I can't, again

I can't do it.

I can't keep someone from making a poor decision. I can't help everywhere I see the need for it. I can't change the weather when people are too broke to pay for heat. I can see the hurt hearts and broken hearts and blind hearts in pain. I can see the needs around me but I just can't help them all. I can't hardly do anything for anyone right now. My resources have been limited again.

It's discouraging to the point of tears sometimes.

I can't be anything other than what I am. I'm not rich enough, powerful enough, strong enough, smart enough - or whatever "enough" it is - to do what I think would be good for me or those around me.

There is a reason for this.

1 Corinthians 1

25 [This is] because the foolish thing [that has its source in] God is wiser than men, and the weak thing [that springs] from God is stronger than men.

26 For [simply] consider your own call, brethren; not many [of you were considered to be] wise according to human estimates and standards, not many influential and powerful, not many of high and noble birth.

27 [No] for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame.

28 And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are...

I have to remember it's not my job to heal the world, only to love those brought to me the best I can while they are with me. This day, this person, this one thing they need help with or I need help with.

If it is only to listen while they let go of the hurt in their day, I can do that. I can't change what is hurting them, though and that has weighed on my heart so very much these last months.

Now - how is someone to see the invisible love working in their life if every time they have a need or a hurt they only see a human helping? If everything that happens in life makes sense, follows a pattern, fits our view of the world we keep thinking humans are all there is.

How can the Divine Love show it exists if it's always a strong person addressing the need? Someone with resources to spare and a heart to use them can make a real difference in this world. I believe we are to love and care for each other here. But that isn't all there is.

It's the letter from an old friend with a check in it. It's meeting just the doctor you need in an elevator. Meeting a person in line at the store and finding out they know a perfect job for you; Finding exactly what you needed sitting on the corner for free....

The Love brings these things to you through others that have no way to know there is a need. You see it every day in your life and those around you. I believe that is The Divine Love in action.

For me God's middle name is "Coincidence".

Discouraged

John 6:26 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, you have been searching for Me, not because you saw the miracles and signs but because you were fed with the loaves and were filled and satisfied.

I did a lot of thinking about this one over the last several months. When I read it I heard a hurt in it. Jesus was a man with a heart when he said it. But it was his spirit hurting that I heard, not his ego.

I can't recall anywhere the words from him were "darn, they don't like me". But over and over he sighs for lack of being able to get the real point across - like in the verse above.

I know, and from deep in my heart I want you to know that I KNOW - you didn't come because you saw the miracles and signs - but because you were fed and satisfied with only food. You didn't seek me for the love, but for your needs to be filled.

I try to tell you about the love and you nod your head because you can't speak with your mouth full. I have not touched your hearts, only your hungry bodies. I have not lit your soul with love but only eased your physical hunger. You will be hungry again tomorrow. You will be without the love again tomorrow.

That was his sadness - their hearts and souls didn't get it, were not touched from what he did, only their bodies. I got a taste of that feeling lately. I have tried to show people that no matter how much I do for them and others that my needs are met when I am doing the work he brought to me, loving them.

It shows. My bills are paid, my truck runs, the dogs are fed and I have what I need even after I help them with what they need. I somtimes do so much that they think I will be going without. But everytime something happens and my needs are filled.

I wanted them to see that loving them the best I know how is what he brings my heart to do, sharing that the Divine Loving Being is real here and alive and only loving, is what I try to do. To share that we don't die, that we live and love on is part of it, too.

What they see is that they have food in the cupboard. They have what they need coming. But they think I did it. They don't see that I may have shared with them but what I need to have available to share is brought to me. Sometimes even before I even know there is a need for it somewhere I will be walking.

And they don't love me. They love what I can do for them. I stand alone here in heart and body, but in spirit I am rich in love. Here they are my friends but they fade when I have met their needs. Or when I can no longer meet their needs. Sometimes that happens so they will reach for the real comforter.

When I see no change in the way they share and love others. I didn't get the love across.
That is his sadness. He didn't get it said or done well enough or the right way to have it touch their hearts and show them the way to live in love on their own, they seek him to fill their bellies. He tells them more....

John 6:27 Stop toiling and doing and producing for the food that perishes and decomposes [in the using], but strive and work and produce rather for the [lasting] food which endures [continually] unto life eternal; the Son of Man will give (furnish) you that, for God the Father has authorized and certified Him and put His seal of endorsement upon Him.

John 6:28 They then said, What are we to do, that we may [habitually] be working the works of God? [What are we to do to carry out what God requires?]

John 6:29 Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].

Believe what I showed you is real and all your needs will be met by Him whom I represent. You don't need me for this to be real in your life, you need to love and work for Him.

I can love them, and care and try to fill the needs I see around me, but if I don't somehow communicate to their hearts that Love is what we are and being loving to each other is what we do for each life to be the best life it can then I may have failed, in a way, too. The world is a better place with each loving action taken by anyone everyday. I want that world for my grands.

For us to be kind and loving, sharing and caring, not ripping and fighting and hurting each other is a vision I hold dear. I don't want to have to switch dimensions to enjoy it. We can have it here.

I love more deeply now. I see that to give is to love and to forgive is to love and that, sometimes, to leave is to love. I try to do what is most loving. It's not always what I want to do. It has become what I need to do.

I fight it on occasion, I don't like it sometimes, when the most loving thing for another is not the most loving thing for me. I hurt from it here as a human woman. But eventually I work it through and can do it with a smiling heart.

We all have a desire to be loved and look for that love in ways we understand here. We seek it in each other. We only find it when we look to the love for everyone else first. Making the world a better place for everyone doesn't always make it a better place for us...I'm not saying it well.

But my heart is at peace when I do what I know is loving truth. That's the part that lets me know I did the right thing for them. I have to listen to it and be glad, no matter how alone or sad I feel from an action, that I did what was loving in a loving way. Not in anger, not from meaness, not vengeful, not selfish and not greedy for me, but the most loving thing for them.

Even when it hurts now I know it is love that hurts me. Here I can't see the long view and the big picture but I know that when I am being loving that I am stitching in the colors that will make it beautiful for all of us one day.

And when I see one that comes because I meet their needs I still smile to be spending time with one I love. I just wish I could do more for them than feed them. I want to ease their hearts and souls and lift the pain from them.

I can't, but I know who can and I ask Him to touch their lives everyday until they know and love with Him, too.

But, like Jesus, I have those times I am discouraged. I know they seek me for the wrong reason. Or they leave for the wrong reason.

One loving kindness at a time, I keep trying anyway.

You are loved. You are not going to die. You will live and love beyond the death of this body. Feed your soul and grow forever. Feed the love to others and let them learn to love here, too and the world is a little better place.

One Way too See

I liked the concept that how I see the world and react and interact with it is unique to me. I can try to understand how others see it. The only way I can see it is my way.

That's true for each of us. There is no way to break all the walls, social, emotional and self imposed, that each of us use to present ourselves to another. Even in the most committed and trusting relationships there are parts of us we don't share. I call it the kernel of me.

But we do the best we can. I put up the website http://1way2see.com/ and posted this blog there for now. As I go it will morph into something related to Dead is Just a Four Letter Word. I'm thinking of posting about my feelings on reading the letters I get. There have been some heart aching stories that have come my way. While I couldn't share them, I can relate how my day can be affected by them, my heart torn and my spirit lifted.

I have made friends, virtual ones, of some of those that write to me. I found places to meet others that have died and returned. It's been amazing.

For now it is just the same as this blog. You might want to go bookmark the site for future reference. It's gonna change when I have time.

Give it up.

You get told that - "You're beating your head against a stone wall. Give it up!"

Today the words that came to me were "Give it up."

I don't like giving up when I have started something. There is are situations in my life that I have worked hard at and put a lot of time, money, effort and my very heart into. Some of them ain't goin nowhere. I have to give it up. That made me sad.

Then I realized what I had to do was "give it UP^" I took it in prayer and laid it on the lap of my friend, the Christ. I could tell Him how hard I tried and how disappointed I am that I am not what is needed when I want so to be needed and loved. I told him how I still screw up even when it's love I'm trying to express. I told Him I was sorry I can't do more. I have to give it up.

He took it for me. There is no shame in giving it up to Him. He knows we can't always "fix it" down here. It's not us that opens hearts and eyes and minds, it's Him. All we can do is show others it works in our lives by living what we believe. Their choices are theirs.

I can point them to Him, I can say and show I look to Him, only He can open them to the love that is theirs from Him.

Sometimes I try too hard. I "work at" trying to do what should be easy for me when it's something I love doing. I know that when I am trying to please others here and not the Divine Love I get all tensed up. It hurts when what I do seems not to be enough or appreciated.

