The Tatted Cross

I made this quite long ago, one perfect cross.
It marked the spot in my Book where my father's picture rests.

It came to mind to give to you for the gift I can't repay.
It is the one perfect thing in my lifeI have ever made.

But then the gift within the gift was given me
to add and share with you from Him.

I said I had made it,"all by myself" but then, He says to me,
"Let me show you, friend of mine, what you didn't see."

"Did you see the rain and sun and the cotton seed that said,
"Oh the pain, I break in half! I think now That I die!""

"It didn't die but grew and flowered and said,
"I'm perfect now it's true. My life's work is through."

"But the fruit of the plant was taken from it for men had found a way
to weave it into many things. The cotton plant died that day."

"Someone took the extra time to make a perfect weave of thread
so tiny, light and fine but - it's strength went to it's head."

"The tiny thread took great pride,"I'm so long and strong and straight.
I'm perfect now! I'm the best of all!.""

"But wait", I said," my thread came in a ball."

He says,"I know -you should have heard what that made our poor thread feel.
It felt each twist and turn and lap as it went on the spool".

""Now I'm a mess, what good am I", said the thread. "Men are just such fools!
To take something as perfect as me and put me on a spool.""

Into my hands came the perfect thread -so fine I could barely see
to work my pattern of rings and chains into the cross it would be.

I counted and watched my fingers as I pulled each ring up tight.
Like magic the thread never broke. It had been woven for me, just right.

I unspun each wrap, undid each twist and for a moment you could see
the perfect straight thread between my hands but it was not to be.

Never straight again that thread, and live cotton not again
nor a seed beneath the sun and rain but a perfect cross instead.

You can not see the many crosses I have made before.
I finally made one perfect cross and my pride was full.

Then He said, "Each named itself perfect as it was
a total complete creation but it was really something else."

"Each of you is many things more than you can see.
I create with each of you what I need you to be."

"Never name yourself complete or say your life is done.
You can't know what I have planned. You only need to trust."

"I take each life grow, pluck and weave the beauty I have seen
and match it to the pattern of all that is to be.

Who made it?" he asked"You", I answered, head hung down in shame
and "You, too." he graced me,"With what I made of you".

Much more humble nowI offer you this piece of tatted lace,
that was once all those things if you can but see the truth within the thing.

But most of all I hope you see the truth he's laid on me.
It's a gift that he started long ago - from Him, through you to me.

A gift was given, in love, by a friend. A friend He brought to me to bring me to Him.
The gift you gave was the greater even if it can not be seen.

Thank you.

Birds or coffee?

My birds, one Sunday, were clammoring on the empty feeder. What was keeping me from going out to feed them? I was not dressed. I wasn't ready to be active in the day yet. But my birds, His birds, had a need and showed it to me.

If the birds were any human in need, I would have gotten right up, pj and all, and run quickly out to help. I kept my birds, His birds waiting on MY timing. That was the thought that came to me, "he cares for each sparrow". What do I care about?

Choice. What is important? What is more or less important? We judge it. Is one hungry bird less important than one human that hurts? The book says not. I said they were less important. Just wild birds seeking an easy meal.

Action. We act - for His desires or our own. Or we don't act, that is a choice, too. Mine was to sit and stare at the world. His was that I get up and feed the birds. I became convinced (convicted) I had to feed them that day.

I had what they needed, seed, and I had the power to open the container and take it out to them. I had to put it in a place they could reach it because the need was showed to me. I knew about it now. It was up to me to act or not. I had to choose.

It was still "just birds" outside but there was a lesson in it for me. I got dressed and went out to feed His birds.

I see the needs my friends have shown me and I have ached to help. I wanted to be there for them. Some of them I can help with my actions or words, for others I can only pray.

They are so much more to me than the birds Their needs I see clammor to me like the birds in their hunger. I see the need, I recognize them as needs, I try to fill them if I can.

The needs for comfort, understanding, acceptance, someone to say you will be ok is in all of us. In times of stress or pain or loneliness we are all glad to have a friend give us a hand or a word, a hug or a place to sit and stare.

When I see the needs and can't meet them, it hurts my heart. My friends are not "just birds" to me and now the birds are more to me, too. They belong to a friend of mine and He gave me enough so I can feed them. I was glad I got up and did it.

