Changes

The very first time
I thought someone did me wrong
and did not understand why
I put it in my heart and it hurt.
So I made a pirate chest
and put that hurt in there;
with the hate I was told
I shouldn't feel
and the anger at them
I couldn't show.

I bound it around
with chains and locks
and forgot it,
I thought.
I buried it deeply
under the roots
of a large blasted tree
Black and crooked
it stood to mark the spot
and an X of red
on the ground
showed me where
the hurt would be found.

In life that hurt
would escape it's depths
and sting in my heart.
If I was depressed
or life was hard
I'd start with that first hurt
and go through them all.

I'd sit under the black tree
by the stinking swamp
and dig up each one
and hurt myself
with all that I'd ever
done wrong
or thought
another had done
to me in my life.

Then one came to me,
right to my heart.
I said, "Why are you here?"
He said, "A friend asked me to come."
I was shamed of the
tree and the dark
and the swamp.
He said "There's nowhere here
for us to sit and talk.
May I make one?"
Then he paused.

He looked at me
with so much sweet care
I saw what he saw
and bowed with my cares
in front of him
then whispered,
"Please -
if you would like
to talk with me."

He walked the length
and then the width
of my heart,
and stopped in the center
under the tree.
He was right on the x
of that very first hurt
He smiled and said,
"This might hurt,
but I promise, for
only a moment or two
and then
it will always be beautiful.
May I do as I wish here?
It's up to you."

I knew that he loved me
and saw what I'd built
then thought,
"Anything is better
than this dark smelly filth."
So I lifted my head,
I looked into his eyes
and I said, "Yes".

What a surprise!
Too much pain!
The tears filled my eyes,
in anger and shame
and hurt and grief -
the deep sobs came.
The touch of him
burned deep and true
through each mucky place
he walked through.

Each one was showed me
as I had carried it there
and then
he changed it
and made it pure
The swamp became a
singing stream with
grassy banks where
cat tails grew.

The trunks he dug up,
blasted the chains,
opened the tops
and out it came.
Betrayals,
mine and done to me,
hate given by others
hates given by me
Unfairness, Shame,
Lies and Theft,
all my Broken hearts
from the loves in my life.

He showed me it all
and I felt each pain
but as he looked at it
with His love
it changed
or was gone -
as he decreed.
Every hurtful time,
each shame filled deed.
He took them all
into the flame
of his love
and then began
to give them back
in their truth.

In His hands,
the gifts he gave
of wisdom and
understanding
were flowers for me.
Lilies of yellow, red,
white and glowing
now along the stream
were growing.

My crying had slowed
and in awe I stood
stooped with exaustion
from the work
he had done.
He said, "Just one more time,
I need you to be
right here with me
in front of this tree."

I joined him there
by the beautiful brook
under the blasted tree
and then the ground shook
while his hand reached out
to steady me.
His flaming love
took that tree inside
and gave to us
a stump of glowing wood
where soft green moss
growed along the roots
and we could both fit
to sit and visit.

He gestured to me
to be seated there
beside him
in the center of my heart.
He put his arms around
me, pulled me close,
said, "Close your eyes"
and so I did.

There was a glow
and a breeze
with the scent of the flowers, then
"Open your eyes"
I heard from his sweet voice.
In front of my eyes there was,
green and dancing,
a happy little willow sapling
just tall enough to
shade the stump
on the grassy bank
by the singing brook.

Now tears fell freely
across my face
as I looked around
at the beautiful place
he had made for me
of the nasty mess
my heart had become
from the
life I'd lead.
I was silenced and numbed
by his gift to me
and just looked at him.
He looked back at me
with a smile and
said, "This is my favorite part
of loving you all. I love
designing hearts.

Each one is different
no two the same
and you are always so glad
to see I came.
Thank you for letting me
do this, it's fun."

Stunned, I cried,
"What have I done,
ever, for you,
that you would give
such a gift to me and
what will I ever be able,
as small as I am,
to do for you,
you wonderful friend?"

His smile was so deep
and his laughter so clear
then he spoke,
"Share this with me,
may I just stay here.
I have always loved you
and I always will.
The joy for me
is to be with you."

"See this?"and he reached
down and pulled up
the most beautiful box,
so small it had
gone unseen by me.
He opened it up
and out flew my joy
and my songs and my
dreams
my girls and my boy.
My loves were all safe
and, like birds with
bright wings,
they sat in the willow
chirping and singing.

"You always kept them here,
safely under the roots
the most precious treasure -
your loves and your truths -
but you kept them protected
from the swamp and the tree
I knew they were here -
and you kept them for me."

"That's what you have done child,
where ever you walked
was love those I brought you
what ever the results."
He showed me the beauty
of loving in truth.

I could not bear it.
I cried at their beauty.
then begged,
Please, that's for you.
It's too much love for me
to keep safe,
out of it's chest,
and all over the place.
I can't do it - I'll hurt them
so I hid them there
where they'd never be touched
by the dark dank swamp
or the stinking muck
of my life had
become."

"I know I might hurt them,
with my ways or
my words, and
I would never
hurt anyone ever again.
I can't bear the shame
that I might be unkind
or cruel even,
Protect them from me.
Please,
You keep them."

I swear that he laughed
right in my face
then reached for my hand
and pulled me to my feet.
"I wouldn't forget
how you treasured my friends
and the gifts I gave you
and you can't begin
to know the love inside you.
You've always kept it
apart in your box
and now I want it here -
right in your heart."

"I almost
forgot to show you this",
then we walked together
to the stream.
He reached out a hand,
the singing stilled,
and the creek became
a shining pool.
"Look in," he told me,
I want you to view
the truth of the love
I see in you, friend."

So I knelt beside
the shining pool
in the grass and lilies
and saw the vision
of who he says I am
with his glow behind me
shining over my head.

I cried out loud,
"Oh no, I am not that!"
Again he laughed,
but I went on,

"She's strong and clean
alive and fresh,
tawny and golden
with not a flaw.
Look at her smile,
look at her hair!
What a woman she is,
but that's not me.
I wish it was but
I see I am not that."

He asked, "Why not?"
I answered in gasps,
between the tears,
"My teeth are bad,
I'm short and fat,
like a troll.
And my feet,
oh, they are a mess
and my skin is scarred
and my face is ugly
with no eyebrows or lashes
and my eyes are tiny.
I have a neck like a frog.
My hair! It's dry
and crisp and hard.
I smell of smoke from
cigarettes and sometimes
of drink and sweat.
I am not that!"

Then he said to me,
"I give it the body I chose
to walk within the world
but when we sit and talk
here in your heart
hold this thought dear
the truth of you
sits with me here.
Your spirit I gave you
is golden and strong
and reflects my light
to all where you walk.
The truth of you
and your loving heart
is a beauty beyond
worldly eyes or it's hurts"

"It's how I protect those
I hold most dear
from the corseness of
the blind ones
walking down there
I hide them in bodies
that humans can see -
but not marr
the beauty of your spirit.
That can only be seen
with the truth of love.

It's very sad
to hide beauty so
But the truth of my love
will always show
to each of you
the beauty that is
the truth of them.
I have dressed
each spirit
with my light and my love
and I give you my sight
to search each one you meet
for the love and truth inside
for that is where beauty
forever abides."

I see how kind his gift to me
of protection and love
and His wiser ways
to guide my steps
So now we sit
by the singing stream
on the mossy stump
and the birds all sing
while the clean breeze of his love
wanders through
constantly washing
the love over all.

I take to him now,
my fears and my needs
and my friends
and my hurts
and he turns them for me
into beautiful things
or he takes them to him
and then they never
bother me again.

And this is promised forever.