Today I have to "give it Up^" and give up trying so hard myself. I have to know I don't need to feel I have failed. I have done what I can, the rest is up to Him.

Silly me, thinking I can change even one heart when I can't even control myself without His guidance. Foolish me, being hurt because I'm not good enough by other humans standards. In His eyes I am enough.

I gotta remember what's important is just to give, show and share love. The rest is "up^" to Him.

First Fruits

I looked up "tithe" and, after some reading, decided to leave it at a percent of your increase that you give where it's needed out of love. The Old Testament is more specific. It's not worth getting all stirred up about. It means to put back part of what you recieve for others benefit and dedicate it to God. In my case that means to Love. (Different words, same thing)

The book says some other things about tithes, articles say many things about tithes. What I have been thinkng about is the phrase "first fruits" - "the firstfruits of your toil" (Exodus 23:16) . It's the first place I can find this phrase.

Fruit - offspring - increase - things that grow from an established plant or person. Things that grow, produce seed of their own after they separate from their "creator". This continues through the generations and into the future, well past the first tree that put out a seed or the first child.

The first fruits of our toil is not just a cut of the cash we make going to work. It's not just the produce we grow and share with our neighbors - it's us. We are the first fruits of the previous generations. Then there are our first fruits. I see it as our talents, our skills, our knowledge and our abilities.

I see first fruits in how we show love to others here; how we raise our children to care and love - or not. Not as we told them, but as we showed them, we will see our fruit in them.

I wish I had done better for my children but they have learned from others in their lives to live and love even when I could not show it well. They love.

That's a large part of what we pass on to the next generations following us - love; how to, how not to, caring for each other, believing in each other. Love shared is"first fruits", too.

It's not all about the money and who gets it. It's the time and who you share it with. We seem to spend most of our time with people we pass by as "co-workers", not friends and certainly not anyone we would show loving care to. When we get back to the little bit of time left for our families we are tired and often need some love showed to us, too. To find the energy to love your family and do something besides sit beside them in front of the TV is beyond many of us.

What will the fruit be of that kind of life? We see it all around us. Kids whose parent's are busy keeping up with chores and the responsibilities of life, but not finding time to be with those "first fruits" and love them. Dad's exausted and wondering why he doesn't want to spend time with Mom. Mom is beat and wishing she could find more time for Dad. They both see the kids slipping away but don't know how to pull them back....scattered energy, scattered families being sent into the future where the fruit will be tough and dry.

To put your best forth for "tithe" you don't need to have money - look where love is needed and give what you can to each one you meet. Some days I don't love as well as others. Most of the time I am afraid I love too well and leave myself or those that look to me feeling shorted. I just keep trying.

Those tired families? Take over a meal on a Wednesday night after work and heat it up so they can sit down with you ( and each other) and spend time together. Take the kids with you for a night. Don't know what to do with them? Teach them how to do something you love doing. I intend to make candles again soon and have a couple kids over. Their folks get a break and time to be with each other, I get company, the dogs get petted and the kids get some much needed attention. We all get candles.

Doesn't seem like a tithe to you? Gas to get the kids, food to feed them, something to do isn't always free either. Patience with more people around than you are used to and the time to do it. Looks like a tithe to me. First fruits given to show love to another.

It applies to your job, your hobbies, your daily walk - how can you give a tithe from a walk? Invite someone to go with you that needs companionship or exercise. What's the tithe? Your alone time, your energy, your listening to the birds left behind to hear your friend talk....

Think of how many people have contributed to your abilities and skills that you use everyday. I remember my grampa telling me how to line up the wheel on the lawn mower to get the widest cut but still not miss any spots. I used it yesterday to conserve gas while I mowed. Maybe I didn't save much, but what I did was because he took the time to teach me the best way. It was 45 years ago but I use it every time I mow. He took the time to be with me and show me how.

If I make a loaf of bread I see it took a lot of people to get the wheat, sugar, yeast, eggs, milk and salt to me. It took more to provide the oven I use and the power that heats it. You can get quite a long list if you try to include every single thing that goes into you making a loaf of bread. Don't forget the cook who taught you how and the book or card you pulled the recipe out of and the people that brought it to you. Remember the guy that invented eletricity or how to contain gas fuels....it's a lot of people and could go back to the first woman that crushed grain with a rock...

What can I do to pass on love showed to me? First fruits should be sharing that remarkable loaf of bread with those you love - not just by eating it warm with strawberry jam - but by teaching another to make a loaf of bread from scratch, by rewriting the recipe for a friend, by showing someone how to grind the flour from the wheat itself. Using your knowledge to have more bread made down the road is, to me, first fruits.

You can tithe "by the book", giving a percent of your income, or you can give of your "first fruits", the love that has been gifted to you by others in your life and pass it on.

I just realized I do fairly well with first fruits, not too bad with the "tithe" and have had love in all my days. That's a pretty good return on my investment.

Others have had like thoughts. I found this one researching my definitions today. It makes the cut for first fruits, in my opinion. E-Sword is a free computer bible study program. Read the first page and see what you think.

In the mean time, if the cash for the tithe is a little short just remember you can make up the difference in love.

Grace

Grace. I can not explain it well. It must be experienced by each one.

Love without conditions or restrictions. Divine forgiveness. The healing of a soul's heart. The gift of joy in living again as you were made to be. To leave the hurts, shames and hates of this life time with Him. Your life's experiences no longer marring your behavior or perceptions. Changed. Clean. Fresh again. Remade.

He can take a memory in your heart and not change the way it happened but change the way you see it and change the results of that event so it works now for the good of His plan.


It is His gift to us - knowing that not only are we loved just as we are but so is each one of us. We are all loved.


A friend said, "I still remember my life and the things I did that I saw as wrong. I carry them in a different aspect now. They don't hurt me anymore."


I said He gave me a way to see things so I could better understand and forgive, not just the others in my life, but even myself.

We both meant that we were forgiven and forgave ourselves, our lives were ours again to live in joy, not shame, happiness, not despair.

The feeling fades and returns. I can't always hang on to the grace. It's there every time I reach for it and never fails to heal my heart.

As you are, you are loved.

Hiatus

I have been "doing" more than "thinking" lately. I came to the conclusion that that is as it should be. Lofty thoughts never got the dishes done, so to speak.

I haven't stopped my relationship with the Divine so much as come to trust that Being to guide me as I go. I don't have to stop every second and write a thought down to share, I think I have to reach out to those around me and apply the beliefs I hold.

Like do unto others, it's all just stuff and stuff all just burns up, love 'em while ya got 'em, find the joy in the day, and put my energy and time where my pen is.....

That's some mangling of the language...sorry.

I got hit by a song today on the radio as I drove to work. It just made me cry. It wasn't "Last Kiss" or "Leader of the Pack" or even "He stopped loving her today". Those all touch my heart.

It was "I will survive".

However confused and painful the days are; even if the days are good in my determination; I will survive - forever.

I may royally screw up. I may fail in my estimation of not succeeding. I might even blow it all off and run off to a beach and leave it all behind me and change my name. I can still hurt myself and others here. I can still spend nights crying in lonliness. I can get mad, mean, even, snotty, crude, rude and thoughtless.

I don't chose that right now - but I could. Some days I lean toward the hard side of me more than I like even still.

But I will survive. I am loved just as I am. I am just as beautiful a creation now as I was when I stood before that Being of Love I met when I died.

What a gift - Grace.

Loved for being exactly as you are. No judgement, just acceptance of all of your self.

Thank you.

Where's the line?

How far can (will, should, could, may, do) I go? How far will I reach out to another? How far is too far? Is there a limit on how far the Divine Love can support and provide for me? Is it possible to "over reach" myself? Have I gone too far?


I'm in it again up to my neck and maybe even my lips....I have been giving what I do not feel I have too share. I am giving more than I think I have to share. I am going further than social limits, further than family limits and even reaching beyond my previous limits to show loving care and help to others. I'm putting almost all I can see a way to share on the line and then stepping over it a little further...


It's scary. I could really screw myself up doing this. Can't I? Or can the Love that created all fail to raise me over the limits I impose on my ability to share?


Well, duh. I can reach further than God can. I can share more than Love can provide. I can offer more than I can give because I may not have enough for me.


Sometimes I feel pretty stupid and heartless. Why do I keep thinking (at all, LOL) that my needs, as infimetesimal as they are, can't be met? What makes me think that I have so much more loving care in my heart for others than the Divine Love holds for them?


I can give it all away or have it all taken away and it will all come to me again as I need it.

How can you reach out too far when you reach with love?

There ain't no line except the ones we draw ourselves. I'm gonna use my eraser a bunch and do what it seems was brought to me to do.

Just right

If you read the post before this one then you are caught up.