I love watching the birds feed. I love the songs and the flights. I see the squabbles and fights. I sat there and saw one small need filled by my action and I was smiling for knowing that I care for my friends. I like that about me and I like Him for giving me what I need to share with them.

When we show loving care to each other as He leads us to act for Him I think we are showing Christ's loving spirit to each other. "As ye have done unto the least of these, so you have done TO me." Through our loving care His lives.

He is alive in everything we touch, breathe, feel, see - in every bit of life, He is there. When we submit our will to his then we are joined together in him. He guides us but we have the choice to act or not. To act lovingly toward each other is letting His love shows through us.

At least, that is one way to see it.

Halfway there

I woke today praying out loud again. Jesus and I were having a conversation. It was about acceptance. I was feeling me/hearing Him say how we are punished is His, too. When we punish ourselves we are judging us guilty. It's not our job. It is hard to leave that judgement where it belongs, to Him. We fear His power. We judge Him to be like us and He is not. The words petty, mean, cruel and grudge can not be applied to Him.

I see that by accepting our judgement of ourselves we are saying we know better than He does what we deserve. We do not accept His judgement if we keep all the shames, crimes and sins we think we have done in our hearts. He can't touch them if we won't give them. He will not force them from us.

Acceptance is not just accepting the love He sends as He wills. We have to be willing to accept His judgement of us. Then we have to be able to see what it is.

We have to stop running ourselves down and hating ourselves for what we see as our crimes. Letting go of our judgement is hard. It is full of "yes, buts" and "I should have's" and excuses and "I can't forgive myselves".

The book says if you accept His love you will not be judged. Not that you will be let go after a time of payment but that you will not be held accountable. That was the gift He gave us. To live forever and not keep beating ourselves up for eternity. He takes it from us in love.

If you reach to the light once and accept His love for you, you can lay down all that you see as fertilizer, even the parts you know are your fault and it is His to judge, not you. His is the higher power. It is His job.

If you have accepted His love how can you not accept His judgement of you? Can you only accept half of Him?. If you punish yourself you are doing His job. I was doing that, not knowing all of Him, not letting Him love me all the way. I couldn't accept it.

A Pardon is a gift. It is not law, not the rule. It is His to give where He will. We can't give it to ourselves and it is hard for us even to give to each other and really mean it. The law doesn't require pardon. His love gifts it to us. He already gave it to you. You only have to believe that and accept it. Then you have to see it.

I have beat myself up for years about letting go the children. Even believing it was best for them I saw me as unable to love them enough to stay and take care of them. I can't see the truth in everything but He showed me His judgement of it this morning. It was what he was talking with me about. Seeing what is. Seeing how He loves me.

The kids are back in my life and they love me. He brought them back to me years before I could even see the pardon in it. He had judged my actions toward them long ago and put them back in my life. It didn't have to turn out this way. If they never had spoken to me again I would have accepted that as right for them. But He brought them back to me.

Who am I to say He made a mistake? To continue to hurt myself with what I did then instead of just being glad I have them to love now was spoiling what I have with a hurt from my past. I had it buried, I thought, but it came back when I wrote it last week.

I thought about bringing it to them so they could say the words they may have in their hearts and I could help them deal with their feelings. I realized I could not heal them. He will have to bring that to them in His time, He may have already and I may never know because we don't discuss it.

Do I have a right to try to ease what was my shame by going to them for forgiveness with it? It might just open healing wounds again and what was the point to that? That I feel better? How loving would that be.

I took it to Him in prayer in my sleep I guess because that is where I was this morning. He already showed me the judgement. I just didn't see it. Now, with His word to me, I can. Thanking Him for the love of my children in my life, all three, I leave their hearts to Him knowing His power to heal in myself, I know it is there for all of us and them too. I can let it go.

As for how my decision has affected them, it is in His power of love to make it right for them in their hearts. He loves them better than I can. By seeing He has judged me good enough and let me have them back I can just be thankful to Him. I can quit hurting myself with my past actions. He says I did good enough. I needed to learn to accept it. I trust Him to heal their hearts for me.

I share what he gave me this morning. I see his judgement of me was given with grace before I even could see it. My judgement of myself was given with heartbreak and shame. He has not hurt me, I did. I let that go today and accept His judgement.

