, strong enough, smart enough - or whatever "enough" it is - to do what I think would be good for me or those around me.

There is a reason for this.

1 Corinthians 1

25 [This is] because the foolish thing [that has its source in] God is wiser than men, and the weak thing [that springs] from God is stronger than men.

26 For [simply] consider your own call, brethren; not many [of you were considered to be] wise according to human estimates and standards, not many influential and powerful, not many of high and noble birth.

27 [No] for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame.

28 And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are...

I have to remember it's not my job to heal the world, only to love those brought to me the best I can while they are with me. This day, this person, this one thing they need help with or I need help with.

If it is only to listen while they let go of the hurt in their day, I can do that. I can't change what is hurting them, though and that has weighed on my heart so very much these last months.

Now - how is someone to see the invisible love working in their life if every time they have a need or a hurt they only see a human helping? If everything that happens in life makes sense, follows a pattern, fits our view of the world we keep thinking humans are all there is.

How can the Divine Love show it exists if it's always a strong person addressing the need? Someone with resources to spare and a heart to use them can make a real difference in this world. I believe we are to love and care for each other here. But that isn't all there is.

It's the letter from an old friend with a check in it. It's meeting just the doctor you need in an elevator. Meeting a person in line at the store and finding out they know a perfect job for you; Finding exactly what you needed sitting on the corner for free....

The Love brings these things to you through others that have no way to know there is a need. You see it every day in your life and those around you. I believe that is The Divine Love in action.

For me God's middle name is "Coincidence".

Discouraged

John 6:26 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, you have been searching for Me, not because you saw the miracles and signs but because you were fed with the loaves and were filled and satisfied.

I did a lot of thinking about this one over the last several months. When I read it I heard a hurt in it. Jesus was a man with a heart when he said it. But it was his spirit hurting that I heard, not his ego.

I can't recall anywhere the words from him were "darn, they don't like me". But over and over he sighs for lack of being able to get the real point across - like in the verse above.

I know, and from deep in my heart I want you to know that I KNOW - you didn't come because you saw the miracles and signs - but because you were fed and satisfied with only food. You didn't seek me for the love, but for your needs to be filled.

I try to tell you about the love and you nod your head because you can't speak with your mouth full. I have not touched your hearts, only your hungry bodies. I have not lit your soul with love but only eased your physical hunger. You will be hungry again tomorrow. You will be without the love again tomorrow.

That was his sadness - their hearts and souls didn't get it, were not touched from what he did, only their bodies. I got a taste of that feeling lately. I have tried to show people that no matter how much I do for them and others that my needs are met when I am doing the work he brought to me, loving them.

It shows. My bills are paid, my truck runs, the dogs are fed and I have what I need even after I help them with what they need. I somtimes do so much that they think I will be going without. But everytime something happens and my needs are filled.

I wanted them to see that loving them the best I know how is what he brings my heart to do, sharing that the Divine Loving Being is real here and alive and only loving, is what I try to do. To share that we don't die, that we live and love on is part of it, too.

What they see is that they have food in the cupboard. They have what they need coming. But they think I did it. They don't see that I may have shared with them but what I need to have available to share is brought to me. Sometimes even before I even know there is a need for it somewhere I will be walking.

And they don't love me. They love what I can do for them. I stand alone here in heart and body, but in spirit I am rich in love. Here they are my friends but they fade when I have met their needs. Or when I can no longer meet their needs. Sometimes that happens so they will reach for the real comforter.

When I see no change in the way they share and love others. I didn't get the love across.
That is his sadness. He didn't get it said or done well enough or the right way to have it touch their hearts and show them the way to live in love on their own, they seek him to fill their bellies. He tells them more....

John 6:27 Stop toiling and doing and producing for the food that perishes and decomposes [in the using], but strive and work and produce rather for the [lasting] food which endures [continually] unto life eternal; the Son of Man will give (furnish) you that, for God the Father has authorized and certified Him and put His seal of endorsement upon Him.