Now I have to add this - Every bit of what I put in of my own contribution to beef up the tithe has been returned to me. If you figure the mileage out the gas was covered, too.

I lost a check a while ago. It was reissued yesterday. There was tithe from another person directed to me. The total was what I put out for my friend and the gas. Honest.

It's just so strange to see the needs met around me and then see my own met with no communication directed to any of those that contribute. It just happens. We feel like we need to do something or go visit someone or drop off a meal or whatever and it turns out to be just what was needed.

I think I need one thing and I recieve another. I have someone ask for something and fill the need with something else.

Being open to any possible answer is something I have been working on. I don't seek "money", I ask for the need I see or feel to be met in any loving way. It seems to make a difference.

By having a thought in my head like, "I need X to come to me in this way," I think it limits the invisible to what I see as possible or impossible. If I just say, "This one has this need and I'm asking you to fill it, thanks," I leave it open ended in my head. I have made no limit in myself to accepting the way the Love manifests itself.

It's a combination of words have power, intentions are actions and Love is always the right answer, I think.

Whatever it is, I see it is real here. It's just right.

It's all about the love. (But I can't, I'm tired.)

I was too tired last night, I thought, to make the effort to deliver what I call my tithe to where I felt it needed to go. I went to the bank and then pulled up to the intersection that would start my trip to the house.

I put my turn signal on for a right. I proceeded to annoy several other drivers when my hand changed it's mind, turned the signal off and drove me straight through the intersection. It really seemed like that, even though I must have made the decision to let it. Right?

"But I always stay too long when I go there", I told me. "I'm beat already and there are chores to do and I haven't eaten and I'm too tired. Why can't it wait until tomorrow?" No, now is the time, is what I felt told.

I have followed the "feelings" too long not to know it must be the right way for me to go. I gave in to it, called the person I had intended to have coffee with and took a rain check then, more carefully, negociated the traffic to get up north.

It's really not my abundance I am sharing when I "invest in futures" for the Divine Love. It's all His. He gave me enough to share. He directed me to where I saw the need and provided the means to meet it. All I had to do was get it there in the right amount at the right time.

"I won't have enough for me..." - I started discussing it with Him in my head. I went over the bills, the chores, the house repairs, the yard work and pointed out I don't have time, money or energy to spare for them if I'm putting all I have out here in energy, time, gas and finances. No change. So I went on up.

Funny, I pulled around the corner just in time to see my friend turning toward the driveway. They smiled to see me coming. That lifted my heart. I smiled back.

There is more than a need for just a little financial boost there. There are sad hearts and hurt hearts and dreams and love hiding behind barracades of hurt there. I touched where I could and encouraged where I could and smiled where I could. It seemed to lighten things up there.

After a little basic math I thought I might have to be a little more helpful than I planned on. I took a moment to get alone and pray because the number in my pocket didn't feel like "enough". It was the number by the book, I guess it wasn't the number by the Love.

I ended up knowing I had to "show a little more love." The "why of it" was that I know the Divine Love takes care of me. What it needs, it covers. Others can't see it that way. They can only see the way I live. To show it's real to me I have to live it. So that means putting it out there - when I am tired, when I am discouraged, when I feel neglected, when I have other things to do that may seem needed, it doesn't matter. Showing the love - the Divine and my own small bit - are real is what's important. It's all that counts. If I have something still in my hand that another needs worse I will be unhappy with me. I don't like that.

I went. I added a "personal contribution" to the tithe. I did stay too long. I did enjoy the visit. I can't and couldn't heal all that I saw that hurt, but I did what I can. I did get home to late and I am still tired.

So why am I content? Before I left for the night I knew what I had done was "just right". It was the amount needed right then; Not tomorrow, but right then. It was needed in hand that night for the tomorrow to go as it should. Without it the need would have been unmet.

I hadn't wasted my time. I had applied it properly and I am glad I did it. It eased a heart, salved a pride, walked a person a little taller, and shared the love all at the same time. Wow.

It's not "just money" being thrown at a situation. It was my time, the only thing that is mine to spend as I think it should be, it was my gas, something I need for getting to work, it was my heart, in that I cared and showed it, it was my smile that said, "I believe you're going to be okay." and the comfort I offered in having a few more people know they aren't in this life alone.

I know I showed the most love I can. I know it was right and I know it will be covered somehow. I love the warm fuzzy of helping someone. I love that I had a way to do it and I love it that the Divine Love is one heart bigger today because another heart turned to it and said a sincere "Thank You."

I still need a nap - but it's all about the love.

*********
had to add this P.S. I really did do all I felt I could to help my friend. When I talked to them the next day their words really touched me. They had to get some auto parts and gas then go take care of the project I was trying to help with. "I got there and they told me what it would cost. It was exactly what I had in my pocket."

Yes, that's a quote. Yes, they said "exactly". It took every bit they had, but they had every bit they needed.

I'm glad I made the effort and I'm thrilled they are seeing the Divine Love working in their life.

I see it is working in mine....Wow.

Show and Tell

1 John 3

17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

"this world's good" - your means of living here. Not just "goods" like food and money, but the ability to provide them, your talents and abilities.

It's not always about money. Maybe you crochet and some child needs a scarf and mittens, or you know how to garden and the neighbor needs fresh vegetables. Maybe you are patient and love children and some one needs a baby sitter for their child. These are ways to meet needs we often discount instead of seeing the love our care shares with others.

If you care and can meet a need for someone you are working with the Divine Love. It doesn't have to be a hugh effort or large amount. The increase is His to provide. If you have the means to meet a need but "shut it up" what have you showed others about what you believe?

Mark 12
42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites,
which make a farthing.
43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:
44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

To give all we have is so hard. We think of the needs to come and forget they can be met as they arrive. We hold on to that extra "just in case" and forget that you can't fill a full hand. To be "refilled" you have to have empty hands.

We schdule time for "ourselves" and forget that there is more joy in sharing than in doing something alone.

John 1 - 3:018 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

To truely give of yourself, your time and talents to others is showing the Love is real to you and sharing love with others. You can say you believe Loving is the way to live all day long, but at the end of the day who else will say they know you believe?; Those who heard you say it or those who saw you loved them?

Words again.

Let me excuse myself, first. I'm not feeling too healthy today. I have some kind of flu laying me low. The thoughts might be a little more scattery than usual. Sorry.

I have come to believe that our words have a power of their own that we may not understand. The words we say express our feelings, thoughts and intentions or describe what we have done, our actions. They also record our reactions to life and let us share them with others.

I am learning to watch my words. Not that I may have to eat them, but that they may bring to life something that should not have been given birth. Once a word had been said it can not be called back, only expanded on to try and explain.

I had some casual, humor type words with a friend that turned to words of hurt. I was laughing at something they said then I said, "Sometimes I want to smack you!". When they asked why I popped out, "Sometimes I think you just need smacking."

These are words of my younger times. They were said by me and my sisters and parents and came our from a pre-recorded file in my head. We us them when we what we mean is - "I don't think you understand what I am saying and you should pay attention".

They come from the story of the mule and the farmer. A neighbor watched as the farmer walked up and smacked the mule in the head with a board. The mule shook his head a few times but didn't seem to be hurt. The farmer walked behind the plow and said giddy up. The mule started right off, heading for the fields. The neighbor asked why he did that and the farmer said, He is a good mule but you have to get his attention first.

That is a lot of words to explain that maybe they heard I wanted to hit them and what I meant was I don't think you understand what I said, please pay attention. It also says I think we had a communication break down.

I was spouting words carelessly, expecting them to understand what I meant and they heard something altogether different.

I can't seem to remember the power of words. Caring is using them carefully and gently.
Where do all our words go? Written or spoken, even in private and alone, one day they will be found or heard somewhere. Maybe by someone we don't even know.

I wrote and spoke of the pot shards I called water flow control devices that were judged by me, at first, as trash and a mess I needed to clean up.

Looking at the situation and the broken pot an experienced gardner might have seen their use before I did. They might have done it before. I had to figure it out myself and see it. I had no one to discuss it with that knew about potting plants.

A simple fix seemed important to me because of the way I saw it two ways even though I was by myself here.

I found another blogger who sees broken things as something other than trash. I wanted to share this photo of what she does with broken ceramics. It's another way to see what was, to someone, just a mess to clean up.
If two people look at the same thing and one says first, "That is ugly!" does the second person then see it as ugly? If so, they agree and go on their way.

If the other decides differently - they say, "I don't think so, it's just strange." Does it modifiy the first speaker's judgement? Do they see it differently now those words brought this view to them?

The first can say, "You might be right but it looks ugly to me," or "I hadn't thought of that, maybe it is just I have never seen one before."