I think we lose our connection to Him when we fear Him. By only acceping His love and not His judgement we are only getting half the gift.

May you know all of Him.

What stops the healing?

Luke006:006 And it came to pass also on another sabbath, that he entered into the synagogue and taught: and there was a man whose right hand was withered. 006:008 ... and said to the man which had the withered hand, Rise up, and stand forth in the midst. And he arose and stood forth. 006:010 And looking round about upon them all, he said unto the man, Stretch forth thy hand. And he did so: and his hand was restored whole as the other.

Jesus probably got tired of trying to even hope we would ever see like he does; The way his pure loving truth sees. I don't think he healed that hand, in his mind, He only changed it. He gave the man what that man saw as perfection; His heart's desire.

I think that, for God's plan in that life, and what he wanted from the man, the withered hand was perfect in God's eyes. That man's other arm was strong and his other hand did for two. He knew lots that most of us hadn't had to learn.

The one handed man learned to offer more than just a hand. He was probably very caring to others, over looking things that were social or physical "flaws" in them. I know he wanted that kindness from them.

He had to think things out and problem solve just to put on his shoes as a child. He would be handy to have around when something needed to be figured out.

Having one hand that doesn't work teaches you different learnings in life than those who seem to be all alike in a perfection you perceive to be desirable. I think the things you learn expand your mind and make your heart more understanding toward others who have things they don't see as perfection either.

I don't think Jesus saw the withered hand as needing healing in his eyes, but the man he loved was unhappy with it, so he gave him what he wanted, to be like everyone else.

It was His grace and mercy He gave. He knew that man could not see the gift so he changed it for him to what he wanted most in his heart then he could grow in faith that Jesus and God loved him. The glory of the miracle is still there. The man with the now perfect hand would go on to other learnings after having that changed for him.

A short one learns to climb and a tall one how to bend and duck, and between them they can teach what they have learned to a medium tall person who can use both solutions to get by.We can't all learn everything, we help each other out.

Measuring and judging that social way we are taught leaves us missing the point. We are perfect as he created us. It's hard to accept ourselves and love us just the way we are. But we are His creations.

The blind man had learned to listen as those that see can not. I am sure his friends came often to talk to him when they had a problem.

The large learn to be gentle and careful, the deaf learn to watch closely. If we saw the perfection in the gift we could all learn from each other how to love like he does.

I try to learn what he teaches me with my life and use it to help others to see that they are perfect in his eyes, and no other eyes count. I forget a lot when I am looking at myself.

I try to remember not to judge others or how they walk here, it is perfect in his eyes and his love does not lie. It's hard to let that judgement I have learned here stay in His hands.

He cares what we carry in our hearts. While we are here we are flesh and he fills those needs too. But he is always shooting right to your heart to teach us how to love Him and trust he knows what he is doing.

He wants us to love and be joy filled, that is the only thing he asks. So I stumble on the best I can and I ask he teaches me to see like him.

That I am perfect as I stand, in his eyes and his love, and so is each of you. If we were all alike and perfect according to social rules we might not seek the depths of understanding and learning that we do. We would not care so well for others who struggle here.We would not love so deeply.

A love that accepts each as perfect as they are; to be willing to reach out a hand to give others what they see they need, to show them how to see their own perfection in Him; To teach them that He lives now and we will always live with Him; I strive for that.

Love Him and trust he leads us, love the one you are with, they are what he has sent us and trusted us to love. Not for him, he loves all that is, but with him, joining together in love between all of us as we walk. That is part of my learning here.

So I try to see each one and compare them to no other. I learn to let myself be just what I am in truth. He knows the truth of me and so I may as well let it shine right out there.

I love. I live. I try to keep on loving every day. I get sad and lonely, too. I'm not a spirit yet. But I know he guides me and that I get all my love from him. I just try to share it where I can.

So the answer to "What stops the healing?" may truely be, "Don't fix it if it ain't broke." as another said.

Just enough

It seems I can't even read email without seeing a learning in it.

I met this boy at the bluegrass festival when I fell and cracked my head on his knee. Come to find out, he went to school with my neice - in another state. He was from her home town.