John 6:28 They then said, What are we to do, that we may [habitually] be working the works of God? [What are we to do to carry out what God requires?]

John 6:29 Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].

Believe what I showed you is real and all your needs will be met by Him whom I represent. You don't need me for this to be real in your life, you need to love and work for Him.

I can love them, and care and try to fill the needs I see around me, but if I don't somehow communicate to their hearts that Love is what we are and being loving to each other is what we do for each life to be the best life it can then I may have failed, in a way, too. The world is a better place with each loving action taken by anyone everyday. I want that world for my grands.

For us to be kind and loving, sharing and caring, not ripping and fighting and hurting each other is a vision I hold dear. I don't want to have to switch dimensions to enjoy it. We can have it here.

I love more deeply now. I see that to give is to love and to forgive is to love and that, sometimes, to leave is to love. I try to do what is most loving. It's not always what I want to do. It has become what I need to do.

I fight it on occasion, I don't like it sometimes, when the most loving thing for another is not the most loving thing for me. I hurt from it here as a human woman. But eventually I work it through and can do it with a smiling heart.

We all have a desire to be loved and look for that love in ways we understand here. We seek it in each other. We only find it when we look to the love for everyone else first. Making the world a better place for everyone doesn't always make it a better place for us...I'm not saying it well.

But my heart is at peace when I do what I know is loving truth. That's the part that lets me know I did the right thing for them. I have to listen to it and be glad, no matter how alone or sad I feel from an action, that I did what was loving in a loving way. Not in anger, not from meaness, not vengeful, not selfish and not greedy for me, but the most loving thing for them.

Even when it hurts now I know it is love that hurts me. Here I can't see the long view and the big picture but I know that when I am being loving that I am stitching in the colors that will make it beautiful for all of us one day.

And when I see one that comes because I meet their needs I still smile to be spending time with one I love. I just wish I could do more for them than feed them. I want to ease their hearts and souls and lift the pain from them.

I can't, but I know who can and I ask Him to touch their lives everyday until they know and love with Him, too.

But, like Jesus, I have those times I am discouraged. I know they seek me for the wrong reason. Or they leave for the wrong reason.

One loving kindness at a time, I keep trying anyway.

You are loved. You are not going to die. You will live and love beyond the death of this body. Feed your soul and grow forever. Feed the love to others and let them learn to love here, too and the world is a little better place.

One Way too See

I liked the concept that how I see the world and react and interact with it is unique to me. I can try to understand how others see it. The only way I can see it is my way.

That's true for each of us. There is no way to break all the walls, social, emotional and self imposed, that each of us use to present ourselves to another. Even in the most committed and trusting relationships there are parts of us we don't share. I call it the kernel of me.

But we do the best we can. I put up the website http://1way2see.com/ and posted this blog there for now. As I go it will morph into something related to Dead is Just a Four Letter Word. I'm thinking of posting about my feelings on reading the letters I get. There have been some heart aching stories that have come my way. While I couldn't share them, I can relate how my day can be affected by them, my heart torn and my spirit lifted.

I have made friends, virtual ones, of some of those that write to me. I found places to meet others that have died and returned. It's been amazing.

For now it is just the same as this blog. You might want to go bookmark the site for future reference. It's gonna change when I have time.

Give it up.

You get told that - "You're beating your head against a stone wall. Give it up!"

Today the words that came to me were "Give it up."

I don't like giving up when I have started something. There is are situations in my life that I have worked hard at and put a lot of time, money, effort and my very heart into. Some of them ain't goin nowhere. I have to give it up. That made me sad.

Then I realized what I had to do was "give it UP^" I took it in prayer and laid it on the lap of my friend, the Christ. I could tell Him how hard I tried and how disappointed I am that I am not what is needed when I want so to be needed and loved. I told him how I still screw up even when it's love I'm trying to express. I told Him I was sorry I can't do more. I have to give it up.

He took it for me. There is no shame in giving it up to Him. He knows we can't always "fix it" down here. It's not us that opens hearts and eyes and minds, it's Him. All we can do is show others it works in our lives by living what we believe. Their choices are theirs.