That is the power of words between us. They can change the way we see things.

If I go cursing and angry at others and events in my life I am giving birth to negative feelings that I can not stop. They are in the world and can hurt someone even if I never said them directly to that person.

I think the words I was less than careful with have hurt my friend and I am sorry. I could have said them differently and now I wish I had. I was trying to explain how treating yourself less than precious hurts others who care about you.

When I thought they didn't understand my meaning I dropped back to words I would have used to my sis- my family - because I feel like they are family to me.

We do not have the history of those shared jokes and words between us. They only thought I meant they needed to be hit, not understanding the meaning underneath.

I only wanted them to try harder to hear what I was saying. I didn't really want to hit them. I hate hurting anyone or anything. But I used the wrong words to say it.

The sis said once she was having a fit of road rage when she thought, what if that person heard me and then we met at my church? What testimony is that for love and peace in my heart and the world?

"I remember you, I made a mistake in traffic yesterday and you cussed me out like a sailor.Glad to meet you. I don't think I want to join a church where you go. It is not the way I want to be treated." Yup, that would be a good one.

She started watching her words before I did because she was showed the power in her words, and the intentions behind them, could affect another wrongly.

If I say words, even in my home all alone, the power is not gone from them. I have given life to those thoughts and intentions in myself. I brought what I was only thinking of to be real in this world now.

I don't want to be ranting and raving in anger and hurt at something because I am reinforcing those feelings in me. I am trying to learn to take those thoughts only to Him because He can turn them for me to a loving way to see the situation and the bad feelings go right out of me.

I have to see them first and know I have them before I can give them to Him. I don't have to say or act on them. I don't have to give them life here of their own to hurt others with or myself be hurt by them.

So I try to consider my words. I can comfort myself with the thought that I am what He has made of me but I remember that I picked part of what I am myself when I chose what I wanted to do in life. I am what I made me, too.

What part of me is just speaking words as they come out and what part of me prays to HIm first?
What I have learned in the world comes flying out of me because I know the ways of the world and those in it that have interacted with me.

What I am learning of Him and how life should be here for everyone is the part that reaches to Him in every little thing. That would be the new me; the one that flinches when people curse now. Not because I am offended but because I know that another negative word has been born in them and in the world.

It seems that there are times when even I think a curse would be a relief. It's hard, when you hit your thumb with a hammer, to see any way to say, "Bless it!" and really mean it. We mean, "Damn it!" Damn the hammer and the nail and my clumbsy way of using them and Damn it that it was broken and I had to try and fix it and Damn it all to Hell! We hurt.

But when something like that happens to you and you watch inside yourself you will see that if you try to say "Bless it!", even when you want to say the other, that your mind takes a different path. Your intention is modified by using a different word.

Even said in a negative way your mind turns it to a positive meaning. For me it came something like this in my head. "Bless my thumb, it's going to need healing. Bless the hammer so it goes where I aim. Bless the nail so it will drive straight. Bless the mending of this broken thing for my family and help me get it done so I can do something more fun with my time."

It's just a little twist in your thoughts and I don't know how it may seem to you. But if you would try it for a few days, using any thing with a positive meaning to you in place of my "Bless it", I think you might see what I mean.

I do not like to curse if I can stop in time and I do not like to put words to my thoughts of others with anyone but the one I would speak of now. I still do speak what I am calling, "out of place" but I am seeing it when I do it and now I am trying to stop. I don't like it in myself.

I don't like sending out anything that is not what I really mean and if it is something I really mean the place to give it is to the one I am thinking of, not another here with me. I want the communication clear between us without the muddle of someone trying to repeat something I said and getting it wrong by the way they thought I meant it.

The thoughts and intentions inside us are shared by the words and the actions between us. I am trying to learn to make my words and actions be shaped by kind and loving thoughts because that is what I want to put into the world, loving kindness.

It isn't always going to happen. I speak to warn of danger from others that I have seen hurt people or I speak to share my care for others to those I feel love them, too and may be able to help them. I am going to try to take all of that to the one that can really do it.

I think it will make it hard to have a conversation for awhile. I find my mouth stopping sometimes because I don't want to let out what I thought. I get weird pauses and fumble for the right words. Still, as hard as it is I want to try it. I think words have too much power to just use them to make noise.

It's like having a flame thrower in the pine trees to light a cooking fire with when you send out negative or hurtful words, they take off and burn down the whole forest and all you meant to do was get the feelings out of your system.

If I need to take a dump I go to the bathroom. If I need to get things that are negative in my opinion and judgement out of me I am seeing to take them to Him first. He can change them for me to see them in the light of His love and nobody gets hurt by them.

One thought of what this might do is leave me talking to someone about them and their life instead of talking with them about others we know. I can't see anything wrong with that.

If I pray before I speak anything that resembles judgement of what they tell me and only say encouraging and hopeful words we might have quite a conversation and I will grow to understand them better. Isn't that what spending time with someone we love is supposed to be?

I'm working on it. It's not easy.

Failed trust

I have found them out there, the ones that can not accept a gift with no strings attached as real. Those are the ones that hurt my heart. There is a need in them I can't fill. I see a need for them to be able to trust the ones around them. I can't fill it. The world has beaten it out of them. I hurt it out of some of them, myself. It shames me to say that, but it's a truth.

I watched a coyote once that was freezing and starving try to trust humans again. With no mean thought in me, I had put out food for him. I put it in a steel bowl. That's what I feed my dogs in. They eat inside where it's not freezing cold.

He was just starting to eat when I went to the window to check on him. He startled and his tongue stuck on the bowl, over turning it and hurting him, just before he ran off. Trusting failed.

I didn't mean that to happen. I tried to help and hurt him instead, reinforcing his fear of humans. The only way he could see it was as a mean trick. I didn't think it through and so I hurt him. It was an accident. While that made me sorry and sad, I knew I didn't mean to hurt him. I doesn't change the way he experienced it. And there it stands, I screwed up.

The truth is that, as humans, we just can't think of everything. Even in kindness we can hurt each other. A flaw in our actions only shows after they happen. Even the small neglects we hurt each other with can ruin a heart or a life, unseen by us at the time.

Some will have lost their trust by accidents and ignorance. Some have had their true loving trust betrayed by those that should have cared for them. Then there are those that seem to thrive on hurting others. How ever they have lost it, it's gone and I only know one who can bring it back.

When those that can't trust hurt me I remember those I have hurt. Forgiving them is easier then. When it's harder I can take it to prayer. I pray that someone can restore their ability to trust again. Losing trust of others confines us to only ourselves. To stand alone is to punish yourself for others treatment of you. You are the only one who suffers when you are cut off from everyone. I don't understand the math, but I see it's true.

After being hurt that one too many times you stop reaching out and, worse yet, you let no one reach toward you. There you stand in pain, anger, and hurt with no hope of relief. You may not be the one who did the harm. You suffered the harm done to you.

Why do we punish ourselves for the actions of others. And why do we punish those we don't even know for the actions of others in our pasts? We almost literally push them away from us. I think it's the fear. Fear holds us frozen in our pain; we can't move, we can't heal, and no one can help because we can trust no one.

Then something happened and I see another one on the way to isolation. She is only four years old and it may be too late to overcome her fears. She has been hurt by one she trusted in a way that made all people suspect. How do you help one so small understand what even adults can't?

I understand how some of us end up hiding away. It's just too dangerous to our hearts to have any contact with another person. Just once more, we think, to be betrayed, will damage us beyond repair. So many times the damage is done without realizing it or carelessly that the others involved may never even understand they hurt you. So you avoid them all.

It's when I think of the words to my family, or friends or, worse yet, to my children, that I hurt. I see the promises unkept, the visits missed, the "just a minutes" and "when I get through with this" that I scattered in their lives. I didn't mean it to destroy their trust in those that love them. I thank God for His healing of those small hearts as I see them loving and trusting again.

I know he's going to tell me that to offer love is never wrong. They won't accept love from Him, how can they accept it from me? Then I give him the sadness that causes in my heart and He takes it from me. Nothing is beyond the Divine Love's ability to repair. He built it. But they have to accept. And the best cure is to be more careful and loving of each other.

I can't see a way to fix all that is so obviously wrong in this world. I can only deal with each small thing I see the best I can. I am thankful that the Divine Love has it covered. I only wish it would cram the recovery into high gear. I cried for that small, hurt child. I can't change her life or heal her wounded heart.

When we don't tell someone they have even only annoyed us once, we are locked into not telling them again if they repeat the action. It niggles at us and nips but we think we are being kind or polite to not say anything.

By not telling me when I have done something that has annoyed or hurt you I am denied the learning of how to do better or avoid it another time. I don't even know there is a problem until it's too big, in you, to repair. Something altogether different may finally rub against that first sore spot and next think you know we are both upset but only one of us knows why.