Today he sent me one link with instructions and then later sent a direct link to what he wanted me to see. I wrote him this:

Your first link was just fine - it gave me what I needed to find what you wanted to share.

Your second link was more direct, perhaps, but by the time I got it open and read it I was already there .

When we share our truth, even imperfectly, it can be enough to get another to see the way to go. We might be able to do it better later- but they will find their way with the little bit we gave them because He will take them on from there.

So you made no mistake. I see you found a better link to share - but I was there already.

But GOD

He asks me to do things I would not do. I say, "But GOD, why?, or But God, I can't or But God, I don't understand, or But God it hurts to be in this or that situation." He uses me as I am and I say, "But God, I am not that".

So I searched "but God" This is in bible order, not mine. I share this with you.

Genesis 31:7 but God did not allow him to hurt me.
Genesis 45:8 So now it was not you who sent me here, but God;
Genesis 48:21 but God will be with you
Genesis 50:20 but God meant it for good
Genesis 50:24 But God will surely visit you
Exodus 13:18 But God led the people around by way of the wilderness
Job 5:15 But God saves [the fatherless] from the sword of their mouth,
Job 34:5 but God has taken away my right;
Psalm 49:15 But God will redeem me
Psalm 64:7 But God will shoot an unexpected arrow at them
Psalm 68:21 But God will shatter the heads of His enemies
Psalm 73:26 but God is the Rock and firm Strength of my heart and my Portion forever.
Psalm 75:7 But God is the Judge! He puts down one and lifts up another.
Psalm 78:52 But [God] led His own people forth like sheep and guided them [with a shepherd's care] like a flock in the wilderness.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 but God alone can satisfy,
Isaiah 17:13 -but [God] will rebuke them
Luke 5:21 Who can forgive sins but God alone?
Luke 16:15 but God knows your hearts.
Acts 2:24 But God raised Him up
Acts 7:9 but God was with him,
Acts 10:28 but God has shown and taught me by words that I should not call any human being common or unhallowed or [ceremonially] unclean.
Romans 5:8 But God shows and clearly proves His love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us.
1 Corinthians 3:6 but God all the while was making it grow and He gave the increase.
1 Corinthians 7:15 But God has called us to peace.
1 Corinthians 10:13 But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted]
1 Corinthians 15:38 But God gives to it the body that He plans and sees fit
2 Corinthians 7:6 But God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed and the sinking,
Ephesians 2:4 But God--so rich is He in His mercy!
Philippians 2:27 But God had compassion on him
1 Thessalonians 4:8 but God, Whose very Spirit that He gives to you is holy (chaste, pure).

Who done it?

I met some new people Friday night at a jam session I had been invited to attend. They came in all shapes and sizes and with all kinds of voices and instruments. Most of them knew each other. I was the "new kid". I felt welcomed enough to be comfortable and I knew one man there that played banjo at the Saturday jam.

I formed an opinion of one of them that was a little less than kind. The word I used was "flaky" - meaning not quite on the planet. I remember it takes one to know one and was ashamed. I tried to see what made me think of him that way. I couldn't figure it out. Later I met his brother and it went from flaky to "off the wall". I had no reason to think that but for the energy they put out. It was loud and bold and seemed just short of rude sometimes.

I finally realized, today, one of them reminded me of an actor who is funny but I don't like much. I just think the characters he plays are a little off in a negative way. The physical resemblence is visible. Two photos might be interesting to look at together to see how close they match.

Did I feel like that man was a little off because in the back of my head a bell rang? Was there a shuffling through of my experiences in life that hit a close match and said, "This one is like that one and that one is not good. Stay back,"? If we only have our own experiences and learnings to judge by here a lot that might be good looks bad.

I got a negative impression first but I went ahead in meeting them anyway, inspite of my first feelings, I took the time to sing with both of them that night. The one is wild but I can see the reason his bold spirit shines out. I would not have known what made him so real and wild if I had not intentionally tried to toss that first impression. He shared something with me that let me know him better. Do we let the negative judgements in us keep us from what might be good, not even knowing why we did it? I think that is what I almost did.

I haven't discounted that first impression all the way yet. I am slow. I know we learn to protect ourselves and others from harmful things. The mistake is in not understanding if the negative is really in them or me. In knowing them as they really are it will go away later or be confirmed and THEN I will decide if I get to know them as real friends. I will have to give it time and experience them as they are. I am pretty sure they are not the movie characters I saw a resemblence to at first.