I can point them to Him, I can say and show I look to Him, only He can open them to the love that is theirs from Him.

Sometimes I try too hard. I "work at" trying to do what should be easy for me when it's something I love doing. I know that when I am trying to please others here and not the Divine Love I get all tensed up. It hurts when what I do seems not to be enough or appreciated.

Today I have to "give it Up^" and give up trying so hard myself. I have to know I don't need to feel I have failed. I have done what I can, the rest is up to Him.

Silly me, thinking I can change even one heart when I can't even control myself without His guidance. Foolish me, being hurt because I'm not good enough by other humans standards. In His eyes I am enough.

I gotta remember what's important is just to give, show and share love. The rest is "up^" to Him.

First Fruits

I looked up "tithe" and, after some reading, decided to leave it at a percent of your increase that you give where it's needed out of love. The Old Testament is more specific. It's not worth getting all stirred up about. It means to put back part of what you recieve for others benefit and dedicate it to God. In my case that means to Love. (Different words, same thing)

The book says some other things about tithes, articles say many things about tithes. What I have been thinkng about is the phrase "first fruits" - "the firstfruits of your toil" (Exodus 23:16) . It's the first place I can find this phrase.

Fruit - offspring - increase - things that grow from an established plant or person. Things that grow, produce seed of their own after they separate from their "creator". This continues through the generations and into the future, well past the first tree that put out a seed or the first child.

The first fruits of our toil is not just a cut of the cash we make going to work. It's not just the produce we grow and share with our neighbors - it's us. We are the first fruits of the previous generations. Then there are our first fruits. I see it as our talents, our skills, our knowledge and our abilities.

I see first fruits in how we show love to others here; how we raise our children to care and love - or not. Not as we told them, but as we showed them, we will see our fruit in them.

I wish I had done better for my children but they have learned from others in their lives to live and love even when I could not show it well. They love.

That's a large part of what we pass on to the next generations following us - love; how to, how not to, caring for each other, believing in each other. Love shared is"first fruits", too.

It's not all about the money and who gets it. It's the time and who you share it with. We seem to spend most of our time with people we pass by as "co-workers", not friends and certainly not anyone we would show loving care to. When we get back to the little bit of time left for our families we are tired and often need some love showed to us, too. To find the energy to love your family and do something besides sit beside them in front of the TV is beyond many of us.

What will the fruit be of that kind of life? We see it all around us. Kids whose parent's are busy keeping up with chores and the responsibilities of life, but not finding time to be with those "first fruits" and love them. Dad's exausted and wondering why he doesn't want to spend time with Mom. Mom is beat and wishing she could find more time for Dad. They both see the kids slipping away but don't know how to pull them back....scattered energy, scattered families being sent into the future where the fruit will be tough and dry.

To put your best forth for "tithe" you don't need to have money - look where love is needed and give what you can to each one you meet. Some days I don't love as well as others. Most of the time I am afraid I love too well and leave myself or those that look to me feeling shorted. I just keep trying.

Those tired families? Take over a meal on a Wednesday night after work and heat it up so they can sit down with you ( and each other) and spend time together. Take the kids with you for a night. Don't know what to do with them? Teach them how to do something you love doing. I intend to make candles again soon and have a couple kids over. Their folks get a break and time to be with each other, I get company, the dogs get petted and the kids get some much needed attention. We all get candles.

Doesn't seem like a tithe to you? Gas to get the kids, food to feed them, something to do isn't always free either. Patience with more people around than you are used to and the time to do it. Looks like a tithe to me. First fruits given to show love to another.

It applies to your job, your hobbies, your daily walk - how can you give a tithe from a walk? Invite someone to go with you that needs companionship or exercise. What's the tithe? Your alone time, your energy, your listening to the birds left behind to hear your friend talk....