That is not truth. It is not honest at all. If you deal with those things when they are small they can be eliminated, negotiated or compromised on so everyone is comfortable. When you don't they become magnified by repetition and blow up all over every one.

Get angry, get upset, but say something so I know that there is something I can do differently to do better next time. If you don't and there is no next time we have both lost a chance to love.

Keep the truth in your love. It's not easy. Grace is all that can make it work here at all. But Truth IS Love. Hold to it. Reach for it. Share it.

Reach out to a hurt heart today, show them one here cares. Even if they can't reach back they will see one who still tries to help, not hurt. If you can leave hope in a heart, it can see a small light of possiblities. Give someone hope.

Children

Matthew 18:
3 And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].

36 And He took a little child and put him in the center of their group; and taking him in [His] arms, He said to them,
37 Whoever in My name and for My sake accepts and receives and welcomes one such child also accepts and receives and welcomes Me; and whoever so receives Me receives not only Me but Him Who sent Me......
42 And whoever causes one of these little ones to stumble and sin, it would be better (more profitable and wholesome) for him if a [huge] millstone were hung about his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.

Search yourself and remember being a child that did not yet know how to interact in the world. See yourself smiling and reaching out to all you met. Remember the shock at hurts done to you.

Remember the first time your cry for help went unheard. Think about getting up and going on when no help came.

I am not exempt from causing heart hurts to even my own children. I have always been very aware of the damage I did. When I was not able to be there for them another adult cared for them in my stead. I'm so grateful for that care. It's not the same as having your parent there, it's still better than dealing with life alone.

If not for grace I would have never escaped the due punishment for those acts. If not for grace my children would not have survived the harm done to their ability to love and trust.

We have made it through. I was being so hard on myself for so many years over it that it scarred my own heart twice; once in the doing and again in the regret and shame I carried.

But I remembered I was a child, too, who's needs were not always met by those that might have. Not that they would NOT meet them but that I was where they COULD NOT meet them. It was my final step from childhood and my first step to being an adult.

I was hurt. No one came to help. I had to make it to where I could be helped. I made it. But I had to get there alone.

How my heart burns for the children hurting today. I owe so much for the grace I was given that I reach out to each child I see in pain or confusion. I can't heal their hurts, all I can do is try to let them know that someone cares they were hurt and send them on to where they can be helped.

I pray them into His arms. I pray the ones that could not or are not there for the child into His arms. And I offer my hand until they can grow past the time of being too young to understand.

I don't understand so many things in this world but harming or failing to love and care for those small ones is still the part I don't know how I could fail at or how anyone could and live with themselves.

But we do. Amen for Grace and may healing, love, and comfort come to each sad child today - even you.

We may feel that we are old, worn out, usless; we are only children. We are each only a loving child making it's way as best it can.

Be kind to each other today. Pray for the children in this sad world. Reach out to one yourself and find the love in you growing again.

Hear Him

John 14
13 And I will do [I Myself will grant] whatever you ask in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], so that the Father may be glorified and extolled in (through) the Son.

14 [Yes] I will grant [I Myself will do for you] whatever you shall ask in My Name [as presenting all that I AM].

Why did Jesus repeat himself here?

Sometimes we are just dense. He knows us well. Even saying it twice in the same conversation somehow we don't hear what He is saying.

Just ask. Remember he heard you the first time. We may be slow or dense but He is johnny on the spot. And he doesn't say "Maybe" or "you can't ask for that" - He says whatever, anything we ask He will do that we may see God's power and glory is real, loving, unlimited.

Know He said "I will" and thank Him as you ask, because you may as well consider it done.

He said he would - twice.

Out of the blues

A chance meeting one day led to another the next. A song sent out ot the blue, played for the first time out of the blue, to one met out of the blue, led to a new friend. Thank you.

I won't forget that, with You, good can come out of the blues.

Please continue to show me how you even use the blues to make it a better world. The struggle to reach the light in each of us breaks the trail a little for the next one. When we learn what we reached for so hard in our hurt, we are a little quicker to give it to one we see that needs a hand. It softens our sad, sore hearts; teaches us to care better, I think.

Thank you for all the things You've brought to me, seemingly out of the blue. Thank you for leading me out of the blues again. Thank you Lord for the friends in my life. Thank you for their gentle ways. May the friendships we build between us bring You glory some way.

To U, my thanks

Thank you that my heart hurt me. It showed me I can feel. Thank you that I cried. It showed me that I can love and grieve the loss. Thank you that I was sad. I knew I could be happy again if I can be sad. Thank you that I can care still, though it seems one did not show a care for me. I care. That is the important part. Not that anyone else cares. I can not change that, but that I care past the confusion and the hurt. I still care and love.

Thank you that there are those that care. Let me always find them here. Let me always see past what my eyes see to let the eyes of my heart find their light. Thank you for those that can see the light in me and let me shine as I am for you. They are rare and precious to me. Thank you that I see the many diverse ways we all shine and love.

Thank you for the joy that came to drive away the tears. That I can feel joy in my spirit again after the struggle of my year. Thank you for the comfort of knowing that I have been blessed to be a blessing, not a burden or a trial to those I have loved.

I loved that phrase. I read it today somewhere. Blessed to be a blessing. I have been a bane, a goad, a trial, a burden, an irritant, a motivator, a judge, a sad, bad and miserable story in some of the lives I've touched. But there are those that I am a good story in their lives. I have been blessed with being a blessing to many this year. I like it.

So many of them do not see the blessing they have been to me. My companions, confidants, encouragers and cheerleaders - all of them have lifted me up and kept me going. I do not like to think about the story I would have without them in my life.

Thank you for the ones who care and that I see I am one of them still. I care again. It means I hurt again. So thank you for the hurt I feel.

I feel. I hurt. I love. Thank you.

Just a hand along the way

16 At this, Daniel went to the king and asked for time, so that he might interpret the dream for him.
17 Then Daniel returned to his house and explained the matter to his friends Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah.
18 He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon.
****
Job 6:14 "A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
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Luke 6 So Jesus went with them. He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof.
*****
Acts 27:3 The next day we landed at Sidon; and Julius, in kindness to Paul, allowed him to go to his friends so they might provide for his needs.
*****
Daniel was afraid for his life and the life of others. He asked his friends for prayer. Job felt friends should stick even through the hard times, the centurion felt unworthy and asked his friends to make a journey and speak for him, Paul's friends gave him what he needed. Simon carried the cross for Jesus.

There is more but that is enough for now to say you don't have to do it yourself. There is more than one human on the planet for a reason. We are supposed to be together. Joined in ways I can't explain, I know we are all interconnected. What grieves one, hurts one or helps one, does the same for us all.

We are alone inside ourselves when we can't share the truth of our thoughts, fears and feelings. It's the most lonely I have ever been, with no one to know and love all of me. To grant the freedom to another to be all that they are, good and bad, is the gift only a true friend can give.

If you have friends and are a friend life is good. Afraid, down on your luck, ashamed, without a way to get what you need yourself - that's life for all of us on one day or another.

Taking care of our friends as they care for us is helping one another live on and love.

On either side, the needy or the giving, you are what you need to be for Love to show on this earth. As the needy you receive the gift of the love that comes to you. As the giving you give the gift of showing love is real. Both are needed.

You can't show the love if there is no one that needs the love to be shown. We all need to see the love is real. Even a casual passer by may see the love in some one pulled over and changing a tire on the road. That person may be reminded to help when they next see a hand is needed and you never saw them drive by because you were busy with what you were doing.

God bless all my friends today. I love my family deeply, but they had to keep me, I was theirs. My friends have chosen me. I am so blessed.

No good choice

Sometimes none of your choices is good.

A new friend gave me that sentence to think about and it has been showing me the truth of itself for several days. We were talking about the few regrets we had in our lives and how it seemed some of them couldn't be avoided, then they said that. It rang in my heart as truth.

The obvious came to me easily. A burning building, a child in your arms on the third floor, flames up the stair case, a window nearby; neither choice is good, both have elements of harm when you are trying to provide safety. You don't get long to debate it with yourself. Can you carry the child down three flights, hold your breath and make it before the stairs collapse or can you pass the child out the window and drop it or do you jump holding the child. Decide. Now.

You can only work with what you have at hand. Sometimes you really do have nothing to work with and you have to make the call anyway.

If all the choices are bad, you still have to pick one and go with it. Then you deal with what results come from it.

You jump, holding the child to cushion the fall because there is no one to catch if you toss it. Broken ankles, arms, legs, feet, back, concussion, death; it's all there to discover in the next few seconds. Maybe you get lucky and the ground is soft, you just knock the wind out of both of you. You can't know until you jump.