That is the part that was in me, I am the one that applied it to them. When someone has hurt us in the past in a particular way it stays inside us. If an experience with another rings the bell does it get judged to be like the first one - even if it isn't the same at all? We get reminded of our hurt and anger from the first hurt, but how do we see this event is not that one?

When the bell rings do we just replay those feelings and dump them on one that might not deserve them? How can we do that to one that didn't even really do anything wrong? It just rang a bell from our past. They have no way to understand an earlier hurt or opinion just caused us to react to them as we did. That would mean we were the ones treating them unfairly.

I think that is what holding on to past hurts does to us. The memory of another time and person and pain can step into a new situation and make us back away. We may be losing a chance to have a new friend or enjoy a new event but the fear of something that happened in the past makes us back away.

When we judge someone and their actions by what we have known before are we expressing anger for what just happened or anger at what happened before? If that hurt is still in us and we didn't let it go how can we not hurt others with it? It is what is in us.

I was reminded of an actor by these men. I don't know the man himself, only parts he has played in movies. I didn't like the characters very well. They are not that man but I didn't like the parts he played. I believe a resemblence to that actor brought the negative characters to me. I applied something I feel toward pretend persons, that aren't even real, to other human beings.

That is a little complicated. I don't know if I explained it well. What I am getting from it is there is a reason we are not to judge but to experience life and others in it openly without preconcieved ideas. Many times we don't even realize we have them. Somehow I have to empty my mind and heart of everything that went before and approach each experience and person as new and just what they are - not what I think I might have seen or done with others before. I have to see just what is here and with me now.

I have to understand if someone rings my bell or "pushes my button" that it was not intentional. They can't know me that well yet. It is me that interprets what they did. It is me that is applying old feelings to new people and situations. It is not them.

I judge me full of fertilizer lately. I am glad it makes roses grow. I should have a lot of them. I can't take it out of me. I put it there with my choices in life. I know the one that can turn it, when I give it to Him, to love. He keeps bringing things up to me and I look at that mess and say, "You take it, please. I am sorry all I have to gift you with looks like fertilizer to me."

He smiles and says thank you for each nasty thing I give Him and then he shows it to for what it is in His love. As I give Him this He says there is a reason to be careful what we put in our hearts, it is what will come out of us. I thank Him for helping me try to be more like Him and give it up.

There was another woman there that night. She said, "I think I have met you before." She was playing guitar next to me. I knew as I heard her voice who she was. I had met her at the bluegrass festival this fall. She came to tell me I couldn't smoke where I was standing. I saw several more near me doing the same thing. She didn't go speak to them. They were men or with men. I was a woman alone.

I told her I wasn't aware of a rule, it wasn't posted anywhere and it wasn't on the flyers. I didn't want to make trouble but it really bothered me. We were outside where the wind was taking all the smoke away. I moved to suit her. Her approach and her way of speaking felt just short of rude to me. I knew she was doing what she thought was right but she was not nice about it at all, in my opinion. I have to say I really didn't like her for the way she handled it. I tried to let it go but I was having ornery thoughts. I got it out of my system finally but it took some prayer. I still couldn't love her but I was not angry at her.

So I knew who she was and when I told her I was the woman she told she couldn't smoke at the festival her eyes got round and she said, "Oh, right. I know you now." I saw her remember she should avoid me. She hadn't liked me, either.

I made a point of saying, "We got off to a bad start but that doesn't have anything to do with tonight. I am glad to see you again." "Nice to see you, too," she said. But she didn't speak to me again. We sang and played guitars together and it was fun. No real stress at all was between us. We didn't say good bye to each other when the night ended. I don't know if we can be friends but I am not angry or upset with her and I don't think she was upset with me by the end of the night.

She saw a different side of me and I saw her in a different way. We both got a chance for a second impression. We just are not the same kind of people and I don't think there is much hope we can be friends. I know we are not enemies. I can deal with that.

It was my first experience with her that made me not like her very much. Same for her. She had pushed one of my buttons. That was not her fault. It is my button. I gave it to Him as he showed it to me. I didn't like it very much.