Think of how many people have contributed to your abilities and skills that you use everyday. I remember my grampa telling me how to line up the wheel on the lawn mower to get the widest cut but still not miss any spots. I used it yesterday to conserve gas while I mowed. Maybe I didn't save much, but what I did was because he took the time to teach me the best way. It was 45 years ago but I use it every time I mow. He took the time to be with me and show me how.

If I make a loaf of bread I see it took a lot of people to get the wheat, sugar, yeast, eggs, milk and salt to me. It took more to provide the oven I use and the power that heats it. You can get quite a long list if you try to include every single thing that goes into you making a loaf of bread. Don't forget the cook who taught you how and the book or card you pulled the recipe out of and the people that brought it to you. Remember the guy that invented eletricity or how to contain gas fuels....it's a lot of people and could go back to the first woman that crushed grain with a rock...

What can I do to pass on love showed to me? First fruits should be sharing that remarkable loaf of bread with those you love - not just by eating it warm with strawberry jam - but by teaching another to make a loaf of bread from scratch, by rewriting the recipe for a friend, by showing someone how to grind the flour from the wheat itself. Using your knowledge to have more bread made down the road is, to me, first fruits.

You can tithe "by the book", giving a percent of your income, or you can give of your "first fruits", the love that has been gifted to you by others in your life and pass it on.

I just realized I do fairly well with first fruits, not too bad with the "tithe" and have had love in all my days. That's a pretty good return on my investment.

Others have had like thoughts. I found this one researching my definitions today. It makes the cut for first fruits, in my opinion. E-Sword is a free computer bible study program. Read the first page and see what you think.

In the mean time, if the cash for the tithe is a little short just remember you can make up the difference in love.

Grace

Grace. I can not explain it well. It must be experienced by each one.

Love without conditions or restrictions. Divine forgiveness. The healing of a soul's heart. The gift of joy in living again as you were made to be. To leave the hurts, shames and hates of this life time with Him. Your life's experiences no longer marring your behavior or perceptions. Changed. Clean. Fresh again. Remade.

He can take a memory in your heart and not change the way it happened but change the way you see it and change the results of that event so it works now for the good of His plan.


It is His gift to us - knowing that not only are we loved just as we are but so is each one of us. We are all loved.


A friend said, "I still remember my life and the things I did that I saw as wrong. I carry them in a different aspect now. They don't hurt me anymore."


I said He gave me a way to see things so I could better understand and forgive, not just the others in my life, but even myself.

We both meant that we were forgiven and forgave ourselves, our lives were ours again to live in joy, not shame, happiness, not despair.

The feeling fades and returns. I can't always hang on to the grace. It's there every time I reach for it and never fails to heal my heart.

As you are, you are loved.

Hiatus

I have been "doing" more than "thinking" lately. I came to the conclusion that that is as it should be. Lofty thoughts never got the dishes done, so to speak.

I haven't stopped my relationship with the Divine so much as come to trust that Being to guide me as I go. I don't have to stop every second and write a thought down to share, I think I have to reach out to those around me and apply the beliefs I hold.

Like do unto others, it's all just stuff and stuff all just burns up, love 'em while ya got 'em, find the joy in the day, and put my energy and time where my pen is.....

That's some mangling of the language...sorry.

I got hit by a song today on the radio as I drove to work. It just made me cry. It wasn't "Last Kiss" or "Leader of the Pack" or even "He stopped loving her today". Those all touch my heart.

It was "I will survive".

However confused and painful the days are; even if the days are good in my determination; I will survive - forever.

I may royally screw up. I may fail in my estimation of not succeeding. I might even blow it all off and run off to a beach and leave it all behind me and change my name. I can still hurt myself and others here. I can still spend nights crying in lonliness. I can get mad, mean, even, snotty, crude, rude and thoughtless.

I don't chose that right now - but I could. Some days I lean toward the hard side of me more than I like even still.

But I will survive. I am loved just as I am. I am just as beautiful a creation now as I was when I stood before that Being of Love I met when I died.

What a gift - Grace.

Loved for being exactly as you are. No judgement, just acceptance of all of your self.

Thank you.