But there is no good way to go. That is how it will seem to you. Hold still and wait isn't an option in that kind of situation. You have to make a decision.

Life brings us to places where we may have no good choice to make sometimes. It's down and dirty, low and hard. It is what it is.

Feed the kids, get gas for work, buy a beer, pay the rent all with the same dollar you don't have. You choose. You work with what that choice brings you.

Pay half the rent, get the kids a pound of burger, skip the beer, siphon gas from a neighbor or borrow to get some. It can be done. But none of them are really good choices to have to make. They are made in a million homes everyday.

If you are standing in a place with no good choices, there are no words I can give you to ease your decision. I have looked at it in my life, done the best I could figure out and lived to move on.

But I am feeling a little more forgiving of myself when I look at what I decided and what was available to choose from. There was no good way to go, but I kept going. Everyone made it. Not easily, not always happy about it, but we made it and we still love.

I didn't do so bad after all. I'm still living and loving. I'm going on.

Thank you friend, for the thought that in a place with no good choices the ones I made worked good enough.

And this thought comes from yours. When you have no good choices you are blessed if you have friends who will help you through them and love you whatever you choose.

By helping one another even the darkest day can hold love in it's gloom. Keep reaching out and caring and sharing and the choices will get better for those you have helped. Together we can do it, alone we can all stumble to a stop.

Holding a hand and moving on with a friend is what love is all about. The divine unity is when the last takes the hand of the first and the circle contains all of us.

Again, with the judgement calls

It was a strange weekend with MUCH music and fun. It also included much prayer and a blessing on me by a man I had just met who asked if he could pray with me. It was ending with a drive home about 4:30 in the almost morning. The stars were beautiful.

I was coming into the first of the last two curves before home when I just said to my self, "It's, for crying out loud, 4 in the morning and I am going to be BAD! I'm taking this (poorly banked and almost dangerous) curve on the wrong side of the road - fast and low!"

I'm such an outlaw! Sometimes, when I have been so good it hurts, and there are times that is just the truth, it hurts to be good. I feel like I have to do something bad to feel human again. I thought this was one of those times.

I dropped down to the left, where the banking is good and edged the pedal down to speed up. Yup I was fast AND bad!

At least, I thought I was being bad....

Then, to my right, in the proper lane - where I should have been - I saw the big (emphasis on big!) carcass of the poor deer that didn't make it across the road. I would have hit it with just my left tires doing 45 (the posted speed) just past dead center of the curve.

I don't even want to do the math on it. I think it ends up with trees and ditches and upside down, like in the movies when they launch just two tires on the same side of a car.....So I thought I was yearning to be bad, but maybe I had just heard an angel whisper to me.

It was wrong to be in that lane by our rules. Breaking them kept me here again.

I give up. Coincidence is going OUT of my vocabulary. When even being bad is good who's to say what's bad or good? I can't anymore.

If you figure it out, let me know.... But I made it home safe with a smile on my face and watched for a car pulled over that overheated. I saw it and said a prayer for them, they were already rescued.

Life just gets too strange sometimes even for me. But I am grateful for the prayers that day and the smile I have when I think on this.

Do what is right for you, don't harm another, love where you can, pray where you can't love.

You can't call the shot good or bad until you see what you hit and you may never even know you were shooting. Sometimes just a smile at the right time can lift another heart up and save it and you were just hearing a good tune on the radio.

Dear Lord, aim it for me. I've got both eyes shut waiting for the boom!

H2O

I watched the rain on my snow banks today. The contrast amused me. The snow was becoming smaller. It was becoming invisible as it transformed. I could see it changing.

I realized that rain and snow are both water. It's like the snow was learning from the rain what it truely is. Snow and ice are just water too cold to run or move. The snow that feels the falling rain is warmed by it. Then the snow begins to change and move.

Once it feels the warmth touch it, then the snow can change to water, too. It's free to seep into the ground. Running past it's frozen friends, it seeks the ground below.

Does one little snow flake show the next one, " Like this, see? Then you can run, too!" Or is it the raindrops that teach each flake to melt?

First the ones on the top roll down, and, as they move, the ones beneath them are freed. I see the free water from above teaching the snow it doesn't have to be frozen anymore.

Water for the earth or snow for the earth or rain for the earth; All the same, all are needed for the earth.

We are mostly water, they say. Are we, like snow, just another form, too hard and solid to seep into the ground? What shows us how to change and flow? What warms us so we can see the path to take to move?

Is love the rain for the hardness that is us? By seeing love flow by do we find the way to lose the hardness in ourselves and live? Can we show others how to love and change or do they each need to recieve it from above?

Rain drummed on the roof, drowning out other comforting sounds.The sound of rain on tin echoed in my ears. The tempo picked up, the force increased. It was all I could hear. But underneath, almost silenced, the wind spoke. The power of its voice changed the path of the rain. Easing it to where it's needed even as it falls freely.

Snow must flow from where it lays, rain can move where the wind carries it. Can the wind of love direct where we land or do we love from where we are?

The last of the banks that still decorate my yard are the snow that was compressed by the weight of all the snow of winter. It's more dense and compressed from the weight of the snow that was above it. It takes more warmth and more rain to thaw those hardened banks. Those preserved remains of the first snow to stay are the last to be freed to flow.

Some of those we see as harder to love may be the ones that carried the most weight in their lives. It's presses on them and makes them more dense and resistant to love. It takes more love to warm them and more love to show them how to flow freeling again. It's not that they are bad or stupid, it's that life itself made them doubt love could be theirs.

If we are the love and warmth to each other that frees the ones that are cold and hard we have to remember to spread it thick where those are hurt and hardened from the loads they carry here.

The rain became too loud. I coudn't hear myself think. I felt confused. With thoughts like this who wouldn't be confused?

Rain dripped from the trees, aimed right down my neck, as I left for work. I added my tears, unseen in the rain, to the flow of water toward the earth. I change yet again. There is a thaw coming inside me where a hardness has been wedged.

Thank you for the good day

I was thinking that the warm, sunny days are supposed to be good. But they are what thaws the earth. When the rain comes, like today, that thaw is bad. Our perspective changes.

It was good to walk in the warm and sun of that day but now it's results might be seen as bad if you have to get through the mud or have seed to plant.

Rainy days are supposed to be bad; Gray and gloomy inside days of chilly damp lower our mood. But we have time as a family that we don't have in good weather when we all scatter to our fun and chores.

Rain gives us water to drink, baths and showers. The crops will need it soon, to sprout strong roots. That makes a rainy day good.

When the earth is too wet to plant in and mud is too deep to walk through that's bad.

When we swim and drink and eat the grains and food that grew that rainy day is good.

It was bad when it rained but it's good later. It was good it the warm sunshine but thawed the earth. Neither day was good or bad, both are needed for different things.

The day itself, whatever it brings at the time, is only good in the long run. It's that we can only see a little way that makes us think them good or bad as they come. When you see the years of them behind us, the crops, the trees, the lakes and rivers you can see even snow and ice have been nessesary to life here.

It's a good day. Thank you. It took me awhile to see how to say this and mean it.

Today I might have no one to talk to. That might seem bad at the time. Tomorrow I might be too busy to write. That would be what I did when I had no one to talk to. The day I am in and what it brings it good, if I can remember to see it that way. I can stop whining that it's not the day I would have planned for me and just appreciate what I have in each one.

Not good, not bad, but all needed for my life to be grown and nourished. I can debate it with Him but I have to say I am learning to trust Him to grow me better everyday. I just had to learn to see it. It took a lot of days behind me to understand they all brought me to this one as I am now.

It's a good day. I am good with today. I know it seems an obvious thought all the way through but some of us don't see what may be obvious to others. I thought I put it out here. It will help me to remember to thank Him for the day and my part in it, whatever it may be, and mean it.

Old and New

From the Old Testament

Psalms 22 - Attributed to King David as prophecy
16 - For dogs have compassed (surrounded) me: the assembly of the wicked have enclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.
17 - I may tell all my bones: (the bones of one hanging from the cross became prominent, and easily seen.) they look and stare upon me.
18 - They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture. (clothes)

Isaiah 35:
4 - Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you.
5 - Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.
6 - Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing:...

From the New Testament

Matthew 11:
5 - The blind receive their sight, and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them.

Matthew 27:
26 - Then released he (Pilate) Barabbas unto them: and when he had scourged (whipped bloody) Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified.
30 - And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.
31 - And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.
32 - And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross.
35 - And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.

The whole point of the Old Testament may be that God says, What other God tells you what will happen and it happens? Show me one that can that? Any other God tell you what will come and it comes? It is to show His word is truth.