That mutual wariness and avoidance was a valid feeling between she and I. My reaction caused part of it. Her joy in correcting others caused part of it. We both learned in a second meeting we were ok to hang with and play with and I will not avoid her again.

She taught me something. I am still judging by my past experience and not accepting what is happening now. The men that I had labeled flaky gave me hugs and sent me on my way feeling like I had made new friends as I left. If I had treated them like I would have those negative characters I would not have gotten to know them the little bit I did.

I am glad I understand why I got such a bad first impression. I will try to forget all that I have done and known in life and be open to the new experiences and people without those subliminal, sneaky negatives. I am watching for them now. I don't want to find I am not making friends because someone reminded me of another person or situation that hurt. I want to remember each experience is fresh and new each day.

I don't want to be controlled by the past. It's gone. If I have learned from it I want to remember the lesson but not apply them thoughtlessly. I have to pay attention to what I am thinking and feeling.

It's good to know not to try to pet a skunk but it is not good to see black and white cat and be afraid to pet it. You have to check it out for what it is now, not on what is was last time. I have to see life as it is now with each person only themselves and each experience only what it is, not a replay of an old one.

I think that is what I am learning today. To see it in His love, not my experience. It keeps life fresh and new and loving, not old and hurtful. I am not knocking the auto pilot that makes coffee by habit and drives me to work sometimes. I am just saying I don't want that "idiot control" in charge of my relationships with the people in my life.

What am I holding?

By holding something in your hands you limit your ability to respond to the needs of a friend. If your hands are full you can't reach out an hand to a friend.

If you keep and hold all that comes to you to yourself you can't receive more. To keep your hands empty and ready for what he gives you to do you have to give what you have in them where it is needed. It has to be given to Him or to the one here He gave it to you for or used up.

I had full hands one day when a friend came to my door. I couldn't open it for them. I called out and said "You will have to open it yourself." What kind of greeting to a friend is that? What was I hanging on to? A cigarette and the phone. I had a friend who needed to talk, it wasn't just wasting time. But I could have put down the cigarette. I was just shocked at who had arrived and didn't think to do it. I ran right out to say hello come in, But I couldn't open the door.

I was holding a rock in one hand and a pot in the other when I saw the broken pot. I couldn't pick up what I needed until I put one of them down. That was the second thing he brought back to me Sunday and wanted me to write about.

I don't think I have it all right yet, but I share with you what I have and I will continue to pray about it.

Lord let me always have a hand to offer a friend, don't let them be too full of myself.

Changes

The very first time
I thought someone did me wrong
and did not understand why
I put it in my heart and it hurt.
So I made a pirate chest
and put that hurt in there;
with the hate I was told
I shouldn't feel
and the anger at them
I couldn't show.

I bound it around
with chains and locks
and forgot it,
I thought.
I buried it deeply
under the roots
of a large blasted tree
Black and crooked
it stood to mark the spot
and an X of red
on the ground
showed me where
the hurt would be found.

In life that hurt
would escape it's depths
and sting in my heart.
If I was depressed
or life was hard
I'd start with that first hurt
and go through them all.

I'd sit under the black tree
by the stinking swamp
and dig up each one
and hurt myself
with all that I'd ever
done wrong
or thought
another had done
to me in my life.

Then one came to me,
right to my heart.
I said, "Why are you here?"
He said, "A friend asked me to come."
I was shamed of the
tree and the dark
and the swamp.
He said "There's nowhere here
for us to sit and talk.
May I make one?"
Then he paused.

He looked at me
with so much sweet care
I saw what he saw
and bowed with my cares
in front of him
then whispered,
"Please -
if you would like
to talk with me."

He walked the length
and then the width
of my heart,
and stopped in the center
under the tree.
He was right on the x
of that very first hurt
He smiled and said,
"This might hurt,
but I promise, for
only a moment or two
and then
it will always be beautiful.
May I do as I wish here?
It's up to you."

I knew that he loved me
and saw what I'd built
then thought,
"Anything is better
than this dark smelly filth."
So I lifted my head,
I looked into his eyes
and I said, "Yes".

What a surprise!
Too much pain!
The tears filled my eyes,
in anger and shame
and hurt and grief -
the deep sobs came.
The touch of him
burned deep and true
through each mucky place
he walked through.

