Not guilty

Another man, who stood like the center post of a large building of love, has left hearts fallen and jumbled behind him. His presence was removed from our lives here and he moves on up the path ahead of us now.

I have no concern for my friend that is gone but the shattered hearts left behind are many, varied and share one thing. My friend was one who cares and he treasured those like him with hearts that care who use their strength to help others.

When you have a heart that cares little leaves it untouched. Losing one that was so much to you as he was leaves a gaping space to heal in a heart that knows how to love.

I just do not have words for them that love him, I can only offer comfort them my tears and my hugs while the hurt is this raw. It is a deep regret in me that I was not available when they called to share the news.

I prayed for understanding, how could he have let me miss this call? Then I remembered who it was that was taken home.

He would not have spent five minutes waiting on a "maybe" when he had a sure thing, like a sunny day to ride in, whistling at him to live it.

I had been out to be with friends that needed help that morning. I continued to where my heart is lifted and, while there, met a friend from long ago in need of cheering and comfort. I gave it and a promise of more if I can. I ordered the cake for my mother's bday the next day. I was living and loving and caring and I got home when I got there.

My friend would never expect me to neglect those I care about or to forget to recharge my spirit so I would have what I needed to meet this hurt with love. He would have skipped his ride to heaven if someone needed him still.

I know that he delayed it until the one he loved most could reach him. As I love him for the effort that took, he loves me because of my caring heart.

I might have missed the gathering of raw grief but I am here for all of them that my need me for the long haul.

I see I needed to forgive me that I didn't know he was going. I had to forgive me for not always being at home. I had to forgive me for living and loving when he can't any more. I had to forgive me if one needed me and I wasn't there.

But when I got the call I reported in and went on to where I was needed most - being with the ones that I feel responsible for and loving them as I can. Meeting the needs I can and helping find solutions to the ones I can not.

I can't do everything I wish I could but I do what He brings me. It's never wrong to love and care - I know, my friend taught me that.