He speaks through his prophets to say this will happen to Tyre, this will happen to Israel, and these things came to be reality.History itself has shown it to us. The things in this book are not just stories, they have happened.

He told of the Christ before he was born. I offered just a couple examples. There are many more.

As I go through another Easter I found hope, in Matthew 32.

"And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his (Jesus) cross."

Even Jesus, when he was here as a human male, could not complete his road alone. He was beaten raw and bloody, weakened by loss of blood and lack of water. He could not carry his burden alone. The guards found someone to help him.

The man was a Cyrene. It's a country in Africa on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, southward of the most western point of the Island of Crete. It's only mentioned 4 times in the New Testament. He was black, he was a stranger and he was named Simon, which means one that hears; one that obeys.

There was a large crowd there that day. If he was pulled from the crowd at random, a stranger in the country, how did Matthew learn his name? He must have spoken to him later. I like to think it was because he cared that someone helped his friend.

It would have been obvious to every one that Jesus was too hurt to carry the cross. That Simon, even if he was compelled, helped Jesus complete his task is a comfort to me today.

Jesus was close, but could not go on. Simon carried on with the task. He heard, he obeyed. It sounds simple, but it was a hard job to lug that wood up the hill. It probably took both of them.

The hope I find in this? We don't have to work alone. When we have a task we believe must be completed another that cares may help us.

If Jesus couldn't do it alone, why would I think I have to? What shame in looking about for help? What shame in asking for it?

None. No shame in being too weak or hurt or confused - whatever the problem is - no shame in needing someone to lend a hand. The only shame is in not completing the task.

When God needs you to do a thing He will send the help you need. Sometimes you don't even have to ask for it. The ones who see the need fill it, in caring love for Him.

God gave him back to us for a short time that we might see death is defeated. He lives. We live.

How can we thank Him for that? He defied even death for us in His love.

We can only share the story to bring others to the safe harbor of knowing that we live.

When I pray my thanks to Him on Easter Sunday it will be for showing me I don't have to be strong enough alone. It's okay to need a hand sometimes. I can look to Him and say I need help here, no shame in not being able to go it alone.

Praying and working together to bring His Kingdom to life on earth unifies all of us that believe. This Sunday I hope you will all remember how many are in buildings of belief celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. All over the world the faith still grows. On this day many are united, celebrating the power of His Divine Love that joins us all together.

Mt 13:52 Then said he unto them, Therefore every scribe [which is] instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man [that is] an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure [things] new and old.

Needs and gifts

I have a need to give. It was a thought I had when I was trying to understand some of my ways of interaction with others. It struck me as rather oxymoronic. I thought about it.


I know I didn't mean what I said. It sounded like I want to give someone a need. I tried to see it a different way. To say just what I meant. I have a desire to fill others needs. That is closer. I tried harder.

A "Need" is a thing that lurks in your life and makes it hard to find the joy. When I have a "Need" I try to fill it before it gets out of hand. So do we all.

Some "Needs" are big, like warmth and food, water or shelter. Some are smaller, like shoes and coats or gloves and mittens in winter.

Some needs are invisible, to be loved, to have friends, to know someone cares about you; Those are the ones I keep seeing all around me. They are invisible needs. They are hard to see, harder to fill, only filled by loving care between us. Those are the needs that draw me.

Some one said once that the needs we see in others are our own needs reflected back to us. My thought was that we can only recognize a need when we have experienced it ourselves. You can't see an invisible need, you can only see the need for what it is when you have known it yourself.

I want to fill the "Needs" I see in others. It's part of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I would like someone to fill my needs when I can't do it alone. I offer that to those I meet here, freely and with love.

If love is the only thing that will fill those needs then what I should say is, "I love to give". I want to show love by my actions, not just my words. It's what I seem to have a need to do; Show love to others who have a need for love in their life.

If they learn to see the needs that were met in them they will know them when they see them in others and, I hope, pass the love on by filling them. Then the love grows and spreads. That loving care for each other takes "Do unto others..", and changes it into "love others as yourself".

Then it changes "I have a need to give" into, "I have love to share". That love I share was given to me to meet the needs I see in others, not to keep all to myself.

Like His love, the Divine Love, it's free, no charge, no debt. It's not because someone earned it or deserve it, it's because I love to give it, as He loved giving it to me. He sends enough for me and extra love for all the ones I meet.

Those that let me meet their needs are doing me the favor of letting me have the joy in sharing. I have the joy of caring, the joy of sharing and the joy of knowing I may have helped a friend.

From a simple gift, a card, a call or the dollar I slip a pan-handler, to the time I spend giving someone a hand, it's my loving care I am giving. That's what He gives me to share.

I don't have a need to give. I have love to share and to spare.

What comes out of your mouth

is what is in your heart. What you send into the world is what is in your heart.

You can't give joy when you are sad. You can't give kindness when you feel hurt. You can't love when you are full of hate.

You can't hide the truth of your heart from anyone who knows you. The clerk you smile at and joke with may think you are a courteous and funny guy. Spend ten minutes with anyone, though, and you will see what they are inside.

If they hurt, they leak tears. If they are peaceful, they spread smiles. If they love and are loved they will share it with you. If they are filled with hate and pain, they share that with you, too. It's easy to spread hate, or hurt, it's as catching as the flu.

Thank God, so is love. It's what I want to spread.

Today I failed in that. I got angry at a hurt I saw going through my friends. It spread across my path. I reacted before I thought enough or took it in prayer to understand. I was mad about it.

So I passed on a snit of hurt. It's lose in the world because I just didn't delete the first one. I saw the meanness in that thing and passed it back, with a bonus of mean added to it. Now I am sorry but it's too late, again, for me to fix it. I did it.

I just don't seem to learn. I can't change the world, I can only change me and walk what I believe. I chose not to pass on bad thought or feelings or hurt to others. I chose that, to walk gently. Every day I try to chose what is in my heart and give the rest to the Divine Love to deal with.

But today I reverted. I let my personal emotions get in the way of what I know is right or wrong. I did wrong, in my eyes, by spreading nasty thoughts on. Now I am done with it, but the wrong I did will take on a life of it's own. That is how it got to me. Someone thought it funny, I saw it as mean and unloving. I should have just deleted it and let it go.

But I got angry and snapped a nasty back. I can only hope Grace covers cranky, lonely women who believe true love is real when they act like snotty kids. I guess I will find out.

This was part of my morning reading -From John 8 - Amplified Bible

34 Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Whoever commits and practices sin is the slave of sin.

(You snatch a candy bar. Now you have to hide it. Now you have to try and remember what you looked like 30 seconds ago, innocent, and try to look like that again. Your whole being is taken up in not getting caught. Not a bit of you left to think of anything but that thing you snatched and getting away.

You are already making up excuses in your head in case you get caught. Lies to get you off. No room for the truth in your heart when you are totally involved in being dishonest and lying.

You can't share it with anyone who might guess you stole it - unless they are a thief, too.

When you eat it the smell will give you away for a while. You can't risk getting too close to Mom or the siblings....how to do that? You are a slave to this action once you take it.

That's what I did today. I can't take it back, I have to accept any consequences that come.)

35 Now a slave does not remain in a household permanently (forever); the son [of the house] does remain forever.

(Slaves are property. That wrongness owns you. You can be sold by one who knows you did wrong. Like your sister saw you snatch that treat and now you do her chores so she doesn' t tell on you to the folks.

The son of the house can't be sold. He is there by right of birth.)

36 So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free.

(Being born to being aware of your spirit freed by His, you are a son or daughter of the house. There are responsibilities that go with that, I just messed mine up. )

... 38 I tell the things which I have seen and learned at My Father's side, and your actions also reflect what you have heard and learned from your father.

My Dad thought an eye for an eye was right. I think it's mean and hurtful. But Dad would have been pleased with me today for trying to get my point across. All I think I did was take too seriously what others see as only a joke. I passed on another thought contrary to what I think is right to press the point. So give me one "head pat" from Dad.

I only pray for grace to cover it. I know what I meant to do was wrong, even if it is not seen as such. I tried to let it be known that one I know has a loving heart was passing "not love" around and it hurt me to see that. Then I sent the other "not love" so they could compare the two items.

My only hope is it was all so vague that they miss the hurt I felt and sent. But I don't think so.

I'll be asking forgivness from them again. They have a right to their own opinion. I don't have to share mine with them.

But what came out of me was hurt because that was what was in me. He showed me it was me, again, being too judgemental. That is His to do.

(I have a new computer at work, I didn't know where the delete key was...... Think He will believe that?.....me neither.)

I'm sorry. I screwed up. I know it was wrong now and I will try to do better. It's all I can offer. It seems pretty pitiful.