Each one was showed me
as I had carried it there
and then
he changed it
and made it pure
The swamp became a
singing stream with
grassy banks where
cat tails grew.

The trunks he dug up,
blasted the chains,
opened the tops
and out it came.
Betrayals,
mine and done to me,
hate given by others
hates given by me
Unfairness, Shame,
Lies and Theft,
all my Broken hearts
from the loves in my life.

He showed me it all
and I felt each pain
but as he looked at it
with His love
it changed
or was gone -
as he decreed.
Every hurtful time,
each shame filled deed.
He took them all
into the flame
of his love
and then began
to give them back
in their truth.

In His hands,
the gifts he gave
of wisdom and
understanding
were flowers for me.
Lilies of yellow, red,
white and glowing
now along the stream
were growing.

My crying had slowed
and in awe I stood
stooped with exaustion
from the work
he had done.
He said, "Just one more time,
I need you to be
right here with me
in front of this tree."

I joined him there
by the beautiful brook
under the blasted tree
and then the ground shook
while his hand reached out
to steady me.
His flaming love
took that tree inside
and gave to us
a stump of glowing wood
where soft green moss
growed along the roots
and we could both fit
to sit and visit.

He gestured to me
to be seated there
beside him
in the center of my heart.
He put his arms around
me, pulled me close,
said, "Close your eyes"
and so I did.

There was a glow
and a breeze
with the scent of the flowers, then
"Open your eyes"
I heard from his sweet voice.
In front of my eyes there was,
green and dancing,
a happy little willow sapling
just tall enough to
shade the stump
on the grassy bank
by the singing brook.

Now tears fell freely
across my face
as I looked around
at the beautiful place
he had made for me
of the nasty mess
my heart had become
from the
life I'd lead.
I was silenced and numbed
by his gift to me
and just looked at him.
He looked back at me
with a smile and
said, "This is my favorite part
of loving you all. I love
designing hearts.

Each one is different
no two the same
and you are always so glad
to see I came.
Thank you for letting me
do this, it's fun."

Stunned, I cried,
"What have I done,
ever, for you,
that you would give
such a gift to me and
what will I ever be able,
as small as I am,
to do for you,
you wonderful friend?"

His smile was so deep
and his laughter so clear
then he spoke,
"Share this with me,
may I just stay here.
I have always loved you
and I always will.
The joy for me
is to be with you."

"See this?"and he reached
down and pulled up
the most beautiful box,
so small it had
gone unseen by me.
He opened it up
and out flew my joy
and my songs and my
dreams
my girls and my boy.
My loves were all safe
and, like birds with
bright wings,
they sat in the willow
chirping and singing.

"You always kept them here,
safely under the roots
the most precious treasure -
your loves and your truths -
but you kept them protected
from the swamp and the tree
I knew they were here -
and you kept them for me."

"That's what you have done child,
where ever you walked
was love those I brought you
what ever the results."
He showed me the beauty
of loving in truth.

I could not bear it.
I cried at their beauty.
then begged,
Please, that's for you.
It's too much love for me
to keep safe,
out of it's chest,
and all over the place.
I can't do it - I'll hurt them
so I hid them there
where they'd never be touched
by the dark dank swamp
or the stinking muck
of my life had
become."

"I know I might hurt them,
with my ways or
my words, and
I would never
hurt anyone ever again.
I can't bear the shame
that I might be unkind
or cruel even,
Protect them from me.
Please,
You keep them."

I swear that he laughed
right in my face
then reached for my hand
and pulled me to my feet.
"I wouldn't forget
how you treasured my friends
and the gifts I gave you
and you can't begin
to know the love inside you.
You've always kept it
apart in your box
and now I want it here -
right in your heart."

"I almost
forgot to show you this",
then we walked together
to the stream.
He reached out a hand,
the singing stilled,
and the creek became
a shining pool.
"Look in," he told me,
I want you to view
the truth of the love
I see in you, friend."

So I knelt beside
the shining pool
in the grass and lilies
and saw the vision
of who he says I am
with his glow behind me
shining over my head.

I cried out loud,
"Oh no, I am not that!"
Again he laughed,
but I went on,

"She's strong and clean
alive and fresh,
tawny and golden
with not a flaw.
Look at her smile,
look at her hair!
What a woman she is,
but that's not me.
I wish it was but
I see I am not that."

