Failed trust

I have found them out there, the ones that can not accept a gift with no strings attached as real. Those are the ones that hurt my heart. There is a need in them I can't fill. I see a need for them to be able to trust the ones around them. I can't fill it. The world has beaten it out of them. I hurt it out of some of them, myself. It shames me to say that, but it's a truth.

I watched a coyote once that was freezing and starving try to trust humans again. With no mean thought in me, I had put out food for him. I put it in a steel bowl. That's what I feed my dogs in. They eat inside where it's not freezing cold.

He was just starting to eat when I went to the window to check on him. He startled and his tongue stuck on the bowl, over turning it and hurting him, just before he ran off. Trusting failed.

I didn't mean that to happen. I tried to help and hurt him instead, reinforcing his fear of humans. The only way he could see it was as a mean trick. I didn't think it through and so I hurt him. It was an accident. While that made me sorry and sad, I knew I didn't mean to hurt him. I doesn't change the way he experienced it. And there it stands, I screwed up.

The truth is that, as humans, we just can't think of everything. Even in kindness we can hurt each other. A flaw in our actions only shows after they happen. Even the small neglects we hurt each other with can ruin a heart or a life, unseen by us at the time.

Some will have lost their trust by accidents and ignorance. Some have had their true loving trust betrayed by those that should have cared for them. Then there are those that seem to thrive on hurting others. How ever they have lost it, it's gone and I only know one who can bring it back.

When those that can't trust hurt me I remember those I have hurt. Forgiving them is easier then. When it's harder I can take it to prayer. I pray that someone can restore their ability to trust again. Losing trust of others confines us to only ourselves. To stand alone is to punish yourself for others treatment of you. You are the only one who suffers when you are cut off from everyone. I don't understand the math, but I see it's true.

After being hurt that one too many times you stop reaching out and, worse yet, you let no one reach toward you. There you stand in pain, anger, and hurt with no hope of relief. You may not be the one who did the harm. You suffered the harm done to you.

Why do we punish ourselves for the actions of others. And why do we punish those we don't even know for the actions of others in our pasts? We almost literally push them away from us. I think it's the fear. Fear holds us frozen in our pain; we can't move, we can't heal, and no one can help because we can trust no one.

Then something happened and I see another one on the way to isolation. She is only four years old and it may be too late to overcome her fears. She has been hurt by one she trusted in a way that made all people suspect. How do you help one so small understand what even adults can't?

I understand how some of us end up hiding away. It's just too dangerous to our hearts to have any contact with another person. Just once more, we think, to be betrayed, will damage us beyond repair. So many times the damage is done without realizing it or carelessly that the others involved may never even understand they hurt you. So you avoid them all.

It's when I think of the words to my family, or friends or, worse yet, to my children, that I hurt. I see the promises unkept, the visits missed, the "just a minutes" and "when I get through with this" that I scattered in their lives. I didn't mean it to destroy their trust in those that love them. I thank God for His healing of those small hearts as I see them loving and trusting again.

I know he's going to tell me that to offer love is never wrong. They won't accept love from Him, how can they accept it from me? Then I give him the sadness that causes in my heart and He takes it from me. Nothing is beyond the Divine Love's ability to repair. He built it. But they have to accept. And the best cure is to be more careful and loving of each other.

I can't see a way to fix all that is so obviously wrong in this world. I can only deal with each small thing I see the best I can. I am thankful that the Divine Love has it covered. I only wish it would cram the recovery into high gear. I cried for that small, hurt child. I can't change her life or heal her wounded heart.

When we don't tell someone they have even only annoyed us once, we are locked into not telling them again if they repeat the action. It niggles at us and nips but we think we are being kind or polite to not say anything.

By not telling me when I have done something that has annoyed or hurt you I am denied the learning of how to do better or avoid it another time. I don't even know there is a problem until it's too big, in you, to repair. Something altogether different may finally rub against that first sore spot and next think you know we are both upset but only one of us knows why.

That is not truth. It is not honest at all. If you deal with those things when they are small they can be eliminated, negotiated or compromised on so everyone is comfortable. When you don't they become magnified by repetition and blow up all over every one.

Get angry, get upset, but say something so I know that there is something I can do differently to do better next time. If you don't and there is no next time we have both lost a chance to love.

Keep the truth in your love. It's not easy. Grace is all that can make it work here at all. But Truth IS Love. Hold to it. Reach for it. Share it.

Reach out to a hurt heart today, show them one here cares. Even if they can't reach back they will see one who still tries to help, not hurt. If you can leave hope in a heart, it can see a small light of possiblities. Give someone hope.