I'm sorry is hard to say. It's never big enough to fix the hurt you gave. It only says you care and will try not to do it again. Still, we are just humans. Especially me.

Maybe someone will forgive me.

Pick one

Sometimes I think too much and this verse got my attention. I have several people I am trying to help that I am unsure what to do for them.

I started with King James and Strong's concordence. These are all different translations. Then, even in the commentary I use, there were two versions.

My heart says even one that has left God behind should be helped, that I don't leave God behind myself.

I try to help others when they are brought to me for I believe that is what He wants us to do. How the one I help believes is not mine to judge or change. That is up to Him. How I live my life is mine. I sleep better knowing I have tried to help where I can. Even if it seems what I did didn't help or comfort, still, I have to try.

Maybe you will see it differently.....

Job 6:14 (KJV) To him that is afflicted pity [should be shewed] from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 ¶ "For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; So that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 "A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 "He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. (RSV)

Job 6:14 ¶ He whose heart is shut against his friend has given up the fear of the Ruler of all. (BBE)

Job 6:14 ¶(darby) For him that is fainting kindness [is meet] from his friend; or he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty.

Job 6:14 (web) "To him who is ready to faint, kindness should be shown from his friend; even to him who forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

(Adam Clark) The Vulgate gives a better sense, "He who takes away mercy from his friend, hath cast off the fear of the Lord." To him who despiseth his friend, it is a reproach; and he will forsake the fear of the Almighty:

as Mr. Good translates, "Shame to the man who despiseth his friend! He indeed hath departed from the fear of the Almighty."

the passage may be read: To him who despiseth his friend, it is a reproach; and he will forsake the fear of the Almighty:

or, as Mr. Good translates, "Shame to the man who despiseth his friend! He indeed hath departed from the fear of the Almighty."

However you read it, it is right to help others. Still, I haven't picked one yet. I'm still thinking on it.

Men of God

Mark 15
40 Some women were watching from a distance. Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the younger and of Joses, and Salome. 41 In Galilee these women had followed him and cared for his needs. Many other women who had come up with him to Jerusalem were also there.

Exodus 25-
32 All who were willing, men and women alike, came and brought gold jewelry of all kinds:
brooches, earrings, rings and ornaments.
They all presented their gold as a wave offering to the LORD.

1 Samual 18-
6 When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine,
the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul
with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes.

Luke 23:
55 The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it.
*******
We watch, we follow, we give, we care for their needs. We love them for the men they are. Even when their paths bring them to places that tear our hearts, we will not leave them, they are ours.

When they succeed, we celebrate with them. When it seems they fail, we comfort them. We encourage them to try again or move on to the next deed. When they die we bury them in honor and love. We grieve and then move on, to live and love.

We are women of God, his daughters. Our strength is in His love. Our love is toward our our God in our hearts and spirits and then toward His men, our men.

Our men are the ones that follow Him. Our men are the ones that love and care for those smaller and weaker. They break trail for the younger ones and teach them to live in His love. They show a man, a strong man, believes He lives. They show the way to follow Him to the ones that come after them.

Our men are the ones that challenge the adversary where ever they find him. They don't just say, "That's not right", they do something about it. They are the Somebody's that do something, not the Nobody's that don't care.

You don't have to say, "Isn't anybody going to do something?" with strong men of God around. They are already doing it. They use strong words, strong hands, strong faith and touch the hearts around them.

Women that love God are the ones that learn to see God's men working. What we can do for them, we will, as we would do for Him. It's what He said to do -" unto the least of these, care for strangers, angels, unaware"...

The rib they say we came from protects the breath and the heart. We yearn to guard the hearts we used to lay over and keep the spirit, the breath of life, safe in the men of God, His sons.

It is not a burden. It is the way we love.

I will not bow to social rules. I am not a quiet, easily biddable woman. I can feed myself and others, I can ride and shoot to hunt. I can fish and yet I can still make a shirt or pants to warm or a scarf or a thing of beauty to enjoy. I love hard and deep, I sing, I ride, I have learned to love living again. I think, I like to communicate, to talk, to share.

I want men to walk beside that are strong and caring. Men whose hearts hear God. I don't want a man to lead around, I want a man to guide my path, a man of God to follow.

Men with caring hearts, courage to speak, ability to act, to laugh and cry and love with God - no, loving them is not a burden, it is a blessing.

Sometimes it seems like I have to wait for Him to grow them. Sometimes I see them coming soon. I also see some are here for Him already, with their women, and those I try to cheer on!

Men like that are the hope of the lost and the children. Without a man to stand up for them they may be lost to the lives they have - with no hope of better, more loving lives ever. To raise a strong man of God you have to have one to show them.

"Seek first the kingdom" - if you don't see it, do you do without it or do you begin to create it with (in) Him?(that was yesterday's question)

His kingdom come on earth can only come in hearts that love and care and are strong enough to say - "The Kingdom of God starts here, with me. I do His will, not mine. Where I stand, He IS."

So now I pray "In Jesus' name, God, I ask Your Will be done" and remember God is Love. May only Love be done in each life where I touch it for Him.

There is not enough love in me. I still want for myself and can only ask that He love them for me, the way I wish I could. I am just a human woman - but I know a good man when I see one and I know those that walk with Him. I pray and carry them in my heart to Him, the only one I know they are safe with.

It is not a burden to care for my brothers in Him. It is not a burden to love a man for Him, it is the way women of God love.

Do you have a place in your heart for the small and the hurt, the weak and the ill, the lonely and sad? Do you see the need and fill it? When you can't, don't you take it to Him? That is a heart of one of His people.

That's the kind of man I want for a friend here and the kind of spirit I know I will see there.

When there is no body and no gender I will still know the ones that are my friends.

They shine for Him.

It's not just me

We Need Men of God Again
A. W. Tozer

The Church at this moment needs men, the right kind of men, bold men. The talk is that we need revival, that we need a new [movement] of the Spirit--and God knows we must have both; but God will not revive mice. He will not fill rabbits with the Holy Ghost.

We languish for men who feel themselves expendable in the warfare of the soul, who cannot be frightened by threats of death because they have already died to the allurements of this world. Such men will be free from the compulsions that control weaker men. They will not be forced to do things by the squeeze of circumstances; their only compulsion will come from within--or from above.

This kind of freedom is necessary if we are to have [powerful preachers] in our pulpits again instead of mascots. These free men will serve God and mankind from motives too high to be understood by the rank and file of religious retainers who today shuttle in and out of the sanctuary. They will make no decisions out of fear, take no course out of a desire to please, accept no service for financial considerations, perform no religious act out of mere custom; nor will they allow themselves to be influenced by the love of publicity or the desire for reputation.

Much that the church--even the evangelical church--is doing these days she is doing because she is afraid not to. Ministerial associations take up projects for no higher reason than that they are being scared into it. Whatever their ear-to-the-ground, fear-inspired reconnoitering leads them to believe the world expects them to do they will be doing come next Monday morning with all kinds of trumped-up zeal and show of godliness. The pressure of public opinion calls these prophets, not the voice of Jehovah.

The true church has never sounded out public expectations before launching her crusades. Her leaders heard from God and went ahead wholly independent of popular support or the lack of it. They knew their Lord's will and did it, and their people followed them--sometimes to triumph, oftener to insults and public persecution--and their sufficient reward was the satisfaction of being right in a wrong world.

Another characteristic of the true [man of God] has been love. The free man who has learned to hear God's voice and dared to obey it has felt the moral burden that broke the hearts of the Old Testament prophets, crushed the soul of our Lord Jesus Christ and wrung streams of tears from the eyes of the apostles.

The free man has never been a religious tyrant, nor has he sought to lord it over God's heritage. It is fear and lack of self-assurance that has led men to try to crush others under their feet. These have had some interest to protect, some position to secure, so they have demanded subjection from their followers as a guarantee of their own safety. But the free man--never; he has nothing to protect, no ambition to pursue and no enemy to fear.

For that reason he is completely careless of his standing among men. If they follow him, well and good; if not, he loses nothing that he holds dear; whether he is accepted or rejected he will go on loving his people with sincere devotion. Only death can silence his tender intercession for them.

Yes, if evangelical Christianity is to stay alive she must have men again, the right kind of men. She must repudiate the weaklings who dare not speak out, and she must seek in prayer and much humility the coming again of men of the stuff prophets and martyrs are made of. God will hear the cries of His people as He heard the cries of Israel in Egypt. And He will send deliverance by sending deliverers. It is His way among men.

And when the deliverers come . . . they will be men of God and men of courage. They will have God on their side because they will be careful to stay on God's side. They will be co-workers with Christ and instruments in the hand of the Holy Ghost. . . .