He asked, "Why not?"
I answered in gasps,
between the tears,
"My teeth are bad,
I'm short and fat,
like a troll.
And my feet,
oh, they are a mess
and my skin is scarred
and my face is ugly
with no eyebrows or lashes
and my eyes are tiny.
I have a neck like a frog.
My hair! It's dry
and crisp and hard.
I smell of smoke from
cigarettes and sometimes
of drink and sweat.
I am not that!"

Then he said to me,
"I give it the body I chose
to walk within the world
but when we sit and talk
here in your heart
hold this thought dear
the truth of you
sits with me here.
Your spirit I gave you
is golden and strong
and reflects my light
to all where you walk.
The truth of you
and your loving heart
is a beauty beyond
worldly eyes or it's hurts"

"It's how I protect those
I hold most dear
from the corseness of
the blind ones
walking down there
I hide them in bodies
that humans can see -
but not marr
the beauty of your spirit.
That can only be seen
with the truth of love.

It's very sad
to hide beauty so
But the truth of my love
will always show
to each of you
the beauty that is
the truth of them.
I have dressed
each spirit
with my light and my love
and I give you my sight
to search each one you meet
for the love and truth inside
for that is where beauty
forever abides."

I see how kind his gift to me
of protection and love
and His wiser ways
to guide my steps
So now we sit
by the singing stream
on the mossy stump
and the birds all sing
while the clean breeze of his love
wanders through
constantly washing
the love over all.

I take to him now,
my fears and my needs
and my friends
and my hurts
and he turns them for me
into beautiful things
or he takes them to him
and then they never
bother me again.

And this is promised forever.

Shattered

I wanted to pot a plant to give to give a friend for her new home. I had a bulb I wanted to plant, too. I would need two pots.

I went out to get the ones I wanted. They were out near the trash can. When I found the one for the bulb I realized why I had put it out there. The bottom in it was solid, no hole for drainage.

I reached for the second pot I had planned on. It was a plain clay one. I realized it was broken. I was dismayed. Now what could I do? I needed two pots.This one was trash.I would have to clean up the mess, too.

I found a bean pot there that I had used before. It was there for the same reason the first one was, no drainage hole. I had been going to get rid of them because I like pots with drainage better. That way I don't hurt my plants if I over water them.

I started looking around for something to use to for letting the water through. I found a few rocks for one pot but not enough for two. I kept looking.

I found one more good rock to put in second pot. I didn't see any others. One was not enough. For drainage you have to have several rocks to create a space between them for water to run into.

My eye lit on the broken pot. The pieces looked kind of large. I moved it with my hand and found some that were just the right size. The curved side down would make a space under the dirt for the water. Perfect!

I was putting the smaller curved pieces in the bottom when I realized what I was using to make sure the plants would grow.

Shards, remainders, left overs, trash, a mess I was going to have to clean up. I was using them to make sure a plant would live and grow. Without them I couldn't make the gift I wanted for my friend.

Those small, curved shards were perfect. Even when I packed down the dirt, they would keep the space beneath them.

Broken and buried under the dirt, trash that had called them, they were providing a way for a plant to live. They were just what I needed.

They were not trash anymore to me. They were water flow control devices. I was glad I had them.

What's in a name? What do you think? It defines how you see it.

Say broken pot and your mind shows you a picture.

Say trash and you see something different.

Say water flow control device and tell me what you saw in your mind.

I am guessing
.
.
.
.
.
.

a faucet. a pipe. a gutter. a hose. All something good and useful to you.

That is the power of words. That is the power of judgement.

Sometimes people look like left overs. We can feel broken and shattered. We think we are good for nothing anymore. What use am I all smashed and crushed? What would I be good for? Who can love me like this?

No one wants to be the shard in the bottom of the pot. It's dark and lonely there. But even lying broken and alone in the dark you can be just what is needed. You can do what only you could do just the way you are.

Be careful what you label broken, shattered, worthless or trash. He broke it for a reason. The value is in what He does with it. It's all in how you see it.

I try to see it His way. Each of us is precious to Him. He never sees trash or useless lives, all life belongs to Him.